To Catch a Falling Star
by Raven Shadowrose
Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?
1. Chapter One

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

* * *

**Chapter One.**

Jeff stood next to Polly as Dixie went through the usual weekly briefing, the rest of the crew were stood with them and listening to her as she talked. Hannah and Cyd were stood next to Dixie as she assigned them all to their teams. Jeff had just had some time off so that he could spend some time with Emilie. He had taken her away for a couple of days at the new year, he had treated her to a nice suite in a hotel where they could be alone with each other. Jeff's mind drifted off as he remembered some of the time that he had spent with Emilie. He liked being with her and treating her like a lady, Jeff knew that he was deeply in love with Emilie. They had made love to each other in the large bed of their hotel suite, Jeff had spared no expense to treat Emilie. Being alone with Emilie made Jeff happy, he loved her, he knew that one day she would be his wife. Jeff and Emilie hadn't set a date for the wedding yet, they had decided to have a long engagement before they got married to each other. He wanted to take it slowly with Emilie, he wanted to build a proper relationship with her that would last. Jeff smiled to himself, love had made his life complete. He had plenty of people that he loved and cared for and his life was the better for them.

'Jeffrey,' Dixie's voice called out. Jeff shook himself out of his daydream and he looked up to find Dixie stood in front of him. She looked as if she knew he hadn't been listening to her when she had briefed the team. 'Hey princess.'

'Did you listen to anything that I said during the briefing?'

'Yeah, of course I did princess, I listened to it all.' He hoped that Dixie couldn't tell that he was lying to her.

'Okay, so you're all right with posing naked for a fund-raising calendar then?'

'What? Wait a minute, you want me to pose naked in a calendar?'

'Yeah, I thought you would be okay with it. We have to volunteer someone from the crew, we've all decided that it should be you.'

'Wait a minute, why do I have to do it, why isn't anyone else doing it?'

'Because you weren't listening to me, Jeffrey Collier. Yeah, I know that you lied to me. I said that you are working with me as usual. I've just asked you to check the ambulance for me too, every word that I said has gone over your head.'

'Just to check, I don't have to pose naked for a calendar, right?'

'No, Jeffrey, you don't,' Dixie said and laughed.

'You're so mean to me sometimes Kathleen Elizabeth Dixon.'

'My full name, I'm for it now. Awww, my poor Jeffrey. What were you thinking about anyway?'

'The time that I spent with Emilie on our little holiday.'

'I thought so, you have a smile on your face. How did it go?'

'It went really well, it was nice to spend some time with Emilie.'

'That's good, I am so glad to hear it. Emilie looked very happy when we dropped the twins off with her this morning.'

'I hope that she is happy.'

'Of course she is mate, she loves you, anyone can see it. You look happy too Jeff.'

'I am.' Jeff smiled at Dixie, he was pleased that she thought Emilie was happy with him. He wanted Emilie to know that he loved her at all times.

Emilie sat with the children in the nursery as they played together, she watched over them with the other nursery staff. She started to think about Jeff and the time that she had spent with him. Emilie smiled to herself, the weekend away had been perfect. Emilie thought about the day that Jeff had proposed to her, she could hardly believe that it was just over a year ago now. She liked that their engagement wasn't being rushed, they would get married in good time. Emilie loved Jeff, she knew it, she looked forward to seeing him when he came home to her. There were times when Jeff had had a tough day at work, she saw it in his face and she would take care of him. She would cook for him, listen to him when he wanted to talk, and hold him when he needed her to. Caring for Jeff made Emilie happy, she had promised him that she would be there for him no matter what happened. Emilie liked it when Jeff held her, his strong arms made her feel safe and secure. Jeff's love had brought much to Emilie's life, she was looking forward to spending the rest her life with him as his wife.

Dixie got herself a coffee from the machine, she stood against the counter in the rec room as she drank it. Hannah was sat at the small table and she had just got herself a coffee too. 'Hey beautiful, is Polly checking the ambulance?'

'She is, she said that I should have some time with you before the shouts start coming in.'

'Polly is a sweet woman, we are lucky to have her as a friend.'

'We are, she makes a wonderful auntie to the babies too.'

'She does. Hannah, do you miss the twins when we are at work?'

'Of course I do, they are well looked after though.'

'I know they are, Emilie won't let anything happen to them.'

'She won't, she looks after all of the children at the nursery as if they are her own.'

'That she does, I think she might be having a child with our Jeffrey soon.'

'It will be lovely when it does happen, I think they're going to get married first though.'

'I think so too,' Dixie said with a smile. 'I am just happy that Jeff has found a woman that loves him.'

'Of course you are, he is your best friend. You are as happy for him as he was for you when we first got together.'

'I remember, I am pleased that everything has worked out for us all.'

'I hope that Polly and Cyd will find someone special too one day.'

'Me too beautiful.' Dixie drank some more of her coffee and then she put the cup down on the side. Everything was going so well for them all and she hoped that it would continue to do so.

Polly closed the cupboard of the ambulance that she had been stocking up, she put some more equipment into one of the other cupboards and then she shut that one too. She checked the petrol level in the ambulance and then she closed the back doors. Polly waved at Cyd and she came over to her. 'Hi Pol, how are you?'

'I'm good, you?'

'I'm okay.'

'How is your family?'

'They're very well, I am missing them a little bit.'

'That's natural, they're your family.'

'I had a good time when I went home for Christmas, it was very hard to leave them when it was time to come back to Holby.'

'You know where I am whenever you need to talk Cyd.'

'I know, thanks Polly.'

'You're welcome, that's what friends are for.' Polly hugged Cyd and she smiled at her when she moved out of the hug. She hoped that she had helped Cyd to feel a bit better, she felt sorry for Cyd, it was obvious that she was feeling homesick and missing her family. Polly felt lucky that she had her family around her when she was at work and at home. She looked into the rec room and she saw Hannah and Dixie hugging each other, it made Polly smile, they were still so in love with each other. Their marriage had gone from strength to strength and Polly hoped to be as happy as Hannah and Dixie in her own relationship one day soon. Polly's smile turned to a small frown, she had been let down by someone she had started to fall in love with, she wondered if she would ever feel all right ever again. Polly took a deep breath, she was trying to put on a brave face for everyone.

Hannah rested her head against Dixie's shoulder as they shared a hug before the first shout came in. 'Hannah, do you want to take the twins out for a walk after work?'

'I'd love to.'

'They're so big now, I can hardly believe it. They're just over a year old now, it has gone so quickly. They're starting to walk and hearing them say their first words has been so amazing.'

'Awww Dixie, you're so very cute when you talk about our little ones.' Hannah kissed Dixie on the nose and hugged her again.

'Am I cute?'

'Of course you are. The twins love their mummy Dixie.'

'They love their mummy Hannah too.'

'I love you Dixie.'

'Love you too sweetheart.'

'Be careful out there.'

'I will, you be careful too Hannah.'

'Of course I will.'

'I just don't want anything to happen to you sweetheart, our babies need you, I need you.'

'I promise that I will be careful, I will be home with you to take our children out for a walk.' Hannah hugged Dixie again, she hoped that she had put Dixie's mind at rest. She knew that Dixie worried about her when she was out on duty. Hannah had her own worries about Dixie being out there, she knew that Jeff would protect Dixie and take care of her. 'Polly will look out for me, you know she will, nothing is going to happen to me.'

'I know, you're right, my beautiful Hannah.' Hannah hugged Dixie and gently stroked her hair to comfort her.

'Everything will be all right Dixie, trust me.'

'I do trust you, always.' Hannah smiled and she kissed Dixie's head.

Cyd found herself looking around the station at her colleagues and friends, she was still missing her family a little bit. She had spent quite a lot of time with them during her visit, she always missed them when she had to return to work. The cold weather wasn't helping her mood, she wasn't a big fan of winter, she liked the snow whenever it arrived though. It was a grey day, it looked as if it was going to rain, she hoped that it wouldn't rain, it always made her feel a bit down. Cyd spotted Dixie coming over to her and she gave her a small smile. 'Hi Dixie, my mum asked me to say hello to you and Hannah, she asked after the twins too. I told her that they're beautiful children and growing well.'

'Thanks Cyd. How did your visit with your family go?'

'It was good, I really enjoyed myself.'

'I am happy to hear that, you miss them, don't you?'

'Yeah, I'll be all right though, I have some good friends here.'

'You do, we're all here for you Cyd.'

'I know, thanks Dixie.' Cyd smiled at Dixie, she was right, she had some very good friends in Holby and they would be there for her whenever she needed them.

Lawrence walked the corridors of the the hospital, he had some time between operations and he was taking a break. He looked out of the window and he saw an ambulance or two leaving the hospital on a shout. Hannah or Dixie would probably be in one of them, every day he wished that they would be safe. His grandchildren needed both Hannah and Dixie to look after them. Lawrence loved the twins, he spent as much time with them as he could. He was happy that he had decided to make his move to Holby permanent. Being away from the memories of the house he had lived in made him feel so much better. He didn't want to be constantly reminded of the fact that his ex wife had tried to kill him. He had started to rent the house out until he decided what to do with it Once the twins had been born and he had held them both, Lawrence decided that he didn't want to leave them behind. He wanted to be with his daughter and Dixie, he wanted to support them, he wanted to be with his family. Getting the position at Holby had made him happy, it meant that he had been able to put the past behind him for good.

Hannah started thinking about her father, she was very proud of him, he had come so far since he had been stabbed by her mother. The court case and the divorce had taken a lot out of him. She was proud of him for going to a counsellor and talking through everything with her. Talking had been hard for him, it had taken a few sessions for him to open up. Hannah?' Polly's voice broke into Hannah's thoughts. 'Are you all right?'

'I am, I was just thinking about my father. I am glad that he decided to stay in Holby.'

'Of course you are. You've both gone through a lot.'

'I know. There are a lot of men that view talking to a counsellor about their feelings shameful. They think that they're supposed to be able to deal with their own feelings.'

'Your dad is a brave man, I admire him for having the courage to talk about everything that he had gone through. Do you think that he is better now?'

'I think so, he has moved on with his life and I am thankful that he has been able to do so.'

'You love your father, I can hear it whenever you talk about him.'

'I do.'

'I feel the same about Jeff, I worry about him sometimes.'

'Do you?'

'Yeah, he's a brave man, I do fear that he will get himself in trouble one of these days.'

'Jeff is more sensible now, you don't have anything to worry about.'

'I love him like a father, I don't want to lose him.'

'I know you don't.' Hannah saw the love and worry that Polly had for Jeff in her eyes, she hugged Polly and smiled at her. 'Don't worry, Jeff won't do anything silly, he has much to live for.'

'You're right.'

'Yes, I am.' Hannah hugged Polly again, she understood that Polly feared losing the people that meant the most to her, she wanted them all to be safe.

Jeff saw Hannah leave Polly to go and get herself a drink, he had just come back after being on a shout with Dixie and he had heard Hannah and Polly talking. He hadn't meant to stay and listen for as long as did, but, something had made him want to listen. 'Princess Polly,' Jeff said.

'Hey Jeff, how did the shout go?'

'It was the usual, a gang fight on the Farmead, one of them came off worse, as always.'

'Yeah, as always.'

'Polly, I heard you talking to Hannah. Are you that worried about me?'

'I am, I think of you as my father, I don't want anything to happen to you.'

'I promise you Pol, nothing is going to happen to me.'

'Can you guarantee that?'

'I can, Dixie would kick my behind if I did anything remotely dangerous.'

'She would,' Polly said and smiled. 'You'd be on paperwork duty for a year.'

'Exactly. Come here princess Polly.' Jeff gave Polly a hug and he kissed her head.

'I just want you and Dixie to be safe, it's a dangerous world out there. I will protect you if I have to, you do know that, don't you?'

'I know, but it is my job to protect you Pol. Is everything okay?'

'Sometimes I worry that something bad will happen to the people I care about.'

'Try not to think about that princess, everything will be fine, I promise.'

'Okay.'

'Don't worry sweetheart.' Jeff kept his arms around Polly and he hugged her close. 'I will stay safe, for you, so that one day I will get to walk you down the aisle when you get married.'

'That sounds nice.' Jeff smiled and he kissed Polly's head again, he loved her dearly and vowed to keep his promise of staying safe for her.

Emilie had read a story to the children after they had had their lunch, she closed the book and put it to one side. One of the girls came over to Emilie and stood in front of her. 'Clara, is everything all right?'

'Emilie, you have a pretty ring, did someone give it to you?'

'Yes, someone gave it to me. Do you remember Prince Charming in Cinderella?' Clara nodded and Emilie smiled at her.

'Did Prince Charming give you the ring?'

'I suppose you could say that. I live with a man named Jeff, he gave me the ring.'

'Will you marry him?'

'One day, we will marry when the time is right.'

'Okay,' Clara smiled and she ran off to play with the other children. Emilie felt the warmth around her heart, talking with Clara had made her happy. She loved Jeff, he was her Prince Charming, he loved her and cared for her. Emilie looked at the children again, she briefly wondered what a child that she had with Jeff would look like. Would the baby have his eyes? Emilie hoped that he or she would do, she still thought that Jeff had lovely eyes and she liked to look into them.

Emilie looked at the clock, she didn't have long to go before she would be on her way home, Jeff would be home shortly after her and she looked forward to seeing him. She started to think about cooking something for Jeff and Polly, she knew that they would be hungry after their shift. Emilie went back to the children and she started getting them ready for when their parents arrived to pick them up. She made sure that they had everything that they had brought with them and helped them to put their coats on. Emilie helped Thomas and Elizabeth into their coats and got them ready to take them home to Hannah and Dixie. She smiled as she thought about spending the evening with Jeff and cuddling up with him on the sofa. Emilie wanted the evening to be perfect, she was very sure that it would be. Being with Jeff made Emilie happy and she vowed to spend some time with him and cuddle before they went to bed.


	2. Chapter Two

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, they are very much appreciated. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)**

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**Chapter Two.**

Hannah stopped the car outside the house that Jeff and Emilie shared with Polly, she got out and closed the door behind her. Dixie got out of the other side of the car and waited until Hannah had put the alarm on. They went into the house and found Emilie sat on the sofa with Thomas and Elizabeth. Little Abs was lying on the floor, he loved the twins, and he wagged his tail when Hannah and Dixie came into the room. 'Hello Emilie, how have the twins been today?' Hannah asked as she stroked Little Abs.

'They have been just fine, they've had their tea and some warm milk. We've been reading stories, I think they are a bit tired now though.'

'Thank you for looking after them for us.'

'It's my pleasure, they are lovely children.' Hannah smiled and she sat next to Thomas, he immediately climbed into her lap and hugged her, she hugged him back and kissed his head. 'Mama.'

'Hello, my little one. Have you been good for Auntie Emilie and Little Abs?' Thomas nodded and smiled. 'That's my boy.' Hannah held Thomas close to her and she watched him yawn. 'I think my little man is tired, bath and bed for you when you get home.' Thomas shook his head.

'No, mama.' Hannah chuckled and she kissed Thomas on the head again, he was getting to be his own person. She loved that Thomas took after Dixie in many of his ways, she was beginning to see it more often as he grew up.

Dixie hugged Elizabeth, the little girl was yawning and rubbing her eyes. 'Almost time for bed for you sweet pea.'

'Mama, story.'

'You can have the princess story when you go home.' Dixie smiled, she loved it when the twins called her mama, it warmed her heart to know that the little ones loved her. She watched Hannah with Thomas, he was a very loving little boy, he liked to be cuddled. Being a mum made Dixie happy, her dearest wish had come true, and she was so glad that it had. Dixie stroked Elizabeth's hair, it had grown long and she loved it, her daughter was very beautiful. Jeff came into the room and Dixie smiled at him. 'If it isn't princess Elizabeth and prince Thomas.' Elizabeth gazed up at Jeff when he stood in front of her. 'Up,' Elizabeth said, and she held her arms out to Jeff, he picked her up and tickled her sides. Dixie smiled when Elizabeth giggled, Jeff loved the twins, and they loved him too. Jeff was the perfect uncle to the twins, he doted on them, he and Emilie were always happy to look after them if Dixie and Hannah wanted to go out for a while.

Hannah gave Thomas to Polly for a little while, Polly was an excellent auntie to the twins, she would often pop round to Hannah and Dixie's house just so that she could see them. 'Pol, having a baby on your knee suits you.'

'Do you think so?'

'Definitely, Thomas and Elizabeth love you. Are you feeling any better?'

'I'm not sure, every relationship that I have had hasn't worked out. I want to find someone that I can fall in love with, someone that wants me for who I am. I wish that life would go my way for once.'

'You will find that someone, I know you will.'

'Will I? I thought that I had that with Jay, then he decided that he didn't want to be with me.'

'Jay is an idiot, you deserve so much better. You are a beautiful woman Polly, one day you will find a man that adores you, one that wants you for who you are.'

'I hope you're right.' Hannah was mad at Jay, he had hurt Polly and she had been upset about it for some time now.

'I am, you deserve someone to love you.' Hannah hugged Polly and she hoped that she had helped her to feel a little bit better. 'Chin up Pol, we all love you.'

'Thanks Hannah.'

'You know that I am here for you whenever you need me.'

'I know, I think I am going to have a soak in the tub, I'll see you tomorrow.' Polly kissed Thomas on the head, she did the same to Elizabeth and then she left the room. Hannah watched Polly leave, she wished that she could take Polly's pain away for her.

Jeff also watched Polly leave the room, he was angry at Jay for breaking Polly's heart, he knew that she had loved him. 'Jay is lucky that he left Holby with Ruth, if he was here then I would punch him one for what he put Polly through.'

'Get in line mate,' Dixie said, Jeff heard the anger in Dixie's voice.

'She was so hurt after he left her, we came back here and she cried for a long time. I held her until she fell asleep, I don't know how he could hurt her like that.'

'I don't either,' Emilie said and she put her arms around Jeff. 'Thank goodness that there are men like you in the world, Jeff. Polly will be okay, she has all of you supporting her.'

'I hope you're right, Polly is putting a brave face on it all. I wish I knew how to help her feel better.'

'She needs time, a broken heart can only heal with time.' Jeff sighed, he knew that Emilie was right, Polly needed time to heal. He put his hand on top of Emilie's where it rested on his chest, he was glad that she was with him to help Polly. Jeff promised himself that he would give Polly hugs and bring her chocolate whenever she needed them, he would be there for her no matter what. Dixie, Hannah, and Cyd would be there for Polly too, they would look after her.

Dixie and Hannah said goodnight to Jeff and Emilie, they put the twins in their car seats and strapped them in securely. They drove home and switched on the lights and the heating when they got in the house, the nights were cold and Dixie and Hannah wanted the twins to be warm. Dixie ran a bath for the twins as Hannah got them undressed, she tested the water with her elbow to make sure that it wasn't too hot for the twins. 'Come on little pup,' Dixie said and picked Thomas up. 'Time for you to have a bath.' She carefully lowered Thomas into the water and supported him to keep him safe. Hannah put Elizabeth into the other side of the bath, bathing the twins together was a ritual for Hannah and Dixie. The twins were close as siblings, Hannah and Dixie hoped that they would stay close as they grew up. Dixie gently moved the sponge over Thomas and washed him with the baby body wash that she had bought. Elizabeth was getting the same treatment from Hannah on the other side of the bath, both of the twins looked content, they liked bath time.

Once Thomas and Elizabeth had been washed, Dixie and Hannah wrapped them in soft towels and carefully dried them both. They got the twins ready for bed and Hannah hugged Thomas close to her, she sat in the rocking chair and gently kissed his head. Dixie held Elizabeth in her arms and she stroked her hair. 'Once upon a time, there was a little girl, Ellie her name was, she lived in a house at the edge of the forest with her mum. The little girl made friends with the animals of the forest; the birds would sing with her and the squirrels sat with her and listened to her stories.' Dixie paused for a moment and then continued with the story. 'Ellie grew up and she looked after the little house at the edge of the forest for many years, her mum had died and Ellie was all alone. Ellie felt lonely, she wished on a star for someone to come to her and end her loneliness. One day, Ellie had gone out to get some blackberries for a pie when she saw some red fabric covering one of the bushes. Ellie rushed over and she found a man injured nearby. The man was barely conscious, Ellie helped him back to her house and she gave him a herb to help him sleep.' Dixie stroked Elizabeth's hair again, the little girl was almost asleep. 'When he was asleep, Ellie tended to his injuries, he had broken his leg when he had fallen off his horse. She secured his leg the best that she could and then left the man to sleep.' Dixie looked over at Thomas, he was sleeping in Hannah's arms.

'The man, David, woke up to find himself in Ellie's house, she was sat next to the bed. He asked Ellie what had happened, and told her that he was a prince and the heir to the throne of the kingdom. The prince had men out looking for him, his father and mother were very worried about him. David wanted to go home, his injured leg prevented him from doing so though. Ellie looked after David as his leg began to get better, she had noticed the way that David had begun to look at her.' Dixie smiled at Hannah, she hoped that Hannah liked her stories. 'Ellie was beginning to fall in love too, taking care of David had given her the time to get to know him. She was out getting some herbs when a white horse turned up in front of the house. David came out of the house and the horse went over to him, he stroked it and told Ellie that it was his horse from the castle. Ellie was sad, David could return to the castle, she didn't want him to let him go, she would miss him. David saw that Ellie was sad, he told her that he loved her and kissed her. He put Ellie on the back of the horse and took her to the castle where he married her and she became a princess. Ellie gave birth to a little girl and a little boy and they all lived happily ever after.' Dixie stood up and she put Elizabeth into her cot, she was fast asleep, Dixie kissed her head. 'Goodnight sweetheart, I love you.' She covered Elizabeth up to keep her warm through the night.

Hannah put Thomas in his cot, she kissed him goodnight and pulled his quilt up around his shoulders. She went to Elizabeth while Dixie wished Thomas goodnight, she gently stroked her hair and kissed her head. Hannah felt Dixie's arms move around her and she moved back into her embrace. 'Dixie, you tell wonderful stories,' Hannah whispered quietly.

'Do you think so?'

'I do. Come on Dixie, let's go to bed.'

'Sounds good to me, beautiful. I am happy that you like my stories.' Hannah and Dixie quietly left the nursery and checked the monitor was on to keep a check on the twins throughout the night. Hannah got herself ready for bed and she found Dixie already curled up under the quilt. 'Hey Dixie, you look cute all snuggled up like that.'

'It is nice and warm under here, come and join me.' Hannah smiled and she slipped under the quilt and into Dixie's arms.

'Dixie, do you believe in happily ever after?'

'I do, I found it with you.' Hannah smiled and she felt Dixie press a kiss to her forehead. 'I love you Hannah, always and forever.'

'Love you too Dixie, always and forever.' Hannah closed her eyes and snuggled herself closer to Dixie, she loved being in her arms.

Cyd knew that Polly was upset, she was putting on a brave face for all of their sakes. Polly had been very happy when Jay first asked her to go out with him. She had liked him from afar for some time, and for a while their relationship had gone well. Cyd sighed, why did life let some people down? Why was it always the nice people that ended up hurt? Jay had run back to Ruth and left Holby with her, Polly had been left behind to suffer with a broken heart. It made Cyd angry, Polly had been a good friend to her and she deserved some happiness. Cyd had tried to spend as much time with Polly as she could, listened to her when she needed to talk, and given her a hug when she needed one. Everyone had worked together to make sure that Polly wasn't alone. Cyd sighed again, she wished that Polly would be able to heal and find someone that deserved her. Dixie had wanted to go after Jay and give him a mouthful when she found out what he had done. Jeff wanted to hit him, Cyd privately agreed with Jeff, Jay deserved a good slap for what he had put Polly through. She shook her head, Polly needed their love and hugs to get through everything that she was going through. Hitting Jay wouldn't change anything, though it would make a lot of people feel a whole lot better.

Jeff knocked on Polly's door, she hadn't come back down after her bath and he wanted to make sure that she was all right. 'Come in,' Polly said from the other side of the door. He let himself in the room and closed the door behind him. 'Hey Pol, Emilie made some hot chocolate, I thought that you might like some.' Jeff handed Polly the cup of chocolate.

'Thanks Jeff.' Polly drank some of the chocolate and she wrapped her hands around the cup.

'Pol, are you all right?' Jeff sat on the edge of Polly's bed, he was worried about her.

'Yeah, I'm okay.'

'You know that I care about you Polly, we all do, we just want you to be happy.'

'I know, that means a lot, I love you all.'

'You are my Polly, I don't like seeing you sad.'

'I'm sorry Jeff, I feel like I'm letting you down.'

'You're not, it's okay to be sad. The only person that has let me down is Jay, he hurt you when he promised me that he wouldn't.'

'Was it me? Why didn't he want me?'

'It wasn't you Polly, it was him. Jay didn't want you because he is stupid, forget him sweetheart, you deserve a better man than him.'

'Can I have a hug?'

'Of course you can.' Jeff hugged Polly when she got close enough to him. 'Everything is going to be all right princess. You'll always have us, nobody is going to take us away from you.'

'I am glad to hear that.' Jeff just held Polly in his arms, he would give her all of the time she needed.

Polly was glad to have Jeff with her, she was hurting after Jay's betrayal of her, she had thought that everything had been going well between them. She didn't understand why he had suddenly abandoned her, then she found out from Tess that he was leaving Holby with Ruth. He had tried to explain, but she hadn't wanted to hear it. Polly closed her eyes, Jeff was warm and his embrace was comforting. 'Jeff, will you stay with me for a little while?'

'Of course I will.'

'Won't Emilie mind that you're here with me?'

'She doesn't mind, she knows what you're going through. Emilie wanted to hit Jay when she found out what he had done to you.'

'She wasn't the only one, I know that you wanted to as well.'

'I did, Dixie said that I wasn't allowed to do it.'

'I am glad that you didn't, I don't want you to lose your job.'

'Yeah, I know princess.' Polly rested her head on Jeff's shoulder.

'I'm tired.'

'Go to sleep Polly, you need to get some rest.'

'Will you stay with me, just until I fall asleep?'

'Of course I will.' Polly smiled and she got into her bed, having Jeff by her side made her feel so much better. She closed her eyes and tried to relax so that she could go to sleep.

Jeff sat by Polly's side, he had switched the light off and left her small lamp on, he held Polly's hand in his own and gently stroked it. He just watched her as she slowly fell asleep. Once Jeff was sure that Polly was asleep he quietly got up. He kissed her on the head and made sure that she was covered up by the quilt. 'Goodnight Polly, one day you will be happy princess.' Jeff switched the lamp off and left Polly's room, he shut the door behind him and went into his bedroom. Emilie was already in bed and she was reading. He sat down on the bed with a sigh and Emilie closed her book. 'That was quite the sigh, Jeff.'

'Yeah, Polly is so unhappy right now.'

'She will be all right, she has you looking after her.'

'Polly asked me to stay with her until she fell asleep.'

'It is the nights that are the hardest when you're suffering from a broken a heart, being alone makes it feel so much worse.'

'I don't know if I am helping her or not.'

'You are, having you by her side as she falls asleep is what she needs.'

'I hope so,' Jeff said quietly, he just wanted to help Polly get over her broken heart. Jay had betrayed Polly in the worst possible way and Jeff wished that he could make him suffer for it.

Emilie put her arms around Jeff and she hugged him, she knew that he wanted to help Polly. 'Jeff, I am lucky to have you. You're a wonderful man, your devotion to your friends and your children proves that. I hope that Polly finds someone as lovely as you.' Emilie kissed Jeff on the cheek and she rested her head on his shoulder. 'Come to bed Jeff, you've had a long day.'

'I have.' Emilie lay back on her pillow as Jeff got undressed and then he climbed into bed with her. She felt Jeff rest his head on her shoulder and she put her arms around him. 'Everything will be all right Jeff, I promise.' Emilie was happy that Jeff still wanted her to hold him from time to time, he cuddled up to her when he needed to be comforted. 'Will it?'

'Yes, in time, just keep being there for Polly when she needs you.'

'I will, I won't let her down.'

'You're a good man, Jeffrey Collier.' Emilie stroked her hand over Jeff's head, she knew that he was finding it hard to see Polly suffering. Jeff loved Polly like a daughter and he wanted the best for her. 'I love you Jeff.'

'I love you too Emilie.'

'Try and get some sleep.'

'Okay.' Emilie gently stroked her hand over Jeff's head and his back until he fell asleep in her arms. She pressed a gentle kiss to Jeff's forehead and listened to him breathing gently in his sleep. Emilie was certain that Jeff was asleep, she closed her eyes and soon joined him, she hoped that tomorrow would be a better day for them all.


	3. Chapter Three

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, I appreciate you taking the time to review. On with the story... :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Three.**

Dixie helped the patient she had brought to the hospital into a wheelchair, she started to push her towards the emergency department entrance. Jeff followed Dixie and he held the door open for her. Dylan came over when he saw them enter the building and he stopped in front of them. 'Dixie, Jeff, what do you have for me?'

'This lovely young lady is Maria,' Jeff said. 'She has an unidentified object lodged in her upper right bicep, we suspect that it might be some kind of gunshot wound.'

'Cubicle nine is free.'

'All right mate.' Dixie wheeled Maria into the cubicle and then she helped her to sit on the bed. Dylan walked into the cubicle and pulled a pair of gloves on from the box by the bed. 'Okay, I've got it from here.'

'Good luck sweetheart,' Dixie said and pulled the curtain across the cubicle as she left, she then started to wheel the chair back to the front of the ED. 'Dixie?' Jeff called Dixie's name cautiously. 'Is everything all right?' Dixie didn't answer him. 'Dix?'

'Come and see me in my office after you have put the ambulance back in the bay.'

'What for?'

'You know what for.' Jeff watched Dixie walk off and he went to do as she asked him, he knew that she was angry at him. He hoped that Dixie would have calmed down by the time that he went into her office to see her. Jeff wondered if now was a good time to buy Dixie a bar of chocolate and a coffee in the hope that it would lessen the telling off that he was about to get from her. He didn't think that he had done anything wrong, Dixie obviously did though. He wondered if grovelling to Dixie would get him off the hook.

Noel watched the video on his computer with some concern, where had it come from? Who was behind it? It was a very distorted voice saying some very strange things and then the time of midday flashed upon the screen with heavy metal music playing in the background. Midday, what was going to happen at midday? Noel looked at the clock, there were still a few hours to go until midday. He hoped that the video was just something weird made by teenagers that were messing around. Jeff came into the ED and Noel called out to him. 'Jeff, come here a minute mate.'

'What is it?'

'Watch this, it is really dodgy.' Noel tried to play the video again, but it had been removed.

'This video has been removed due to explicit content,' Jeff read out off the screen. 'Have you been watching something you shouldn't on work time?'

'No, it wasn't like that, it was something really weird.'

'Don't let Charlie catch you, you'll be in trouble,' Jeff said and walked away.

'I think that something bad is going to happen.' Noel sighed as Jeff walked away from him, he hoped that he was wrong about the video and his thoughts that something bad would happen.

Hannah noticed Dixie stalking into the station, she looked as if something had happened to annoy her on the shout that her and Jeff had just been on. She watched Dixie walk into her office and then looked at Polly. 'Dixie doesn't look happy at all.'

'I know, I wonder what Jeff has done to annoy her.'

'How do you know that it was Jeff?' Polly raised her eyebrow and Hannah smiled. 'Of course it was, sometimes I wonder how they have remained friends for so long.'

'They are very alike, that can sometimes lead to them arguing.'

'I know, they'll have their little spat and then they'll get over it. I bet that Dixie has called Jeff into her office for a little chat about whatever he has done.'

'Of course she has, I think that Jeff might be in for it when he goes to her office. I bet that he will buy her chocolate and bring her a coffee to butter her up.'

'His usual, he always gets them for her when he has done something wrong.' Hannah and Polly chuckled when Jeff walked into the ambulance station, he was carrying a cup of coffee and a chocolate bar. Hannah watched Jeff walk into Dixie's office, he looked like a man that knew he was up next for the high jump and had no chance of clearing the pole.

Dixie looked at the photos that sat on her desk, she had added to them recently. There was a picture of herself and Hannah on their wedding day, she smiled when she looked at it. The picture of Elizabeth and Thomas was next to it; Dixie looked at the picture whenever she was missing the twins. Dixie's eyes moved over the photos until she came to the one that she'd had taken with Jeff, she picked it up and then she sat in her chair. She sighed as she sat down, talking to Jeff about his actions having consequences was always hard work. She wished that he would be more careful when he was out on duty. Dixie looked up as Jeff walked into her office, he had a cup of coffee and a chocolate bar with him, he obviously hoped that he would be able to get around his telling off. Jeff put the items down on the desk and then he stood back. 'Sit down Jeffrey, if you think getting me chocolate and coffee means you're off the hook, then you have another thing coming.'

'Dix, if you're going to read me the riot act then save it, I already know what you're going to say.'

'Do you? I sometimes wonder, no matter how many times I tell you about playing the hero, you still do it. You go running off into all sorts of situations and one of these days I will be calling Emilie and your children to tell them that you've got yourself injured.'

'Is this because I ran after the thief?'

'What do you think? We're not the police, it is their job to catch the criminals. We are the ones that patch people up and take them to hospital, have you forgotten that Jeffrey?'

'I haven't forgotten anything, because of me Maria got her stuff back.'

'Because of you she got shot in the arm.'

'So, it is my fault that there's an idiot with a gun roaming about?'

'If you had stayed out of it then she wouldn't have been shot in the first place.'

'You don't know that.' Dixie sighed, Jeff was being stubborn again.

'Maybe not, but you have got to be more careful. If I have to tell you again then I will put you on the patient transport team until you learn to think before you do anything.'

'Is that it, can I go?'

'Yeah, you can go, just be more careful.' Dixie watched Jeff leave her office, he didn't seem to realise that she was worried about him, that she wanted him to be safe. She sighed again, it looked as if it was going to be a very long day.

Jeff left Dixie's office, he knew that she was just looking after him, there was a part of him that was a bit mad at her for not understanding that he had just wanted to help Maria. Hannah and Polly had just parked their ambulance in the bay. 'Have you just been on a shout?'

'Yeah, we have,' Polly said and leaned against the door of the ambulance. 'Our patient had been shot in the head, we did our best for him, but he didn't make it.'

'Have we got a nutter on the loose?'

'It certainly sounds like it, that's the third casualty with a gunshot wound today. A man was brought in earlier, he had been shot in the leg.' Jeff heard Dixie's voice from behind him, he saw that she looked worried. Jeff understood Dixie's worries, if someone was out there and shooting people then they would have to look out for each other even more than they usually did. Hannah and Polly went into the rec room for a drink and Jeff turned to Dixie. 'Dixie, you're worried, aren't you?'

'Yeah, how can I not be? There's someone out there that is shooting people. Promise me that you'll be careful, please, it could be one of us next.'

'I promise. Don't worry Dixie, we'll be all right.'

'I'm just going to warn everyone else about what is happening out there.'

'All right.' Jeff watched Dixie leave, he was just as worried about everything that was happening out there, where would it all lead? One person had already died, would someone be able to stop the person behind it before more people died?

Noel stood in front of the computer again, another video had been posted by the same user. The police had asked him for the locations of the patients that had been shot, and he had marked the places on a map for them. The police were stood behind him and watching the video with him, the words that were coming through the speakers chilled Noel to the bone. 'Here is the very embodiment of what is wrong with this whole world. We put beauty above all else. It used to be all about the survival of the fittest, and now the word fit means good looking. Evolution has taken a wrong turn, I aim to put it on the right track. Let me show you the object of my desire, let me show you my hate.' Maniacal laughter flowed from the speakers and then the video ended. Noel looked at both of the police officers, he saw that they looked as concerned as he had about the previous video. One of them started talking into the radio and put all of the patrols on alert. Noel was glad that they were taking it seriously, he was very worried that something really bad was about to happen. He looked at the clock again, there wasn't long to go until midday.

Polly looked around at the crews that were going in and out of the station, everyone was on alert. The police had warned them all of the multiple shootings that were happening in the area. They'd also had a report of a hooded man hanging around in the area, he had been spotted a few times. There had been another report a few minutes ago, the man had been spotted near to the local college. Polly sensed that Dixie was worried, she went to her office and knocked quietly on the door. She opened the door as Dixie waved her in, Polly sat down on the sofa and she took a deep breath. 'You're worried, aren't you?'

'Yeah Pol, I am. Strange people hanging around and three shootings in one day. I know that Holby isn't always peaceful, but this is something else.'

'I'm worried too, it feels like there's something big about to happen.'

'I know.'

'It feels like it does before a storm, like the whole world is holding its breath.'

'Then there are the videos that Noel saw, it sounds like there is a very disturbed person out there. Who knows what they are capable of.'

'Yeah,' Polly said and sighed again, she hated it when someone thought that it was all right to hurt innocent people. She hoped that everything would be okay.

Cyd felt the nerves of everyone in the station, they were all on edge and waiting for something to happen. She wasn't sure what was going on, someone was behind the shootings and someone had died. That person was now a murderer, they had killed someone, had that been their intention? How many more people was he or she capable of killing? Cyd prayed that everyone would make it through the shift safely. She wondered what made someone capable of killing, what made someone want to take the life of another person? All of the people that were working around her were subdued, the usual joking about and laughter had disappeared from the station. They all had difficult days, but this was different, there was a sense fear about everyone. Cyd knew that everyone was thinking about their families and if they would make it home to them at the end of the day. She had a sudden urge to call her mum, she picked up her phone and went to find a quiet corner of the station. If something was going to happen then she wanted to talk to her mum first.

Hannah closed her hands around the hot chocolate that she had made for herself, Jeff came into the room and he made himself a coffee. 'You look troubled Hannah.'

'I'm worried, everything that is going on out there is scarier than normal.'

'I know, three shootings in one day, that's unusual, even for Holby.'

'What is going on? What makes someone want to shoot someone?'

'Now there's a question.'

'Jeff, look after Dixie for me.'

'I will, don't worry princess.'

'Thank you. What did you do to annoy her?'

'I may have chased down a thief to get a bag back for our patient.'

'I see, did Dixie give you a telling off in her office?'

'She did.'

'She's only doing it because she cares for you.'

'I know, that's Dixie all over.'

'Dixie doesn't want anything to happen to any of us, she's just looking out for us.'

'Yeah, she has a right to be worried, there's so much going on at the minute.'

'There is.'

'Hannah, take care of Polly.'

'I will, she's still going through a rough time. Polly will be all right, she has us.' Jeff nodded his agreement and Hannah smiled at him. 'We have each other, as long as we stick together then we will be all right.' Hannah took a drink from her cup of chocolate, having friends around her would make getting through the day so much easier.

Jeff found Dixie in the ambulance, she was putting extra equipment into the cupboards, he just watched her for a few moments. 'Dixie, what are you doing?'

'I am just adding a few more pieces of equipment to the cupboards.'

'We stocked up the ambulance before, remember?'

'I know, there's no harm in being prepared.'

'You're really worried about everything that is going on, aren't you?' Dixie closed one of the cupboards and she slowly turned around. Jeff saw the look on Dixie's face, it was one of worry and fear. 'Dixie, come here princess.' He stepped into the ambulance and gave Dixie a hug. 'It's okay princess, everything is going to be all right.'

'Is it? There's a maniac on the loose with a gun, every time a crew leaves the station, I wonder if they will come back in one piece.'

'I know, it is tough day for us all. I'm sorry that I ran off on you earlier.'

'It's all right, consider it forgiven.' Jeff smiled and he hugged Dixie again.

'I'll look after you princess, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise.'

'I'll look after you too Jeffrey.'

'Cheers princess.' Jeff let his head rest against Dixie's and he hoped that his hug was bringing her some comfort.

Dixie closed her eyes as Jeff hugged her, his warmth was making her feel better. It had been a trying day, she had warned all of the crews to be careful when they went out. She hoped that there would be a report saying that the police had caught the gunman. Dixie sighed, how many people would he hurt before he was caught? What would happen next? She hoped that all of her staff would be safe. 'Jeff.'

'Yeah.'

'The woman that we brought into the ED before.'

'Maria?'

'Yeah, she was flirting with you. I saw her looking at you when I was patching her up.'

'Was she? I didn't notice.'

'You didn't notice that she happened to mention that she was single?'

'No, why would I? I am a one woman man, I have Emilie.'

'That's good to hear Jeffrey, when is Emilie going to make an honest man of you?'

'When we're ready, we're not in a hurry.'

'I am so glad that it has worked out for you, Emilie makes you happy.'

'She does.' Dixie smiled, talking to Jeff had helped her to feel a bit better about the day.

Cyd shut the door to the ambulance that she had been driving, she'd just been out to a hoax call. It was those calls that annoyed her the most, someone had deliberately wasted their time and risked the life of those in real need of help. She sighed quietly and she went over to Dixie. 'Hoax call, hence why we weren't gone for too long.'

'I see, I swear if I ever catch the people that makes those calls then I am going to run them over with the ambulance.' Cyd smiled at Dixie's words. 'As if we need it today, we have enough going on.'

'They haven't caught him yet then?'

'No Cyd, they haven't.'

'I hope they catch him soon.'

'I do too. You are being careful when you're out there, aren't you?'

'Yeah, I am, don't worry.'

'It is my job to worry about you all.'

'You haven't changed one bit.'

'I've got a few more lines around my eyes, that's a change.'

'Nonsense, you're still a very beautiful woman Dixie. I know that Hannah thinks so.'

'Yeah, I am lucky to have her.'

'She thinks the same about you.' Cyd saw Dixie smile, she knew that she had said the right thing. She looked at the clock, midday, it was almost time for lunch, Cyd was looking forward to having something nice to eat.

Dixie was about to head off to the rec room when the loudspeaker in the garage went off. 'Holby control to 3004, 3006, and 3008. Major emergency at Holby Community College, shots have been fired, multiple casualties, police are on the way to the college with armed officers. Holby City Emergency Department has been designated as the emergency centre for all casualties from the college. All crews not on a current call are being sent to the scene to assist with the injured, non emergency calls are being diverted to St. James' Hospital. This is all the information we have at present, we will update all crews as more information arrives.' Dixie saw Jeff as he came out of the rec room and stood in front of her. Polly and Hannah went to their ambulance as Cyd and Becca drove out of the garage. Dixie had noticed the worried looks that had passed between Hannah and Polly as they had gone to their ambulance. '3006, all received and mobile,' Dixie said into her radio.

'Dixie, it appears that the gunman has struck again.'

'I know, I had hoped that the police would have caught him before it came to this.'

'Me too.' Dixie put on her seat belt and started the sirens, once Jeff was in beside her she drove out of the garage. The thought it was going to be a very long day entered Dixie's mind again. She really hoped that nobody had been killed, they were all at the mercy of a man that wouldn't hesitate to shoot to kill anyone that got in his way. Dixie said a silent prayer that all of the emergency staff at the college would come out of there safely.


	4. Chapter Four

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, your support means a lot to me :)  
**

**A/N2: This chapter contains some subjects that might upset people, if you wish to stop reading at any time then please do. **

* * *

**Chapter Four.**

The fire alarm was sounding its shrill cry from inside the college as the first of the Holby ambulance crews pulled up outside. Distressed and scared students were running out of the doors at the front of the college towards safety, some of them were crying or in shock, and others had blood on their clothes. Some of the injured staff and students were sat or lying on the floor outside of the building, the police were trying to get them all as far away from the college as they could. They had set up barriers around the college to keep all of the bystanders and the news crews back from the building. Dixie surveyed the scene as she climbed out of the ambulance, she could hear screaming and the sound of gunshots coming from inside the college. She shook her head, the sound of people in distress always got to her. There were armed police officers at various points around the college and on the roof, she wondered if there were any more of them inside the college. Dixie was vaguely aware of her team unloading the ambulances of the bits of kit that they would need to treat the casualties that were brought to them. Some of the crews that had arrived from other stations had already started treating the injured people that had already escaped the college. Sirens were approaching from all directions, more police and paramedics were on their way. Dixie quickly surveyed the scene and noted that some volunteers were setting up an area for those that had escaped the college without harm. There were a few students already there and they all looked upset, some of them were being comforted by their tutors. The students and staff of the college were going to need some counselling after everything that they had been through.

Dixie looked around when someone called out to her. 'Are you in charge of this crew?'

'I am, Kathleen Darbyshire-Dixon, I'm the duty manager of the station.'

'I'm Graham Weatherby, I'm the major incident commander, you will report to me today. Some of our officers are about to go inside, they will establish that the reception area of the college is safe before going further into the building. We have reports of several injured students and tutors that are still inside the college. We will need some of your crew to go inside and help the injured that are still inside, our armed officers will find those that need medical treatment and bring them to the medical team. When the reception is cleared, it will be made into a designated safe zone to treat those that need immediate medical attention. Four armed officers will cover your staff at all times just in case the gunman tries to return to the reception area.'

'How many of the paramedics do you need to go inside the college?'

'Four to start with, we may need more as time goes on, it all depends on how many of the students and teachers that need medical attention inside the building. Those that have minor injuries will be escorted from the college for treatment away from the teams that remain outside.'

'All right, I'll assign four members to go with you.'

'Good, the team will be briefed before they go into the college.'

'All right, I'll send the team over to you when the decision has been made.' Graham went over to the armed response team to prepare them for going into the building. Dixie sighed, she didn't want to put any of the paramedics in danger, it would be very dangerous inside the college.

Dixie turned back to the team of paramedics that she had command of, how could she choose who to send inside the college? How could she choose who was to risk their lives? Jeff and Polly were stood behind Dixie, she just knew what they were about to say when she saw them. 'Dix, we want to go in.'

'Jeff, Polly, it is dangerous in there.'

'It's our job Dixie,' Polly said. 'We want to go in and help those that need us.'

'Okay,' Dixie said slowly, 'on one condition, you must look after each other.'

'We will.'

'Be careful, both of you.'

'Of course we will,' Jeff said. Dixie nodded, she hoped that Polly and Jeff being careful would be enough to keep them safe. Two of the other paramedics from the station at St. James' also volunteered to go in with Jeff and Polly. Dixie watched them all go to the police so that they could be briefed on what would happen when they went into the college building. She wasn't happy about any of the paramedics going into the college, she knew that it was necessary, there were people inside that needed help. Dixie quietly prayed that everyone who went inside would stay safe and make it out unharmed.

Hannah watched Polly and Jeff as they stood with the rest of the people that would be going into the building, she was worried about them both. The gunman was still at large and they hadn't caught him yet, every so often someone would scream or there would be a sound of a gunshot. A few of the police marksmen had gone into the building ahead of the main team, they had the duty of disabling the gunman. Hannah had heard them talking, if they couldn't stop him then they had permission to shoot to kill. 'Hannah, are you okay?' It was Dixie's voice. 'You're very quiet.'

'I'm worried about Polly and Jeff, they're both going into a very dangerous situation.'

'I know, they will look after each other. Jeff and Polly have both promised me that they will be careful when they're in there.'

'Of course they will. It reminds me of when we went into the bank together, I finally understand what it must have been like for Jeff and Polly having to wait for us. I know that they were worried about us being in a dangerous situation.'

'I know, I'm worried too.' Hannah and Dixie stood together in silence as they waited for the first of the walking wounded to come to them for treatment. They hoped that their friends would be safe while they were treating people inside the college.

Jeff and Polly stood behind the line of police marksmen that were to go into the college and secure the reception area. Each of the officers were wearing heavy body armour to protect them from any bullets that were fired their way, they were armed with a rifle each too. Polly found herself not wanting to look at the guns, they made her think of the damage that a bullet could do to people. Polly shuddered and Jeff turned to look at her. 'Are you all right Pol?'

'Yeah, sort of. It's hard knowing that people are in there and that they are being hurt. I know that many more people will be hurt be hurt or killed by the time this shout is over with.'

'We'll help them, stick close to me, I'll protect you Pol.'

'What about you, who will protect you?'

'Don't worry about me Polly, I am a tough man, I always come out of these situations without a scratch on me.'

'I'll protect you.'

'Polly, it is my job to protect you.'

'Even so, I've got your back Jeff.'

'Thanks princess.' Jeff put his arms around Polly and he hugged her. 'I won't let anyone hurt you princess, I promise. I won't let him near you, ever, you know that, right?'

'I know.' Polly leaned into Jeff's embrace, she trusted him to protect her and look after her. She wanted to protect Jeff too, she had meant it when she said that she had his back. Jeff squeezed Polly's shoulder as they walked into the college together, it was time for them to do their job and help the people that needed them.

Cyd watched as the college doors closed behind the team that had gone into the college, they were out of view now. She hoped that Jeff and Polly would be safe inside the college, the look of worry on Dixie's face was clear for everyone to see. Cyd looked at the few students that were sat in the treatment area; they were wrapped in blankets to protect them from the cold. A lot of them were in shock from their ordeal inside the college. Some of them had seen classmates shot in front of them, others had run as fast as they could to avoid the carnage that had started to unfold in front of them. Some of them had been injured as people had fled the college in terror. Cyd hoped that their parents would come and get them soon, they needed people to take care of them and support them after their ordeal. Some of the students were huddled in groups, their shared experiences inside the college had brought them together. Nobody spoke, a lot of the students were lost in their own thoughts. Cyd understood how they felt, she had seen a few young people with very serious injuries, how many of them would survive? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, it was days like these ones that she hated the most. It was always the innocent people that got hurt.

Hannah took another pair of gloves off and put them in the yellow clinical waste bag, another of her patients had just been helped into an ambulance. Simone had seen her boyfriend shot in front of her, she had been silent all of the time that Hannah had been treating her. She hadn't been injured, but she was in shock, the poor girl was so upset. Hannah rubbed her hand over her eyes, she was finding it tough to keep going, the emotions of the day were getting to her. Many of the students and tutors had gone to hospital, some of them had been shot more than once. One of the tutors had told Hannah that the gunman was a young boy, she wondered what had driven him to want to kill people. The tutor had gone on to say how one of her students had tried to stop him firing into a room of younger students. He had been shot in the chest and had been in a very bad way when he had been put into the ambulance. Hannah felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see Dixie stood behind her. 'Are you all right?'

'It is tough, so many people have been hurt.'

'I know, all we can do is do our best for them.' Hannah sighed, she nodded, Dixie was right, she would do her best for everyone that she treated.

'There are some people that won't make it to the end of today, some are already dead. Why do bad things happen to good people?'

'I don't know, I wish I did.' Dixie hugged Hannah and they both took comfort from the closeness that they had with each other at that moment in time.

Polly looked around at the students that were being escorted from the college by the armed police, they all looked frightened and some of them were crying. The more severely injured ones were being brought to the reception for immediate treatment. Polly had heard that a few of the students had been found dead, the news of it made her sad. She wished that something could have been done to prevent all of this from happening. It had been a few minutes since the last patient had been brought to them, he'd been shot in the stomach and Polly wasn't sure if he would make it or not. She had stabilised him the best that she could and then handed him over to the other crew so they could take him to the hospital. The armed police were talking on the radio, it looked as if the boy with the gun had disappeared. He obviously knew the college well, Polly wondered if he was a student . 'Polly,' Jeff said quietly and she looked up at him. 'Are you all right, do you want to leave? Dixie will swap with you if you want to have a break.'

'No, I'm here to help the people that need us.'

'You look sad.'

'I am, I don't know what drives someone to go on a killing spree.'

'I don't either.'

'I'm not sure that I want to know.' Polly felt Jeff's arm move around her shoulder, he gave it a gentle squeeze and she hugged him back. She really hoped that they would find the boy soon and that nobody else would be hurt or killed.

Jeff sensed Polly's distress, he felt it too, he had lost count of the people that he had treated. How many of them were still alive? Had any of them died after they had left his care? Jeff didn't have any answers to those questions. He briefly wondered where the boy with the gun had gone, it had been quiet for a very long time. Had one of the police been able to disarm him? Jeff also wondered what had motivated him to start killing people. There must be a reason for him wanting to hurt anyone that crossed his path. Why the college? What had the people here done to him? Jeff squeezed Polly's shoulder, he knew that she was finding it hard. He wondered if he should insist on Polly going outside and swapping with Dixie. Jeff wondered how Dixie, Hannah, and Cyd were coping outside, how many people had they had to treat? He knew that they would be worried, that they would be hoping that all of the paramedics and police came out of college unhurt. Jeff wasn't sure if it was worse being inside the college, or being outside and not knowing what was going on. He looked around the reception, all of the police had their guns at the ready, would they have to shoot the kid? Jeff sighed, the world could be a very messed up place at times. He squeezed Polly's shoulder as the police brought another injured teenager over to them, he really hoped that there wouldn't be too many more, seeing them hurt was beginning to get to him.

The majority of the students outside had been picked up by their parents, those that needed treatment had been put into an ambulance and taken to hospital. Dixie had heard from Tess, some of the students had been sent home and others had been kept in for further treatment. She wished that there had been some good news from the hospital, but one of the students had died on the way to the hospital. It had fallen to Sam to pronounce him dead, the mood in the hospital was very low. Dixie sighed, she saw Hannah and Cyd moving in her direction and she tried to put on a brave face for them both. 'How are things back at the hospital?' Cyd asked.

'Not good, a lot of the students are having to stay in and everyone is under pressure. Some of the students have died, they weren't able to save them. Tess and Charlie are just about holding it together, I don't think that I've ever heard Tess sound so defeated though. If ever we needed some good news then it is now.' Hannah and Cyd both nodded their agreement, everyone at the college had gone through the same experience. They had seen one of the police officers crying, it turned out that his son had been shot. Dixie had checked for him, his son was in a critical condition at Holby and would need an operation to fix his injuries. They all jumped as two more gunshots sounded in quick succession, someone screamed and then it all went quiet. Dixie, Hannah, and Cyd looked at each other, clearly the boy had found another victim. Another gunshot sounded, all of the shots had sounded very close by, had he returned to the reception?

Dixie turned around when the front door to the college opened, she saw Jeff come out of them and he was carrying someone in his arms. She looked over at Hannah and Cyd, both of them were looking in Jeff's direction, they had a stunned look on their face. Dixie was barely aware of the fact that she had started to walk towards Jeff, he had blood on the front of his uniform and was carrying a barely conscious Polly. 'Jeff, what happened?' Dixie's voice was low, she blinked her eyes in the hope that she would see something different. Jeff didn't answer, he just walked towards the barriers, he looked as if he was in shock. Hannah and Cyd brought a trolley over to where Jeff was stood, he didn't move, he was rooted to the spot. 'Jeff, it's okay mate, you can put Polly down. Come on sweetheart, let us treat her.' Dixie watched Jeff gently put Polly down on the trolley, he just walked away and sat down on one of the chairs. Jeff put his head in his hands, he looked as if he had aged several years in the short walk from the college to the barriers. Dixie went over to Hannah and Cyd, she hated having to leave them, but she knew that Jeff needed her. 'Hannah, Cyd, are you two all right here? I know that treating Polly is asking a lot of you both.'

'We'll do our best for her, she's our friend, we're not going to let her go,' Hannah said as she worked on putting a line into Polly's arm. 'Go to Jeff, he's going to need you.'

'Okay, thanks beautiful.' Dixie had heard the trembling in Hannah's voice, treating a friend was the hardest job that could be asked of any of the crew. She was so proud of Hannah and Cyd, Polly was safe in their care, they would try their best to save her life.

Hannah tried her best to keep her hands steady as she worked on Polly, it hadn't escaped her notice that Polly was in a bad way. She vowed that Polly wouldn't die, she would do her best to keep her alive. 'Hannah,' Polly whispered.

'Hey, how is my partner?'

'It hurts.'

'I know, the morphine will take care of that, I promise.'

'Jeff?'

'Dixie is with him.'

'Oh, is he hurt?' Polly's voice cracked on the last word.

'No, he isn't.'

'If I don't get through this, tell the twins that I love them, tell Jeff that it isn't his fault.'

'Polly, you are going to get through this, trust me, I'm not going to let you die.'

'Promise me that you'll tell them.'

'I promise.'

'Thank you.' Hannah tried her best to smile at Polly, tried to keep the tears back from her eyes, she didn't want to think about Polly dying from her injuries. Polly was far too young to die.

Jeff kept his head in his hands, the sounds from everything that was going on around him had been muted. He was sort of aware that Dixie had put her hand on his shoulder and was talking to him. He didn't respond, he just wanted to be left alone, he didn't deserve anyone being nice to him. Jeff tried to sort out what had happened, he was trying to remember, it was hard, it was as if all the memories were in a jumble. He slowly lifted his head and he looked around, he saw Hannah and Cyd helping Polly, he just watched them as they worked. Dixie was still talking, some of her words were starting to make sense. 'Jeff,' she said softly. 'What happened?' He just shook his head, he didn't want to remember, didn't want to talk about what happened. 'Come here mate, you're in shock.' Jeff just let Dixie hug him, his arms by his sides. He closed his eyes, he hoped that it would keep back the memories of what had happened inside the college. If he could just convince everyone that he was okay, that he was fine, then nobody would ask him any questions. Jeff stood up as Hannah and Cyd put Polly in the ambulance, he was trying to ignore the voice in his head that was telling him what happened to Polly was all his fault.


	5. Chapter Five

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, I am so very grateful for them all. I know the last chapter was so tough for you all to read :(  
**

**A/N2: This chapter contains some situations that may upset you, if you need to stop reading then please do. I do recommend a tissue or two. All of Polly's injuries have been researched and could happen to someone :( **

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**Chapter Five.**

Cyd stood outside of resus, she watched the team working on Polly, they were hurrying about and doing their best to help her. Zoe and Dylan were giving orders to the nurses that were helping them, Tess was on the phone to someone and asking for blood. She wanted to leave, wanted to stop watching, but something was making her stay. It was as if she stopped watching then something would go wrong, if she stopped watching then Polly might die. The looks that passed between the team working on Polly said it all, she was very badly injured. Cyd barely remembered what she had done when she had helped Hannah to treat Polly. The look on Jeff's face haunted her; guilt, sorrow, and pain filled his features, he looked as if he was going through a really bad time. How would they all make it through everything that was to come? Would their friendship survive what had happened today? What would happen if Polly died? Cyd knew the answer to that; Jeff would blame himself, so would Dixie as she had let Polly go in the college. She hoped that Polly would live, after everything that she had been through in her life, having it end this way would be too cruel. Cyd wondered if she could have done something more to help Polly. Hannah was finding it tough, she had said that she wanted to be alone. Cyd wasn't sure where Hannah had gone, she respected her need to be alone though. Everyone dealt with their emotions in their own way, being alone was how Hannah dealt with hers. Cyd looked at Zoe and Dylan, they were working together to try and stabilise Polly, they would do whatever it took to save her life. She was in good hands, Cyd hoped that they would be able to help Polly. It was likely that Polly would need an operation and a lot of recovery time before she was better. Polly would need support and help from everyone around her. Would she still want to be a paramedic after she had recovered from her injuries? Would she be too traumatised to rejoin the team, would she want to leave the crew? Cyd sighed, what would happen to Jeff, he had been with her when Polly had been hurt, how would he cope with the knowledge that he hadn't been able to protect her?

Hannah sat down heavily in one of the chairs in the relatives room at the hospital, Polly was currently being treated in resus by Zoe, Dylan, and Tess. There had been more people in there, each of them trying their hardest to save Polly's life, Hannah was having trouble remembering them all. A lot of thoughts were going through her mind, many of them were slipping away before she could give them form. There were many questions that Hannah needed answers to, why Polly, what had made someone want to shoot her? How had the boy managed to shoot her even when she had been covered by armed police? Hannah shivered as other questions entered her mind; would Polly make it out of theatre, would she survive the damage that the bullets had caused to her body? There were many things that Hannah was struggling to remember about the incident. She vaguely remembered treating Polly at the college and on the way to Holby, it was as if she had been on autopilot. Cyd had helped her treat Polly, Hannah had seen the tears in her eyes, she had no doubt that she'd had tears in her own eyes too. She had tried to stay strong for Polly's sake, Polly needed to believe that she would make it through and recover from her injuries. Hannah looked at the clock, Polly had been in resus for nearly half an hour, she wondered how the team were doing. Had they managed to stabilise Polly so that she could be taken to theatre? There were many uncertain hours and days, if not weeks and months, to come. Hannah silently promised that she wouldn't desert Polly, she would be there for her, she would help her whenever Polly needed it. Hannah's eyes filled with tears at the thought that Polly could die; she would lose a sister and a friend, the twins would lose the aunt that they loved so much. She rested her head against the back of the chair, the tears that had pooled in her eyes flowed down her cheeks. How would everyone cope if Polly lost her life? Hannah closed her eyes and she prayed that Polly would fight her injuries with everything that she had. She allowed herself a few moments to cry and then she wiped her eyes, she had to call Emilie and let her know what had happened. Hannah knew that Emilie would look after the twins and put them to bed if her and Dixie weren't back in time to do so.

Jeff stood in front of his locker, he slowly moved his hands down to his shirt, Polly's blood had soaked into it as he had held her in his arms. He undid the buttons and put the shirt to one side, he didn't want to see it ever again. Jeff took a few deep breaths, he couldn't remember what had happened in the college, why couldn't he remember? How had Polly got hurt, why hadn't he been able to protect her? He rested his head against the locker, he had promised to protect Polly and he had failed. He looked at his hands, they still had blood on them, Polly's blood. His hands started to shake, the sight of her blood on his hands was so wrong. Jeff felt the nausea rise within him and he just about made it to the toilet before he was violently sick. The tears streamed down his face as he brought back everything that he had eaten that day. Once he had finished being sick he pulled the chain, he slowly stood up and washed his mouth out. Jeff washed the blood off his hands, he splashed his face with water and he noticed that his skin had gone very pale. He wiped away the tears that marred his face and he looked at himself in the mirror. Jeff shivered, what if Polly died? If she lost her life then it would be his fault. He hated himself, he had promised to protect Polly and now she was fighting for her life. Why her? What had she done to deserve any of this? Jeff moved towards the lockers, he sat on the bench and rested his head in his hands, he had let everyone down.

Dixie tried to work through her feelings, she had gone to the ambulance station after she had seen Jeff go in there. She wanted to know what had happened in the college, she didn't want to push Jeff into talking though. It was likely that he was going through the worst time of his life, he would need help, would he accept it though? Hannah and Cyd had taken Polly into Holby, she had started to follow them and then she remembered Hannah telling her that Jeff would need her. She sighed quietly, what was she supposed to do for him? How was she supposed to help him? She put her hand on the handle of the door, would Jeff want her with him? Dixie took another deep breath and she pushed open the door to the changing rooms, she was determined to be there for him. Jeff was sat on the bench and he had his head in his hands. Sadness moved through Dixie and she went over to Jeff and then sat next to him. 'Jeff,' she said softly to avoid startling him. He didn't answer, Dixie put her hand on Jeff's shoulder to let him know that she was there for him. 'Do you want to talk about what happened?' Jeff shook his head. 'Okay mate.' Dixie knew not to push Jeff, he would talk in his own time, she put her arm around his shoulder and squeezed it gently. She knew that Jeff was feeling guilty over what had happened to Polly. Jeff would only open up about what happened in his own time, Dixie promised that she would be there for him when the time came. She saw that Jeff had been crying and looked very pale, she chose not to mention it. Dixie squeezed Jeff's shoulder again, she hoped that it was helping in some small way.

The atmosphere in the ED was extremely subdued, everyone that had helped to treat Polly had retreated into themselves. They were going about their jobs in a quieter fashion than normal, nobody smiled. They had just about managed to stabilise Polly so that she was able to go upstairs to theatre. Zoe sat on the sofa in the staffroom, she kicked off her shoes and stared into space. Tess and Dylan were sat at the table, they both wore preoccupied expressions on their faces. 'She's too young,' Tess said. 'I don't understand why it had to be her.' Zoe nodded her agreement and Dylan just kept on staring into space. She wasn't sure what to say, seeing Polly so seriously hurt had shocked her, Tess and Dylan shared her feelings. They had all finished their shift some time ago and yet none of them wanted to move, none of them wanted to leave until they knew how Polly was doing. It was little comfort to them that the boy who had shot all those people had been shot himself. Zoe wondered how he had become so full of hate that he had killed people. She sighed quietly, they had been unable to save him, he wouldn't have to face up to the consequences of his actions. Zoe hoped that he would be the last death of what had been a terrible day. They had all lost count of the people that had died or suffered terrible injuries throughout their shift.

Hannah sat in the relatives room, it had started to go dark, she just sat quietly until Dixie came into the room. She looked up and saw the weary look on her face. 'Hey beautiful, I'm sorry that I had to leave you alone for so long.'

'It's all right.'

'Do we have any news?'

'No, Polly is still in theatre, they won't tell us anything until her operation has finished. How's Jeff?'

'Honestly, he's not doing so good. I can't get a word out of him, he hasn't spoken since it happened. I went to him at the station and he had been crying.'

'I'm not surprised, whatever happened inside the college must have been horrible for him.'

'I know, he's feeling guilty. I don't know what we'll do if Polly dies.' Dixie's voice faltered and Hannah noticed the tears that were pouring down her face. 'Come here Dixie.' Hannah hugged Dixie and she stroked her hair.

'I sent her in there, I knew the risks involved and still I sent her in. I should have refused, I should have sent someone else, I should have gone in myself.' Hannah just held Dixie close and whispered comforting words to her as she cried. 'It wasn't your fault Dixie, hush my love. I don't blame you and neither will Polly.'

'What if she doesn't make it?'

'She will make it, she's strong, she won't give up so easily.' Hannah kissed Dixie's head and she held her close, it hurt Hannah to see Dixie so upset over what had happened to Polly. She closed her eyes as tears began to spill from them, she prayed that the day wouldn't get any worse.

Cyd sat with Jeff, Dixie had asked her to stay with him in the waiting room where Polly was having her operation. Jeff still had his haunted look, he hadn't said a word, he just sat there. Cyd wished that she could help him in some way. She had tried talking to him, he hadn't responded, she wished that the whole day had turned out differently. The ticking of the clock was making Cyd feel very anxious, it marked every second that went by. Cyd took a deep breath, how long would they have to wait before they found out whether Polly had made it through her operation or not? She looked at the clock again, it was turning out to be a very long day. Cyd saw Hannah and Dixie outside the door, they had both been crying, she could see it. The stress on Dixie's face was clear for anyone to see. They had both changed out of their uniforms as they were now off shift. Cyd tried to smile when Hannah and Dixie came into the room. 'Is there any news?' Dixie's voice was a lot quieter than normal.

'No, none at all. Nobody has been in here since you left.'

'What is taking them so long?' Dixie paced the room a few times and then sat down next to Hannah, the stress of waiting was getting to everyone in the room. Hannah kept looking at the clock, Dixie was looking around the room, and Jeff just stared at the floor. Cyd sighed quietly, waiting for news of Polly's condition was the worst part. She didn't know what would happen if the news was bad, how would they all cope?

Lawrence stripped off his gloves, scrubs and mask, he had just been through the worst operation in his career. He hadn't expected that he would have to operate on someone that he had come to know well. Lawrence took a deep breath, now came the worst part of his job, he tentatively pushed down the handle to the relatives room and went inside. 'Dad,' Hannah said.

'Hannah, Dixie, Cyd, Jeff. I am so sorry that this has happened.'

'I know you are. How is Polly?' Dixie asked quietly.

'Polly was brought to us with two gunshot wounds. Both entry wounds were in her back, one penetrated near to her T1 vertebrae and it has damaged the bone. I was unable to determine whether or not it has damaged the spinal cord. It is possible that Polly might be paralysed from the waist down when she wakes up.' The look of shock on the faces of everyone in the room made Lawrence stop for a few seconds. 'The second bullet went in near to her shoulder blade, it fractured a rib and then tore through the aorta. It was this wound that caused Polly to go into cardiac arrest twice on the table. We managed to get her back, however, the trauma from her injuries has caused Polly to go into a coma. We do not know when she will wake up.' Lawrence saw the tears that poured down Hannah's face, he went over to her and wrapped his arms around her. 'I'm so sorry sweetheart, I did my best for her.'

'I know that you did your best, of course you did.' Hannah's words were masked by her tears. Lawrence looked at Dixie and Cyd, they were both extremely upset, the news that Polly was in a coma had upset them all greatly.

Jeff stood up, the news that Polly was in a coma wasn't what he wanted to hear, he had wanted to hear that she was all right. He had to get out, it felt as if the room was closing in on him. Jeff quickly opened the door and he ran down the corridor, he vaguely heard voices calling to him, but he kept on running. He quickly left the hospital, ignoring the voices of his colleagues, they all wanted to know how Polly was. Jeff grabbed the keys to the car, he needed to get away from everything. He drove home without realising where he was going. His phone rang and he ignored it, he didn't want to talk to anyone. Once Jeff reached the house he ignored Little Abs and went upstairs. He stumbled into Polly's room, shut the door behind him and he curled up in the foetal position on her bed. The tears that he had been keeping inside himself since he had found out that Polly was in a coma all came spilling out. He cried into her pillow and begged anyone that would listen to him to let her wake up, he begged Polly for her forgiveness. Jeff briefly wondered if Emilie had taken the twins home, he wondered what she would think of him now, would she hate him? Would she want to marry him now that he had allowed Polly to be hurt? Jeff cried harder, he just wanted the pain to stop, he wanted it all to go away. He wanted for all of this to be a dream, a lie, anything but the reality of Polly being in a coma.

Dixie and Hannah went into their house, they had arrived home not long ago. Emilie was sat in the lounge. 'Hey, I am so sorry about Polly. I can't believe that this has happened.'

'Neither can we,' Dixie said. 'Jeff is taking it really badly, he is going to need you Emilie.'

'I will be there for him.'

'Of course you will.'

'I will, I love him. The twins are in bed, if you need me to look after them at any time then let me know. Have you seen Polly?'

'No, she can't have visitors until tomorrow.'

'That's understandable. I'm going to go home and see to Jeff, I will look after him, I promise.' Dixie put her hand on Emilie's shoulder and tried to smile, Jeff had found a good woman in her. Emilie said goodnight and then left Hannah and Dixie alone. 'Hannah, I need to see the babies.'

'I know, I do too.' They quietly climbed the stairs and opened the door to the nursery, the twins were fast asleep.

'They are so innocent,' Dixie whispered. 'What do we tell them about Polly?'

'I don't know, nothing for now.' Dixie nodded and Hannah hugged her. 'Come on Dixie, come to bed, we both need to get some sleep.'

'I don't know if I can, not after today.'

'I know.' Dixie let Hannah guide her out of the nursery, the emotions of the day were catching up with her, how had it all ended so badly? She slowly got into her pyjamas, Hannah was doing the same and they both got into the bed. 'My beautiful Hannah, hold me, I need you to.'

'Okay.' Dixie rested her head on Hannah's shoulder as the tears ran from her eyes. 'My Dixie,' Hannah said quietly, the tears evident in her voice. Hannah and Dixie held each other close as they cried together, they needed each other now more than ever.

Cyd sat up in her bed, sleep was proving to be hard to find, her mind was going over everything that had happened during the day. Polly was in a coma, nobody knew if she would wake up or not. She had known that Polly was badly injured, but had held onto the hope that luck might be on her side. Finding out that Polly might be paralysed had come as a shock to them all. Dixie had gone so pale, Cyd knew that she was feeling guilty for letting her go in the college. Jeff had ran out, she hoped that Emilie was with him and looking after him. It was obvious that he blamed himself for Polly's injuries. How could it be that a young woman such as Polly might end up paralysed? She might never walk again. Cyd tried to hold onto the hope that Polly would come out of the coma and that she wouldn't be paralysed. What would happen if she was didn't wake up or was paralysed? Jeff would blame himself for it, Dixie would blame herself too. Cyd sighed, everything had changed for the worst, it was bad enough that Polly had been shot in the first place. The team in the ED had all been shocked when she told them about Polly. Some of them had cried, they had all hugged each other and tried to comfort each other as best they could. Cyd turned over and pulled the quilt over her head, her emotions had started to get the better of her. She had managed to hold it together for most of the day, now she needed some time to cry and be alone with her grief.

Emilie cautiously went into Polly's room, she had checked the room that she shared with Jeff, he hadn't been there. It was the closed door that had given it away where he was. Jeff was lying on the bed, he was just lying there and staring into space. 'Jeff,' Emilie said softly, he didn't answer. His eyes were red from where he had been crying. 'Jeff,' Emilie said again and she put her hand on his arm. She sighed when he moved away from her touch. 'I know what happened today, I know that you're blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, you didn't make the boy shoot Polly.' Emilie saw Jeff visibly flinch when she said Polly's name. 'Come on, come to bed, you need to sleep.' She slowly coaxed Jeff into standing up and he went into their room. Emilie watched Jeff as he took his clothes off and got into the bed. She put her pyjamas on and the crawled under the quilt, she put her hand on Jeff's arm and again he flinched away from her. Emilie tried not to take it personally, Jeff was going through so much, she knew that he would open up to her when he was ready.

Jeff turned over when he was sure that Emilie was sleeping, he wanted to beg her to hold him, to take away all of the pain that he was feeling. He wanted her to put her arms around him and make him feel better. 'I don't deserve it,' he whispered. Bitter tears ran down his face, he had let Polly down, she had got hurt and it was all his fault. 'Why can't I remember?' Jeff slowly curled his hands into fists, he didn't know what had happened in the college, he didn't know how Polly had got hurt. Jeff looked at Emilie, if he couldn't protect Polly then how could he protect Emilie? He had promised to protect Polly and she had ended up in a coma. Jeff's thoughts were running through his head, he knew that he should leave Emilie, if he wasn't near her then she would be safe. The thought of not being with Emilie scared Jeff, he wanted her safe, but he wanted to be with her too. More tears ran down his face, would Emilie be better off without him? He loved her, the very thought of not being with her made his heart hurt. Jeff curled up into a ball, he just wanted all of the guilt and the pain to stop. 'I deserve to feel this way, it is my fault that Polly got hurt. I deserve to feel guilty, I deserve it all.' Jeff curled himself up tighter as more tears moved their way down his cheeks, he was alone and he was miserable. He reminded himself that he deserved to feel it all, the tears carried on pouring down Jeff's face until he eventually cried himself to sleep.


	6. Chapter Six

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews and support so far, I am very grateful to you for sticking with this story. This is the longest chapter that I have ever written, I believe it is justified though. Sad times are coming I fear... :(  
**

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**Chapter Six.**

The morning came around all too quickly for everyone that had been involved in treating the patients from the college shootings. The mood in the hospital and the ambulance station was still subdued, all of the staff were still feeling the effects of the events that had gone on yesterday. Some of the students and staff from the college were still critically injured and were being treated in different parts of the hospital. There had been news crews hanging around the hospital, they had arrived early in the morning and stayed there until the hospital security staff and the police had got rid of them. They had been asking about Polly and the people from the college, trying to get information out of anyone that went into the hospital. The general consensus from all of the staff was that they wouldn't tell the press anything, the last thing the patients needed was to be the latest bit of news for the area. All of the staff had felt much better when the crews had left and they could go about their jobs without having cameras aimed at them.

Dixie put two paracetamol into her mouth and then she swallowed them down with some water from the bottle on her desk, the headache that she'd had since she'd got up wasn't getting any better. She had submitted her reports about what had happened to Polly and then she had updated the trust on her current condition, there wasn't much that she could tell them right now. Dixie sighed, she had to talk to the team soon, it was going to be one of the hardest things that she had ever had to do. The agency were working on finding a replacement paramedic for Polly, she wondered who they would send to her. Dixie knew that Polly would be out of action for some time when she woke up from the coma, she needed someone that could do the job properly until Polly returned. The thought that Polly might be paralysed dropped into Dixie's head, what would happen then? How would Polly cope with not being able to do the job that she loved? Who would look after Polly and take care of her needs? Dixie tried to put the thought that Polly might be paralysed out of her head, she had to hope that Polly would be okay, that the bullet hadn't damaged her spinal cord.

Hope was very hard to hold on to at the moment, Polly was in a coma and nobody knew when she might wake up. What if she didn't wake up, what would happen then? Dixie rested her head in her hands, she had briefly thought that it had all been a dream when she first woke up this morning. The harsh reality of everything that had happened soon drifted back in, it was all real, it had all happened. Dixie's thoughts turned to Jeff, he was suffering, she saw it in his eyes whenever she looked at him. His eyes were red and his skin was very pale, he looked as if he had barely had any sleep at all. Seeing Jeff suffering so much made Dixie sad, she was at a loss of how to help him. Every time she brought up the subject of Polly or the college, Jeff clammed up or walked away from her. She hoped that he would open up to her soon, that he would talk about what had happened. Dixie wondered if she should try and encourage Jeff to go and see a counsellor, would he agree to it though? She sighed, it was likely that Jeff wouldn't agree to talk to a stranger about his feelings and experiences inside the college. Dixie sighed quietly, it wasn't just Jeff that she had to think about, she had to talk to her team, it had to be done. She got up from her desk and left her office, she had to talk to the team before she lost her nerve. It was going to be hard, but she had to be there for them, she was their duty manager and she had to take care of them all.

The whole team were sat in the rec room, Dixie went into the room and then shut the door behind her, she took a deep breath and she started talking. 'I have talked to the trust about the incident that happened at Holby Community College yesterday, Anyone that was involved with the treating of patients from the college has the opportunity to talk a counsellor if they should wish to. I am encouraging you all to take advantage of the offer if you need to talk to someone. If you wish to talk to me then my office door is always open. I am proud of you all for the care you showed to those in need during such difficult circumstances.' Dixie took a deep breath, she had to talk to the team about Polly and what had happened to her. 'As you all know, Polly was injured yesterday, she is currently in the ICU here at Holby and being looked after. We do not know when she will wake up from her coma, you are welcome to visit her as often as visiting times allow. I think it will help her to recover quicker if she knows that we're thinking of her.' Dixie took another deep breath, she was trying to keep her voice steady. 'Thank you all for everything that you do. I will let you know immediately if the ICU inform me of any changes in Polly's condition.' Silence fell over the room, Dixie wondered if she should say more to her team. 'If you do need to talk then don't hesitate to come and find me.' One by one the team slowly stood up and left the room, she hoped that they would think over her words and talk to her if they needed help. Dixie sat down heavily in one of the chairs, she was finding it hard to be at work right now. Had she said too much, or not enough, to her staff? Dixie was finding it hard to keep all of her emotions under control, it felt as if they were getting on top of her. She just wanted to go home and hide under the quilt until the day went away.

Hannah closed the door to the rec room when everyone had left, she went over to Dixie and sat next to her. 'I know that was hard for you Dixie, I'm proud of you.'

'It was, I don't know if I said enough to them, if I should be the one talking to them. I let Polly go into the college, I should have gone in, then she would be here instead of lying in a hospital bed.'

'It wasn't your fault, you're not to blame.'

'Am I not?'

'No, I know that you think you are. I understand that you're feeling guilty.'

'Do you? I don't think that you do, do you have to live with the decision that I made? Do you have to wake up every morning knowing that a young woman might never walk again because of the decision that you made?'

'I don't, but I do understand, I see your guilt in your eyes Dixie.'

'You don't understand Hannah, how can you? You're not going through it, you're just saying that you understand and that it wasn't my fault to try and make me feel better.'

'Dixie...'

'No, nothing you can say can make me feel better. All you're coming out with is bloody useless statements that don't mean anything.' Hannah just let Dixie shout, she needed to get it all out of her system. 'I see how everyone looks at me, I see how you look at me, I don't want your bloody sympathy. If that is all you have to offer me then the lot of you may as well just sod off and leave me alone. I know you hate me, I know you blame me, why don't you just say it?'

'I'm not going to say it, it's not true, I don't hate you.'

'If you won't tell me the truth then you can bloody well sod off as well, I don't want you here.' Hannah saw Dixie put her hands up to her mouth in shock at what she had just said, tears were streaming down Dixie's face. Hannah stood up and put her arms around Dixie, she held her close and stroked her hair as she cried. 'It's okay, it's okay, cry as much as you need to Dixie.'

'I'm sorry Hannah, I didn't mean to say that to you.'

'It's all right, I know how tough all of this is on you.'

'I shouldn't have said it, you're only trying to help me.'

'Consider it forgotten, we all say things that we don't mean from time to time.' Hannah held Dixie in her arms until she stopped crying, she hadn't taken anything that Dixie had said to heart. 'I am lucky to have you Hannah, how are we going to get through this?'

'One day at a time and together, just like we always do.'

'I love you Hannah, please don't think that I don't.'

'I don't think that, I love you too Dixie.' Hannah kissed Dixie on the head and she hugged her again, she wanted Dixie to know that she was there for her.

Time was going slowly for Emilie, Jeff was on her mind, he had barely spoken to her before he had left for work. She understood that he was going through a lot and needed time to come to terms with it. Jeff had left for work by the time that Hannah and Dixie had arrived to drop off Thomas and Elizabeth. Emilie knew that Jeff was avoiding people out of guilt, she wondered how long he could possibly keep it up for. Trying to hug Jeff only resulted in him pulling away, he had retreated so far inside of himself that Emilie wondered if she would ever get him back. Would this be the end of their relationship? Emilie shook her head, she wasn't about to let go of Jeff without a fight. It would only be a matter of time until Jeff opened up about his experiences inside the college, Emilie promised that she would be there whenever he needed to talk to her. She hoped that Dixie would be able to convince Jeff to talk to a counsellor, she had an idea that it was a faint hope though. If he wouldn't talk to his friends then talking to a stranger seemed to be totally impossible.

Emilie had seen how sad Dixie and Hannah were when they dropped the twins off, they too were struggling to deal with what had happened at the college. She hated seeing everyone so sad and hurting. Emilie promised herself that she would go and see Polly as soon as she could, having people around her would aid her recovery. She had started to make a list of some of Polly's favourite things to take to the hospital to cheer up her surroundings. Emilie added Polly's Ipod to the list, having her favourite music played to her might bring her around quicker. There was a part of Emilie that wondered if Jeff would want to go and see Polly, he hadn't made any mention of even thinking about seeing her. Maybe it was too much of a step for him at this moment in time. Emilie knew that Jeff was feeling vulnerable, she also knew that he hated it. Jeff liked to protect the people that he cared for, he would see it as he had failed to protect Polly. Who knew what that would do to him, who knew where those thoughts would lead. Emilie vowed that she would keep a close eye on Jeff and be there whenever he decided to talk about his experiences.

Lawrence looked out over the hospital grounds, he often stood in the quiet corner of the theatre floor when he needed time to think. Polly had been on his mind since he operated on her yesterday. It had been a shock when they brought her in, to see someone that he knew in such a bad way had saddened him. Lawrence sighed, he wished that he had been able to do more for Polly, that he could have stopped her ending up in a coma. Had his best been good enough? What if Polly didn't wake up? What if he could have done something more during the operation? He had gone to the ICU to check up on Polly, he sat with her and talked with her for some time. Lawrence was grateful to Polly, she had been a good friend to Hannah when she joined the crew. He remembered Hannah telling him all about Polly accepting her sexuality without a second thought, it had meant everything to Hannah. Lawrence had heard how happy Hannah was, how relieved she was that Polly didn't think differently of her when she had found out. It grieved Lawrence to think that the young woman that had brought so much to Hannah's life had been so badly injured. He had done his best to keep it together when he had told everyone the news, they were all upset enough. Lawrence had privately given in to his own feelings of grief when he was alone. He wanted to be strong for Hannah and Dixie, they were going through a lot and he wanted to support them as much as possible. He had heard from Hannah that Jeff had been with Polly when it happened, it was obvious, he looked haunted by what had happened. Lawrence felt for Jeff, he loved Polly and treated her as if she was his daughter, not being able to protect her in the college must be getting to him. He wondered if Jeff would listen to someone that had gone to counselling, he wondered if it would help him to accept the help of someone that would listen to him. Having someone to talk to about his experiences might help Jeff through these dark days.

Jeff sat in the garden at the back of the hospital, he needed some time alone, he needed to try and figure out what had happened inside the college. There were moments when he closed his eyes that he would start to hear the sound of the fire alarm in the back of his mind. Whenever he tried to remember anything else it was as if there was blank space in his mind, something was stopping him from remembering. It frustrated him that he couldn't remember what had happened, he needed to remember, he needed to know how Polly had got shot. What was so bad about it that his mind was stopping him from remembering? Jeff heard Dixie's voice calling out to him and he turned around. 'Can I sit down?' Jeff just shrugged his shoulders and looked around the garden. 'Jeff, I'm worried about you, you're not yourself.'

'I'm fine.'

'Really, that's why you look as if you haven't had any sleep, why your eyes are red and you have an almost constantly guilty expression.'

'I said I'm fine.'

'Jeff, please mate, I can see that you're not coping, that something is eating away at you. If you won't talk to me then you should try and talk to the counsellor, he can help you.'

'Dixie, just drop it, I can't do this right now.'

'Okay,' Dixie said and sighed. Jeff heard the reluctance in Dixie's voice, he sensed that she wanted to help. He didn't want Dixie to help him, in his mind he didn't deserve her help. 'I'm going to see Polly after work, Hannah is coming with me. Do you want to come with us? I know that Polly would want to see you.'

'I can't, I have to get home, Little Abs needs walking.'

'I'm sure that Emilie will do that.'

'No, she can't, I have to do it.'

'If you change your mind then just let me know.' Jeff was relieved that Dixie had dropped the subject, he couldn't go and see Polly, he couldn't see the woman that he had let down. He couldn't see the woman that he had failed to protect when she needed it the most.

Cyd ran her hands through her hair, the day had been very tough, she had been on a few shouts. Whenever she had gone into the ED to drop off a patient she had noticed how the mood was very subdued. Very few people smiled, a lot of them had asked after Polly. Cyd noticed how well loved Polly was in the department, nobody had a bad word to say about her. She wished that she had some better news for them. Polly's condition hadn't changed in the last day, she was still the same. It was some comfort for Cyd that Polly hadn't got any worse. Cyd remembered how Polly had welcomed her back without mentioning what had gone on in the past. Polly had such a sweet nature, she was a genuinely nice person. Cyd wished that Polly hadn't been hurt, that she had come out of the college without being harmed. She had been to see Polly in the ICU when she had a break, she had talked to Polly and sat with her until the break was over. Cyd sighed, she had found it tough to see Polly in such a vulnerable position.

Dixie and Hannah got changed after their shift and they made their way up to the ICU to see Polly before they went home. 'Doing this reminds me of when my father was in hospital,' Hannah said quietly.

'I know, it is hard not to think of that time.'

'I am hoping that everything turns out all right.'

'I am too, beautiful.' Dixie and Hannah followed the nurse to Polly's bed, the ward was quiet except for the noise from the machines at the various beds. Hannah squeezed Dixie's hand as they sat down next to Polly's bed. 'She looks as if she is sleeping, I thought that being in a coma would make Polly look different somehow.'

'She's still Polly, Dixie.'

'I know. She looks as if she will wake up at any moment.'

'Polly will wake up when she is ready, when her body is ready for her to wake up.'

'I hope you're right.'

'Our Polly is strong, if anyone can beat this then it is her.' Dixie reached over and she took Polly's hand in her own.

'Hey Pol, I don't know if you can hear me or not. I'm here with Hannah, we're going to come and see you as often as we can. I wish you could talk back to me, I don't like seeing you like this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you go into the college.' Dixie felt Hannah's arm move around her shoulders. 'I know that you would say that it isn't my fault, that you volunteered for it. Why did this have to happen to you? You should be at home and playing your guitar, this wasn't supposed to happen, you weren't supposed to get hurt.' Dixie wiped away the tears that had begun to fall from her eyes, seeing Polly in such a vulnerable state had made her sad. She didn't know what else to say so she stroked Polly's hand with her thumb to let her know that she was there with her.

Hannah slowly stroked Dixie's hair as they sat by Polly's bed, she understood how sad Dixie was feeling. 'Hi Polly, we will come and see you whenever we can, the rest of our friends are going to do the same. I know that you are strong and that you can come out of this. I believe in you, I always have and I always will. I want you to know that you are loved, everyone in the hospital keeps asking about you. You have to come back, we have two little babies that need their auntie. I know that you will do your best, that you will fight with everything that you have to come back to us all.' Hannah put her hand on top of Dixie's where it lay on top of Polly's. 'I need my partner back, I just don't want to work with anyone else. I am not going to give up on you, we're all behind you, we love you and you will come back to us.' Hannah fought to keep her voice steady, she was trying to be strong for Dixie's sake. She rested her head against Dixie's and they sat together in silence, revisiting memories of the times they had spent with Polly. Hannah hoped that Polly knew they were with her, that someone cared about her. If she knew that she had people that loved her then it would inspire her to fight to come back to them all.

Emilie watched Jeff throughout the the evening, he had come back after walking Little Abs and just sat on the sofa watching the television. When she had called him in for something to eat he had barely eaten anything, he'd spent most of the time pushing it around the plate. Emilie sighed as she did the washing up and put it on the drainer to dry. She knew that Jeff needed help, she knew that he needed to talk to someone, the only person that couldn't see it was Jeff himself. Emilie quietly went into the lounge and she sat on the chair as Jeff was lying on the sofa. 'Jeff, are you all right? Dixie mentioned that you had been quiet all day.'

'I'm fine.'

'You see, I'm not so sure that you are fine. It's okay to feel sad and scared, what happened yesterday was tough on everyone. I know that Dixie and Hannah are sad.'

'I said I'm fine.'

'Jeff, talk to me.'

'I don't want to talk, what part of that are you not getting? I want to be left alone without people nagging at me to talk about my feelings.'

'I just thought that it might help, you're not yourself.'

'Talking doesn't help, what will it do, will it change anything?'

'I'm not saying that it will change anything, I just think that you should know that you're not alone.'

'Were you there, did you see what happened inside the college?'

'No, I wasn't.'

'Then how can talking to you do anything?'

'I just thought that having someone to listen to you might help you.'

'You thought wrong.'

'Okay, you know where I am if you want to talk.'

'I don't, just leave me alone.' Emilie sighed, Jeff's rejection of her help had hit her quite hard, she didn't understand why he was pushing her away.

'I'm going to bed.'

'Right.'

'Are you coming?'

'No.' Emilie quietly left the lounge and went upstairs to bed, she feared that she was losing the man that she loved to the grief that was eating him up from the inside.

Jeff lost track of time as he was sat in front of the television, it was only when the news came on that he turned it off and went upstairs to bed. He went into the room that he shared with Emilie, she was already fast asleep on her side of the bed. Jeff quietly stripped off his clothing and got into the other side. Emilie's lamp was on and Jeff reached over to turn it off, he noticed that the expression on her face was a mixture of worry and sadness. He also noticed that tears had ran down her face and had wet the pillow, she had obviously cried herself to sleep. Jeff sighed to himself, his rejection of her help had obviously upset Emilie and made her cry. Guilt ran through Jeff, what sort of man was he becoming? He looked at Emilie's left hand, the engagement ring that he had bought for her was still sat on her ring finger. Jeff lay back on his own pillow, he stared at Emilie's back as she slept. He was worried, would their relationship survive everything that was happening? Jeff watched Emilie sleep until he started to struggle to keep his eyes open, he hoped that she would still be by his side in the morning.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews and support that you have given to me. I know that this is a very hard story to read, I appreciate it that you have stuck with me for so long.  
**

**A/N2: The words in italics are in Jeff's point of view.**

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**Chapter Seven.**

A week had passed since Polly had been injured at the college and ended up in hospital, she had shown no sign of waking up from her coma as of yet. Cyd, Dixie and Hannah, Emilie, and Lawrence had all been frequent visitors to Polly's bedside. They had brought her some of her favourite items from her room, they played her favourite songs to her in the hope that she would hear them. They all kept Polly up to date with everything that was happening at work and at home, they passed on the messages from members of the ED. Hannah read to Polly and she sang to her, she told her all about how the twins were doing too. Dixie had brought a picture of the twins in and put it by Polly's bed for her. She made sure to let Polly know that the twins loved her and that they missed their auntie. Jeff had yet to visit Polly, every time it was suggested to him he refused to even think about the idea. His behaviour had changed a lot in the past few days, he had begun to lose his temper with the people around him, it only took the smallest thing to set him off. A lot of the crew had started to stay out of his way, mainly out of fear that they would get their head bitten off if they said the wrong thing to him. Whenever Jeff was asked if he was all right, he would snap at whoever it was that had asked him. Dixie and Hannah wondered if they could help Jeff, whenever they tried to help him he would push them away. It was the same with anyone that tried to help him, he kept them all as far away from him as he possibly could. Dixie knew that it was having a bad effect on Jeff's relationship with Emilie, the poor woman looked upset nearly all of the time. It was obvious that Emilie was only just about keeping it together, Hannah wondered how long Emilie could possibly keep going with Jeff as he was.

Emilie sat in the lounge with Little Abs and the twins, she had just walked Little Abs and she had a few hours to herself before Jeff came home from work. She went over the argument that she'd had with Jeff before he'd left for work that morning. It was obvious to anyone that was looking that Jeff was struggling to cope with his feelings over what had happened to Polly. Emilie knew that Jeff struggled to get to sleep and that he often woke up during the night, she wondered if he was having nightmares about what had happened in the college. The stress of dealing with what had happened to Polly was beginning to take its toll on Jeff, Emilie saw it every day. She had tried talking to Jeff to convince him to see a counsellor, but he had just gone quiet and refused to say anything about it. Lawrence had tried to talk to Jeff too, he had got the same refusal to talk about seeing someone. Emilie sighed to herself, Jeff was getting worse, he was jumpy and irritable nearly all of the time. There were times when he would stare into space or just stop answering her in the middle of a conversation. It had been noticed that Jeff avoided anything to do with the college, he'd refused flat out to go to the memorial that had been scheduled in the coming week. Refusing to see Polly was another sign that Jeff wasn't coping, he wouldn't visit her no matter how many times he was asked if he wanted to see her. Emilie was very worried about Jeff, she was afraid that if he didn't deal with his feelings then they might just get the better of him. She had tried getting through to him and right now she was beginning to run out of ideas to help him. Dixie had mentioned the possibility that Jeff was suffering with post traumatic stress disorder. She had talked to the hospital counsellor about seeing Jeff, he'd said that he couldn't do anything unless Jeff agreed to see him. Emilie hoped that Jeff would agree to talk to someone soon, she couldn't force him, but he needed help. Jeff needed someone to talk over what he'd been through with. Emilie knew that some of the crew had gone for counselling, she wished that Jeff would do the same.

Jeff removed his uniform after the shift had ended, he put it in his bag and then closed his locker. It had been a long day, everything had felt a lot harder as he had struggled to get to sleep last night. The argument with Emilie this morning hadn't helped his mood, he didn't want to argue with her, it made him sad. Jeff was worried that if they kept arguing then their relationship might end, he didn't want to lose Emilie, he loved her. He briefly glanced at Polly's locker, Dixie had the key to it and she hadn't removed any of Polly's things from it. A quick look at his watch told Jeff that Dixie and Hannah would be sat with Polly as visiting hours had started ten minutes ago. They always invited him, he couldn't bring himself to go and see her, it would just remind him of how he had let her down. Jeff sighed, he had let a lot of people down lately. He remembered again how he had shouted at Emilie this morning when she had tried to convince him to go to the memorial at the college. It was a place that was full of bad memories, he didn't want to go to the place that Polly had been shot in, the place where he had failed her. There were times when small flashes of memory would creep into Jeff's mind; the sound of the fire alarm and screaming, random gunshots that came from nowhere. It frustrated him, he was still unable to recall the memory of what had happened to Polly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to remember, if he remembered what happened would it be worse than not knowing?

When Hannah and Dixie got to Polly's bedside, they found a doctor making notes on the clipboard that was attached to her bed. 'How is she?' Dixie asked.

'Polly is making progress, today she started responding to painful stimuli by moving her hand and making quiet noises, her GCS has gone up from three to five. The fact that Polly is able to breathe on her own with limited help is also a good sign. We are still monitoring her blood pressure and other vital signs for her, but I am hopeful that we will see her fully awake in the coming weeks.'

'Thank you for letting us know. Do you know when she will be fully awake?'

'Recovering from a coma is a long process, it may be next week or next month that Polly comes around fully. The development that Polly has shown is good, we cannot rush these things. I know that you're worried about Polly, I would like to reassure you that she is in good hands.'

'Okay, thank you,' Hannah said. The doctor replaced the clipboard and he left Hannah and Dixie alone with Polly. They sat down next to her bed and Dixie took hold of Polly's hand. 'Hey Pol, the doctor tells us that you're doing really well. I am proud of you sweetheart. Everyone sends their love to you. The twins are still missing their auntie, I know that they will be proud of you when they find out how well you're doing,' Dixie said with a smile.

'I am so proud of you Polly, it looks like we're going to have you back on the crew before we know it. The team can't wait to have you back, they all say how much they miss you. I can't wait to have you back as my partner and for us to begin our guitar sessions again.' Hannah listened to Dixie filling Polly in on things that were happening at work. They had agreed that they wouldn't mention anything to Polly about Jeff and what he was going through. If Polly could hear them then they didn't want her to worry, she needed to focus on getting better. They were trying their best to be upbeat and positive, they would do anything that it took to help Polly get better.

Jeff was fighting with himself, he wanted to go and see Polly, he was afraid though, he didn't want to see her in such a vulnerable state. There was another part of him that wanted to see her, he had promised to be there for her, he should be there with her and holding her hand. Jeff sighed to himself as he looked in the mirror, he looked like a man that hadn't had enough sleep. The night was the hardest, he found it hard to get to sleep, and when he did sleep he was plagued by dreams of being back in the college. He still couldn't remember what had happened, his dreams always ended before he could see it, with a gunshot and a scream. He always woke up covered in sweat with tears rolling down his face. Jeff splashed his face with water, he hoped that it would help him feel more alert. What he really needed was rest, his body had started to ache as he wasn't sleeping properly. The quiet of the ambulance station was shattered by the fire alarm being tested, it made Jeff jump, his whole body started to shake, it was as if he was back in the college again. Images of the events from the day of the shootings started to flash before his eyes.

_The fire alarms sounded frequently as more people were brought out of the college in various stages of injury and distress. I look over my shoulder to see Polly working on someone, they are very badly injured, my patient has two bullet holes in his chest. I do not know how many of these kids will survive the day. They're just children, my thoughts turn to Sophia and John, how would I cope if it was them that was here or in Holby being treated for gunshot wounds. How would I cope if I got a call telling me that my children had been shot by someone? I shudder, there are so many parents out there that must be going through so much suffering right now. I am going to call Sophia and John when I get out of here, I want to speak to them so that I know that they're all right._

_ I've lost count of how many people I've treated, the steady stream of patients has started to come to an end. Every so often the police bring out someone else, they're mostly walking wounded or ones that have hidden from the boy with the gun. I don't blame them, I probably would have done the same if I was in their position. The police still haven't found him, I think he might be a student at the college as he seems to know how to avoid them. What has he achieved by hurting so many people? Was it his intention to become a murderer? Why has he chosen this as his only option? There are just too many questions to this whole situation. He will probably spend the rest of his life in prison, unless the police kill him first. I've heard them talking, I know that they have permission to shoot to kill if they have to._

_ The police have told us that the last of the students and staff have been cleared from the building, they are mostly walking wounded and will be treated outside of the building. Polly is packing up the equipment, I start zipping the medical bags up and putting them to one side for when we are ready to leave._

Jeff jumped back into reality when the same gunshot and a scream from his dreams pulled him out the flashback that he had been having. He quickly made his way into the toilet as the urge to be sick overcame him, his whole body shook and it took all of his effort to hold himself up as he was sick. The flashback was just like the nightmare, it had ended just in the same place and Jeff still didn't have any answers as to what had happened to Polly. His heart was pounding, he was breathing quickly and the sweat was dripping off his head. The flashback had unsettled him and Jeff picked up his coat, he had to get away from the station, he had to get away from the memories that were plaguing him. He wasn't ready to go home just yet, he wanted to forget about everything that had gone on, he wanted to drown it all out and get rid of it from his head.

Emilie was sat at home, Dixie and Hannah had picked up the twins some time ago, Jeff hadn't come home, she was worried about him. He wasn't his usual self, he had retreated into himself and it worried Emilie. She was worried that he might do something to himself if given the chance. Emilie had asked Dixie if Jeff had been at the hospital when she had left or if he had turned up at her house, Dixie had answered no to both of those questions. She paced the room and looked out of the curtains, the car was nowhere to be seen. Emilie wondered if she should phone the police, she knew that they wouldn't be able to do anything though. She'd called Jeff's phone and it had gone straight to voice mail. Emilie called his number again and she got the same answer. She was really beginning to worry about Jeff, what if he was hurt somewhere? She had almost made the decision to call the hospital and see if Jeff had been admitted when the door opened.

Jeff appeared in the doorway and Emilie knew that he had been drinking, she could see it in the way that he stumbled into the lounge. 'Where have you been?'

'To the pub.'

'I see. Did it ever occur to you that I might have been worried about you? Did it ever occur to you that I might have needed to know where you were?'

'I am an adult, the last time that I checked I didn't need your permission to go out.'

'Excuse me.'

'You heard me.'

'I can't believe how selfish you're being. There are people out there that want to help you, people that care for you. You're pushing them away and what for?'

'You don't understand.'

'Because you won't let me in, you won't let me see is happening to you.'

'I don't need your help. I don't need anyone.'

'Dixie and Hannah are helping each other, Cyd is talking to the counsellor, what makes you so special? Why are you so different?'

'They are women, it is okay for them to talk about their feelings.'

'Right, I see.' Emilie took a deep breath, she didn't know how to get through to Jeff that he needed help, that he needed to talk to someone.

Silence fell over the room that Emilie and Jeff were in, it quickly became oppressive, they didn't know what to say to each other. 'Emilie, I'm going to bed.'

'Fine.' Jeff left the room and Emilie let the tears that she had been holding in fall down her face. 'My knight in a shining ambulance, what has happened to you?' Emilie was barely aware of the words that had left her lips. She was so afraid of losing Jeff, whatever had happened in the college was eating him up. He needed to talk to someone, he was too stubborn to listen to anyone. What was she going to do with him? Emilie picked up her phone and she sent Dixie a quick message to let her know that Jeff had returned home. She was surprised when Dixie phoned her back right away. 'Emilie, are you all right?'

'I don't know, Jeff has been drinking, probably to mask the pain of what happened in the college.'

'I think you're right. I know that we're not in work tomorrow, but I do think that we have reason to worry about him. I've tried to get him to talk to the counsellor, he just refuses.'

'I've tried too.'

'Don't worry Emilie, we won't let him go without a fight, we will get him to come back to us.'

'I hope you're right.'

'Everything will be all right, I promise.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'You're welcome sweetheart.' Emilie put her phone down on the table, she really hoped that Dixie was right and that they would be able to save Jeff from himself.

Cyd was sat up against the pillows on her bed, she had just finished with writing in her diary about the feelings that she had experienced during the day. There were times when she wondered if she had done enough to help Polly when she was on the way to the hospital. Could she have done something to prevent Polly ending up in a coma. Cyd had talked to Hannah, she had experienced the same feelings about their treatment. They had done everything that they could for her, it felt as if they should have tried something else. If they had got her in that little bit faster then all of this might have been prevented. Cyd knew that those feelings would only lead her to thinking about things all of the time. It was why she had asked to have some counselling sessions, she needed to talk to someone. She needed to go over everything with someone that would listen to her. Having the counselling was really helping her to deal with her feelings.

Lawrence had visited Polly and he had been pleased to learn that she had made some progress in her recovery. He knew that it would be a slow process, it wouldn't just be that Polly suddenly opened her eyes and everything would be all right again. Lawrence couldn't help but hope that Polly would recover sooner rather than later, his medical training told him that she would wake up when she was ready to. He wanted to know that she was all right, that she wouldn't be paralysed when she woke up. The only way to tell if she was or not would be to run tests when Polly was fully conscious. Lawrence prayed that Polly would be spared the agony of having to find out that she wouldn't walk again. She was too young for that, it would be too cruel if that happened. He had talked to Dixie and Hannah several times, they were keeping him updated on Polly's progress. Dixie had felt very guilty about snapping at Hannah, he'd reassured her that sometimes people say things that they don't mean. Dixie had been worried that Hannah would leave her, the poor woman had cried down the phone for some time. He'd also reassured her that Hannah loved her and she wouldn't leave her just because they'd had a cross word. Lawrence had heard Dixie's pain in her voice, he felt for her, she was going through a lot at the moment.

Dixie and Hannah sat with the twins in their arms, they knew that something was happening as they kept asking for Polly. They were too young to understand what was happening so they had told them that Polly wasn't very well and she would be back when she was well again. Hannah and Dixie had decided that it was best if the twins were kept away from Polly's bedside, she wouldn't want them to see her in such a vulnerable state. 'Teddy,' Elizabeth said. 'Pol.' She pushed the teddy into Dixie's hands.

'Auntie Polly isn't here sweetheart.'

'Dixie,' Hannah said. 'I think she wants us to give the teddy to Polly.'

'Is that what you want, do you want me to give the teddy to Polly?' Elizabeth nodded and Dixie's eyes filled with tears at the gesture that her daughter was making to her auntie Polly. 'Thank you sweetheart, I am sure that teddy will make Polly feel better.'

'No cry mama.' Elizabeth put her arms around Dixie and hugged her. Dixie held her daughter close, she had been extremely moved by what her daughter had just done. She looked over at Hannah and saw that she had tears in her eyes too, she just hugged Thomas close to her and kissed his head.

Jeff woke from a nightmare to find that he was alone in bed, his head was pounding, he was sure that it was a combination of the alcohol that he had drunk earlier and the nightmare. He'd left the car at the hospital and got a taxi home, he wasn't that stupid, he'd pick the car up in the morning. Jeff wondered why he was alone in bed, where was Emilie? He slowly got up to avoid making his headache worse, he looked in Emilie's side of the wardrobe, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her clothes were still there. Jeff went downstairs and he found Emilie lying on the sofa, she was in her pyjamas and had her head on a cushion, she was fast asleep. A few moments passed and Jeff went over to Emilie, the same look of worry was on her face, it hadn't left at all in the past week. He put his hand on her arm, she was cold, the heating wasn't on in the lounge at night as nobody was down there. Jeff carefully picked Emilie up in his arms, she couldn't sleep downstairs as she would freeze and end up with a very sore neck. He took her upstairs and gently put her down in the bed, he wrapped her up in the quilt and kissed her on the head. Jeff had a feeling that he had let Emilie down very badly, he wished he could be the man that she deserved. He kissed her on the head again, he didn't want to lose her. 'Sorry princess, I know I frightened you, I wish that I could take it back. I love you, I just hope that it is enough.' Emilie hadn't woken in all of the time that Jeff had carried her upstairs, she was exhausted from the fear of not knowing where Jeff was. Jeff just watched Emilie sleep, he wished that he could be brave enough to get the help that he knew he needed.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews. Welcome to Sparkles and Rainbows, thank you for reviewing. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)  
**

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**Chapter Eight.**

The days to the memorial service at the college passed quickly for everyone that was attending, Jeff still refused to go, Dixie had tried to convince him. She was worried about Jeff spending so much time alone, she thought that he might benefit from spending time with the team. Polly hadn't made any more improvement as of yet. The doctors reassured Hannah and Dixie that Polly was doing well and they had every hope that she would regain consciousness. The worry that Polly would be paralysed still hung over her friends, they tried their best to remain positive though. The teddy that Elizabeth had given to Polly was next to her bed, along with get well cards and wishes from everyone in the hospital. She was still receiving regular visits from all of the paramedic crew and the staff from the ED. Jeff still hadn't visited Polly, everyone had stopped asking him if he wanted to go and see her, it had become clear that he wasn't going to go and visit her. They all knew that it was the guilt that was stopping him from seeing Polly. The whole team were doing their best to support Jeff, it was hard when he was pushing them away and refusing to talk about his experiences inside the college. Any attempt to help Jeff resulted in them being knocked back, he didn't want them to help him.

Jeff's mood hadn't improved, it had got worse as the memorial approached, he refused to go to the college, he didn't want to be anywhere near it. He had decided that he would work the shift instead of going to the memorial with everyone else. Dixie was worried about Jeff, she had noticed that he was drinking more and he had taken on a few extra shifts. She knew that it was Jeff's way of trying to bury everything that he was feeling. Dixie had been watching Jeff carefully, he looked tired nearly all of the time, he often zoned out and looked as if something was bothering him. Jeff had been losing his temper with people more often, he had snapped at some of the staff from time to time. Dixie had tried begging Jeff to get some help, it hadn't worked, he had just walked off. Emilie was suffering too, her and Jeff had been arguing. Dixie was very worried about Emilie and Jeff's relationship. Emilie had dropped around after an argument with Jeff, the poor woman had been very upset, she loved Jeff, and seeing him in this state was hurting her. Dixie had eventually persuaded Emilie to go home and try to sort things out with Jeff. She wasn't sure if it had worked, Jeff was refusing to talk about any of it. It worried Dixie that Jeff and Emilie's relationship might come to an end, Emilie was the best thing that had happened to Jeff. If all of the arguing and stress caused their relationship to end, it just might push Jeff over the edge. Dixie was certain that Emilie loved Jeff; it was why she was still around, why she wasn't giving up on him. Jeff loved Emilie too, she saw it in his eyes whenever Emilie was brought up in conversation. It gave Dixie hope that her best friend was still in there, that she would one day get him back again.

The staff from Holby had all met at the college and they sat together in the main hall as the students and staff from the college joined them. Hannah looked around the room at the photos of those that had died or had been injured. The head of the college was saying something but Hannah barely heard her. The photos of those that had been hurt or killed were almost too many to count, they had flowers and a candle in front of them. The emotion of the day could be felt from all around the room. Some of the parents were crying and hugging each other, the others were just staring into space as they listened to the head talking. Hannah felt Dixie reach over and squeeze her hand, she rested her head on Dixie's shoulder and they took comfort from being so close to each other. She looked at the other members of the team from the hospital, they too were comforting those that needed it and hugging each other. It had been a tough week and a half for every member of the hospital that had been involved in the treatment of the students and staff of the college. Hannah's thoughts turned to the speech that she would have to make in front of everyone. She had planned out what she was going to say, it had took her some time to write it all down, she just wanted to do a good job and make Dixie proud of her.

Emilie sat quietly at home, she had taken a few days off from work, she needed some time to think about what was happening. She was looking after the twins for Hannah and Dixie, they gave her something to think about other than the problems she was having with Jeff. The twins were having a nap, she watched them both sleeping, she wanted children, would she get to have them though? It was looking increasingly doubtful, Jeff was getting worse and she didn't know how to get through to him. Even the news that Polly was on the mend hadn't improved Jeff's demeanour. There were times when Jeff looked so scared, she wondered what he was seeing, what was it that made him look so afraid. Emilie wondered if he had remembered what had gone on inside the college, she had tried to get him to talk, but she hadn't had any luck. The picture of herself, Jeff, and Polly captured Emilie's eye, it had been taken at the twins' birthday party. Little Abs was in the picture, Jeff was holding Thomas, and Polly had hold of Elizabeth. Emilie noticed how happy they all looked, she wished that they could go back to that time. She wished that all of the unhappy moments could be changed into happier ones. She wished that there was a such a thing as a time machine so she could change what had happened in the college. Emilie wanted to see Jeff smile again, she would give anything to take away his pain, she would give anything to hear him say he loved her again.

The ring that sat on Emilie's finger caught her eye next, she remembered the day that Jeff had given it to her, it had been perfect. It had been just the two of them, and Jeff had gone to so much effort to make her happy. Jeff had surprised Emilie when he had proposed to her, she hadn't expected it, but she'd had no doubt as to what her answer should be. The love that Emilie felt for Jeff hadn't changed, she wished that she could find some way to help him get better. She wished that Jeff would talk to her, that he would share his pain with her. Emilie vowed that she wouldn't give up on Jeff, that she would keep on fighting for him. She would keep on trying to get through to him, no matter what it took, she would be there for him. Emilie gently touched the ring, she would keep on wearing it, it represented her commitment to Jeff. She wouldn't give up on him, he needed someone to be there for him, needed someone to open up to. Emilie quietly promised that she would stick by Jeff, no matter how angry he got, no matter how much he pushed her away. She quietly asked for the strength to keep the promise that she had just made. One day, Jeff would open up to someone, Emilie hoped that it would be her, she just wanted Jeff's pain to end.

Jeff scrubbed the ambulance clean, he needed to do something to take his mind off the things that were bothering him. He had the radio playing to try and keep out the thoughts of Polly and if she might be paralysed or not. The flashbacks were getting closer together, he was seeing more of what happened with each one. He still wasn't sure what had happened when Polly had been shot, the moments leading up to it were startlingly clear. Jeff was frustrated that he couldn't remember what had happened, he needed to know if it was his fault that Polly was lying in a hospital bed. The nightmares were getting worse too, he sometimes dreamed that he was the one shooting Polly. Those dreams were the worst, it was as if they were telling him that he was to blame for Polly getting hurt. Jeff had other dreams that ended in him being the one that got shot, he privately thought that it would better if it had been that way. Polly shouldn't be in a hospital bed, she should be safe and happy. It was because he had failed to protect her that she was there, he had broken his promise to her. Jeff thought that he deserved to pay for what he had done, he deserved to have the nightmares and the flashbacks that almost dominated his waking and sleeping hours. He deserved to have the pain of knowing that he would lose the woman that he was in love with if he kept pushing her away.

Hannah slowly made her way up to the front of the hall, she was a bit nervous about giving her speech to those that had gathered to remember the victims of the college shootings. 'Hello everyone. I've thought for a long time about what I would say here today. Some of the obvious things came to mind, that the boy that did all of this was evil, that he was a murderer, that he killed and hurt all of those people. Some of those things might be true, but I doubt that he was evil. We see people in need every day when we are at work, we see those that have been forgotten by the system. We see people that are crying out for someone to help them, if Devlan felt the need to kill people, then we have to ask ourselves why. Why did he feel the need to go to such extreme lengths to get the attention of those around him? Why wasn't it picked up on? We can blame ourselves all we want, we can blame his teachers or anyone we like, it won't bring back those that have died or been hurt.' Hannah looked at her notes to give herself a moment to calm down, her emotions were beginning to get the better of her. 'Playing the blame game won't help us. I know that some of you are thinking that I don't have any right to be up here and talking to you as I am. On the day that the shootings happened, I had to treat my partner, Polly Emmerson, she too had been shot. Polly is currently in Holby City Hospital, she's in a coma, we don't know when she will wake up. I tried to be angry, I tried to be upset, I tried to hate the boy that shot Polly. I couldn't do it, at the end of the day he was just a boy, one that also tragically lost his life. It shouldn't have come to this, we shouldn't be here and remembering those that have died. If anything comes from this tragedy, it should be that we learn from what happened, that we take more notice of those that are in pain.' Hannah took a deep breath. 'I don't doubt that Devlan was in pain, that he was desperately needing someone to notice the pain that he was in. I am not justifying what Devlan did, his actions were wrong, but we should ask ourselves how he managed to get that far, how his pain wasn't picked up on. If we don't learn from this, we risk repeating the mistakes that led to this tragedy in the first place.' Hannah looked up and she met Dixie's eye, she hoped that she was proud of her, she picked up her notes off the podium and she sat back down. Her speech might not have been a popular one, but she had said what needed to be said.

The members of the Holby team made their way back to the hospital, some of them had work to go to and others just wanted to be around friends. The memorial had made them think, Hannah's words had made them think. Dixie went into her office, Hannah was with her, she took a deep breath and then she smiled at Hannah. 'I am proud of you, that must have been a difficult speech for you to make. I think you're right, blaming each other for what happened isn't the way forward. I just hope that we all learn from what happened.'

'I hope so too, I hope that we don't have to deal with anything like this again.'

Me too.' Dixie and Hannah hugged each other, it had been an emotional day for them all.

'I won't be long beautiful, I just need to make sure that Jeff is all right.'

'Okay, I'll wait in the car and then we can get going.'

'All right, I'll see you soon.' Hannah gave Dixie a quick kiss and then she went to wait in the car, she couldn't wait to go home, giving her speech had exhausted her and she just wanted to rest.

Dixie saw Jeff and she went over to him. 'Hey mate, aren't you supposed to be going home already? I thought your shift ended half an hour ago.'

'It didn't, I volunteered for another shift.'

'Jeff, come with me.'

'What is it?'

'Just come with me.' Dixie checked that Jeff was following her and she went into her office, she closed the door behind Jeff and she just looked at him. She saw how tired and worn out Jeff looked, his emotions were getting the best of him. 'I think you need help.'

'Not this again, Dixie, I'm fine.'

'You're not, you're drinking and working double shifts. You're arguing with Emilie and anyone that gets in your way. I know that you're doing this to avoid everything that you've been feeling about what happened to Polly.'

'Why do you have to bring that up?'

'Because you won't, somebody has to do it. Jeff, go home, get some rest.'

'I can't, I am booked in for another shift.' Dixie sighed, Jeff had already booked himself in for another shift, she couldn't do anything.

'Jeff, I am worried about you. You haven't been yourself, you haven't seen Polly since she was taken into hospital. I know that you are struggling with what happened. You do know that I am here if you need to talk to me.'

'I'm fine.' Dixie sighed, Jeff was stubborn, she hoped that he would open to her one day.

'Okay, do you want me to tell Emilie that you'll be working late?'

'Yeah, whatever.' Dixie just watched Jeff leave her office, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with him, it hurt her to see him so down and hurting.

Hannah and Dixie had picked the twins up from Emilie and they had followed their usual evening routine. They had tried to keep their routine as normal as possible. Emilie had looked tired and upset, the news that Jeff was working another double shift had obviously upset her a great deal. Dixie sat on the sofa next to Hannah, she sipped at her tea and sighed quietly. 'Hannah, Emilie looked so defeated earlier.'

'I know, I wish that there was something we could do to help her.'

'I do too. I don't know what to do with Jeff, he is suffering.'

'All you can do is wait until he opens up to you.'

'Yeah, I thought that too. I wish that this hadn't happened.'

'So do we all Dixie.'

'You know that I'm proud of you Hannah, you treated Polly in very difficult circumstances. It must have been hard for you and Cyd.'

'It was, I would do it again though.'

I hope that you won't ever have to.'

'Dixie, do you think that I could have done something more to help Polly?'

'How do you mean?'

'She's in a coma, if I had treated her quicker or got her to Holby faster then this might not have happened. If I had done something different then Polly might not have ended up in a coma.'

'No, my beautiful Hannah, I read your report, you did everything that I would have done. You did everything that you could for Polly. You and Cyd did your best for Polly, nobody can fault you on your actions, they saved her life.' Hannah nodded, she hoped that Dixie was right.

Dixie saw the look on Hannah's face, she wanted to try and ease her suffering. 'If we're going on our actions, I let Polly go into the college, I should have told her no.'

'You couldn't have known what would happen Dixie.'

'Because of my actions, Polly got shot and Jeff is now going through all sorts of hell. Emilie is also suffering, what will I do if their relationship ends? It will be my fault if that happens.'

'Of course it isn't your fault.' Hannah took hold of Dixie's hands in her own and she kissed her on the head. 'I don't blame you Dixie, neither will Polly. As for Jeff and Emilie, I know that Emilie won't give up on Jeff, not without a fight. She's as stubborn as you are.'

'I know, I am glad that Jeff has Emilie, she is good for him.'

'She is. We're going to come through this stronger than ever, Jeff and Emilie will get married, Polly will come out of her coma and everything will be just fine.'

'What if Polly is paralysed?'

'We'll look after her, we won't let her be alone. I am hoping that she won't be, that the bullet didn't do enough damage to her back.'

'I am hoping for that too.'

'We have each other, whatever happens, we will face it together.' Dixie smiled at Hannah and she kissed her, they hadn't much time for each other over the past few days. Hannah and Dixie both relished the contact that they had with each other.

Jeff looked out of the ambulance station, the night was cold and he was alone. He almost wished that he hadn't taken on the extra shift. There was a part of Jeff that wanted to see Emilie, he wanted to go to her and hold her, he wanted her to hold him too. Jeff had been doing a lot of thinking in the time that he had been working, if he was away from Emilie then she would be safe. He had been near Polly, now she was lying in a hospital bed in a coma. What if that happened to Emilie, what if she ended up getting hurt because he couldn't protect her? Jeff loved Emilie, he couldn't bring himself to think about seeing her hurt or losing her. He knew that he was hurting her by not opening up to her, he didn't want her to think bad of him. Jeff looked up at the sky, it was a clear night and the stars were out. He thought about Emilie, she would be sat at home with a hot chocolate right about now. He wondered if she was sad, if she missed him, if she wished that he was there with her. Jeff knew that he should be with her, he should have been spending the evening with her. Emilie would be going to bed soon, she would be asleep by the time he got back home. She would have left the house for work by the time he woke up. Jeff closed his eyes, thinking about Emilie had made him feel sad, he missed her. He was trying to do his best for her, if he wasn't there then she would be safe.

Emilie sat by herself in the kitchen, she was in her pyjamas, she'd just finished her hot chocolate and she put her cup in the sink. Little Abs was sat with her, he sensed that she was sad, he hadn't left her side all evening. 'Little Abs, what are we going to with your dad?' The dog just looked at Emilie. 'I don't know either, I am trying to help him. I don't want to lose him. I love your dad. I don't know if we will make it through. I want us to. I want to marry your dad.' Emilie sighed, her emotions were starting to get the better of her. She had thought about going to bed, she didn't much want to go to bed alone. Jeff might not be himself, but having him in bed with her made her feel safe. She liked to know that he was with her, that he was safe. Emilie worried about Jeff when he was out on duty, especially now that he wasn't himself. How long would he be able to go on as he was at this moment in time? How long before it all got to Jeff and he cracked under the pressure? Emilie was worried about Jeff, she worried that he would do something to hurt himself. She didn't want to think of a world without the man that she had fallen in love with.

Hannah and Dixie lay together in their bed, they had removed all of their clothing so they could lie with their skin touching. Skin contact comforted them both, it wasn't about sex. Dixie moved her fingers over Hannah's bare arms and up to her neck. They shared a little kiss and Dixie rested her head against Hannah's shoulder. 'My Hannah, you haven't changed since the first time I saw you without your clothes. I remember thinking that you were the most beautiful woman that I had ever had the privilege of looking at.'

'I've changed a bit, having the babies has seen to that.'

'You're still beautiful Hannah, in fact I think you're more beautiful than ever before.'

'Dixie, you know how to make a woman feel valued.'

'I love you, I always want you to know that.'

'I do know, I love you too, always.' Hannah smiled at Dixie and she kissed her head.

'I've changed too, I'm almost forty, my body isn't as young as it used to be.'

'Dixie, you are a beautiful woman, don't let anyone tell you that you're not.'

'I have my fair share of marks and signs of age.'

'They are part of you, the woman I fell in love with, the woman I gave my heart to. I want all of you Dixie, even the parts that you consider to be imperfections.'

'My Hannah, my sweetheart.'

'My Dixie, you are perfect.'

'How do you know what to say to make me feel good about myself?'

'I'm just saying what I know to be true.'

'Okay.' Hannah held Dixie close to her, she kissed her head again and stroked her hair.

The quietness of the room fell over Dixie and Hannah as they lay together, they were wrapped up in each other. Every so often they would share a little kiss as they held each other. The stress of the time that had gone by since Polly had ended up in hospital started to melt away. It was just the two of them and they took comfort from the warmth of the covers that surrounded them both. Not a word was spoken, they didn't need words. Everything that they were feeling was communicated by a gentle touch or a kiss. The simple actions of love brought comfort to Hannah and Dixie. They cuddled up to each other and took refuge from the stresses of the current situation. Though the morning would arrive and present new challenges for them, for now they could just focus on being with each other and the love that they shared.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover, olivia. c. king1 and ****Sparkles and Rainbows** for your reviews. I really do appreciate your support in writing this emotional story, your comments keep me writing :)  


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**Chapter Nine.**

A few days after the memorial service at the college, it had been reported in the paper that there had been a full investigation into the shootings and how it had been allowed to happen. The staff of the college had been questioned and so had some of the students. Those that had recovered from their injuries had given their statements about what happened on that day. It had said in the paper that the college had put new measures in place to ensure that such a tragedy didn't happen again. Dixie folded the paper over, she hoped that lessons had been learned from what had happened at the college. So many people had been affected by what had happened; students and staff, the emergency services, and the families of those that had been hurt or killed. Dixie had seen first-hand how the incident had affected her staff, some of them were still receiving counselling, others had come to talk to her about what they had experienced in the college. She was proud of every member of her team, it had been a difficult time for them all. Dixie made sure to tell her team how proud she was of them, she wanted them to know that she appreciated all of their hard work. Being the boss was hard for Dixie sometimes, she hoped that her staff viewed her as a friend as well their boss. She wanted the team to know that she cared about them all, that their welfare was important to her. Dixie smiled to herself, she had some time off now, she could spend it with Hannah and the twins. She would visit Polly in the hospital too, she wanted to see how she was getting on. Dixie wanted Polly to know that she was always in her thoughts, that she was asking anyone that would listen to look out for her. She had started to hope that Polly would come around, that she would make it through and come out of her coma.

Polly had now been in a coma for a fortnight, she had showed some more improvement, her GCS was steadily going up as the days went by. She had started to open her eyes occasionally when people talked to her, there were moments when she would say the odd word. Polly still had some way to go in her recovery, she needed time to get better. The doctors had told Dixie and Hannah that Polly would be in hospital for some time after she came out of her coma. It would all depend on if Polly was paralysed or not. The injuries that Polly had received from being shot were healing well, the nurses had taken good care of her during the time that she had been on the ward. They had always welcomed the members of the paramedic crew, even letting them in to see Polly when it wasn't visiting time. The nurses knew that they could only visit when their breaks allowed, they made special allowances for them all. Dixie had thought about trying to contact Polly's family, she had no idea who they were or even if Polly would want them there. There weren't any contact details for any of Polly's relations in her file. She had decided not to try and find them in the end, Polly had her family around her already, she didn't need anyone else. The early days of Polly's hospitalisation had been worrying, it had been a tense time for all of her friends, to see Polly well on her way to coming out of her coma made them all happy.

Dixie and Hannah had stayed in bed late, they had a few days off after working some night shifts. When they had some time off they spent it with the twins, they took them to the park to play whenever they could. They were sat in the lounge and they had toys scattered all over the floor, they had spent the morning playing with the twins and reading them stories. Dixie watched Elizabeth and Thomas toddle after the ball that Hannah had rolled across the room. She was so proud of the twins and the milestones that they had reached. They were both toddling about, it made Dixie smile to see the twins so healthy and happy. It had been a difficult time when the twins had started teething, they had struggled to sleep for a while. Now that some more of their teeth had come through, the twins were sleeping better again. Watching the twins and looking after them made Dixie happy, she wouldn't change any of it for anything. She was so grateful to Hannah for helping her to have the babies. Love and family life made Dixie feel complete, she had everything that she wanted. Dixie was trying to stay grateful for everything that she had been given in her life. It was hard when Polly being in hospital was in her mind, when there was a chance that Polly could be paralysed. Dixie hoped that if she was grateful for the gifts that she had been given then Polly would recover fully. The young woman had her whole life ahead of her, to have it taken from her by paralysis would be far too cruel. Dixie wanted Polly to be okay, she prayed that everything would be all right when Polly woke up.

Hannah had put the toys away in their rightful place, she had just put the twins down for a nap with Dixie. They covered them with their blankets as they dozed on the beanbags that had been bought for them when they got too big for their baskets. She still thought of the twins as babies even though they had grown into two very healthy toddlers. Hannah's heart filled with love as she watched the little ones sleeping. She kissed Elizabeth and Thomas on the head. 'Our little ones are not so little now Dixie.'

'They have grown really big.'

'I might not be their biological mum, but I carried them in my womb, I nurtured them for nine months. I think of the twins as my children, I think of myself as their mummy.'

'You are their mummy Hannah. We conceived out children together, our love for each other brought them into the world. You are a wonderful mother Hannah, our children are lucky to have you.'

'They are lucky to have you too Dixie. I am lucky to have you, everything that we're going through at the moment is so difficult for us all. I know that I couldn't have got this far without you.'

'I don't think that Jeff feels that way, he's getting worse. I know that he is spending more time in the pub after each shift. Emilie looks sad every time that we see her.'

'She does. I know that you want to help Jeff, we all want to help him. I know that he feels guilty over what happened to Polly in the college. Unless Jeff comes to us, we can't help him, he needs to come to us for help. Jeff will come to you or Emilie when he is ready to do so.'

'So I'm supposed to let him destroy himself?'

'Dixie, I know that this is distressing for you. Jeff is your best friend, it is natural that you want to help him. Be there when Jeff wants to open up to you.'

'You're right, it's all I can do.' Hannah hugged Dixie and she kissed her on the head, helping Jeff meant everything to Dixie, it hurt her to see him in such a state.

Emilie stood outside of Dixie and Hannah's house, she needed someone to talk to, needed someone to listen to her. She rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door, it wasn't long before Dixie came to the door. 'Emilie, is everything all right?'

'I don't know, can I come in?'

'Of course you can.' Emilie followed Dixie into the house.

'I'm sorry for calling on you on your day off, I don't know where else to go.'

'That's all right, what's wrong?'

'Everything,' Emilie said as the tears rolled down her face.

'Oh sweetheart, it's all right, cry as much as you need to.' Dixie put her arms around Emilie and she held her as she cried, she wondered what had happened to put Emilie in such a state. She had an idea that Jeff had said or done something to upset Emilie. Whatever he had done must have been bad, Emilie had kept her composure throughout everything that she had experienced so far. Dixie pulled the box of tissues over to her, it looked as if she was going to need them.

Dixie handed Emilie a tissue, the poor woman had spent the last fifteen minutes crying her eyes out. 'Dixie, where's Hannah?'

'She's upstairs, she's putting some of the washing away.'

'Oh, you're lucky to have someone like her, someone that loves you.'

'Jeff loves you.'

'Does he? I'm not so sure.'

'What makes you say that?'

'Maybe I should start at the beginning.'

'Okay.'

'I had just come back from visiting Polly, she's doing so well. I thought that it might cheer Jeff up a little bit if he knew how much progress that she has made. When I went into the house I saw that he had been drinking again. He promised me that he was going to try and stop, it seems that it was just an empty promise.' Dixie heard the despondency in Emilie's voice, she was obviously worn out from dealing with Jeff in his current mood. 'I tried to get through to him, I really did. We argued again, I am trying my best with him, I really am.'

'Of course you are sweetheart. What did Jeff say that made you so upset?' Dixie saw Emilie's skin turn very pale, she knew that it must be bad for it to have such an effect on her. 'I know that it is just the drink talking, but, it still hurt. He said that he doesn't want to marry me.' The tears had begun to roll down Emilie's face again, she was obviously very upset, Jeff's words had hurt her a great deal. Dixie put her arms around Emilie, there weren't any words that could help her feel better, all Dixie could do was hold Emilie and try to comfort her.

Hannah came into the lounge to find Dixie hugging a distraught Emilie, she saw Dixie look up and noticed that Dixie had a look of sadness in her eyes. 'Hannah, could you make Emilie a strong cup of tea?'

'Of course I will.'

'Thanks beautiful.' Hannah knew that Emilie and Dixie had been talking about Jeff, it was obvious that Emilie was having trouble dealing with Jeff. She had seen how Jeff hadn't been coping with his feelings. Hannah had watched Jeff carefully, he was hyper-alert all of the time. It was as if he was waiting for someone to burst into the station and try to hurt everyone. He was jumping at the slightest noise and losing his temper frequently. Hannah had tried to talk to Jeff about getting some help and he had bitten her head off. She'd noticed that he would drift off into a world of his own, it was obviously where he had some very painful memories. Jeff hadn't smiled since the shootings had happened, his eyes were haunted by his feelings. Polly getting shot had affected him, now it was affecting the people around him. Hannah sighed as she took the mugs out of the cupboards and put the kettle on, she wanted to help Jeff, everyone wanted to help him. He had pushed people so far away from him, would they ever get him back? Would the relationship he had with Emilie survive? Hannah wasn't sure, Emilie was so close to cracking under the pressure. She was glad that she had Dixie, they'd had a fair few difficult days after the shootings, but they'd worked through them together. Hannah wished that Jeff would let someone in to help him.

Jeff was sat by himself on the sofa, the alcohol had numbed his senses, he couldn't feel anything. He didn't want to feel anything, he had let everyone down, he had let Emilie down. The argument that he'd had with Emilie was slowly coming back to him, he remembered telling her that he didn't want to marry her. The knowledge of what he had said to Emilie made Jeff feel terrible, the look of hurt in her eyes made Jeff feel ashamed of himself. The wedding hadn't been discussed since what had happened at the college. Jeff vaguely remembered that Emilie had mentioned starting to put money away for a dress, he supposed that she had given up on that idea now. Emilie would look beautiful in a wedding dress, would he get to see her in one? What he had said to Emilie today was unforgivable, he wouldn't be surprised if Emilie came back to tell him that she was leaving him. The thought of losing Emilie popped into Jeff's mind, he was afraid of not being with the woman that he was still very much in love with. He wasn't sure what to do, how could he make it up to Emilie for what he had said to her today?

Emilie dabbed at her eyes with the tissue that Dixie had handed her, Jeff's words had really hurt her. 'Where's the man that I fell in love with Dixie? Where did he go?'

'He's still in there somewhere, he might be buried under his grief, he hasn't gone away though.'

'Hasn't he?'

'No, I am sure of it.'

'If Jeff doesn't want to marry me then I can't stay here. If he doesn't love me then I have to go away to forget. I can't be here with the memories of what I had with Jeff.'

'Emilie, don't leave, if you leave then Jeff will crumble. Do you love Jeff?'

'I do, we've had a tough few weeks, but I can't stop loving him.'

'Please stay Emilie, please help me get our Jeffrey back.'

'Okay, how are we going to do that?'

'When we get back to work I am going to talk to my colleagues and tell them not to give Jeff any extra shifts. I know that working extra hours isn't going to help him.'

'He's not going to be happy about that, it will make him angry at you.'

'I know, I'm counting on it. If I want Jeff to open up to me then he has to get mad.'

'Is it like when you had a bad time with the IVF and you two argued in the station?'

'It is, Jeff knew that if he wanted me to talk to him then he had to make me mad. It was rough time, finding out that Hannah wasn't pregnant after everything that we had been through just hurt so much. I took it out on Jeff because he was there at the time.'

'I think that's what Jeff is doing with me.'

'It is. We'll get Jeff back, I'm not going to let him go without a fight. Are you going to help me Emilie? I need you in on this.'

'I am.'

'Good, don't worry, we'll get your knight in a shining ambulance back again.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'You're welcome.' Emilie gave Dixie a hug, she was so happy to have someone on her side, someone that wanted to help Jeff through this difficult time.

Cyd had gone to visit Polly, all of her friends took it in turns to go and sit with her whenever they weren't working. Polly was looking a good deal healthier than she had when she had first been shot. 'Hey Polly, it's my day off so I decided to come and see you. I can sit with you for a while. I'm still talking to the counsellor about what happened at the college. It was a horrible day for us all, I can only imagine what it must have been like for you. I want you to know that I tried my best, I did everything that I could do for you. I wish that it hadn't turned out like this. You have to come back to us, we're so proud of you for the progress that you have made so far.' Cyd took a deep breath and she let it go again, she was trying to choose her words carefully. 'You were mentioned at the memorial, a lot of the students remembered you treating them. They all asked after you, they've asked us to let them know when you're out of your coma. They sent a card to the hospital, it is signed with all their names.' The ward was quiet, Cyd used the time to reflect and put her thoughts in order. 'Do you know that we're here, that we come and visit you as often as we can? The hospital staff have been brilliant, they've taken very good care of you Polly. You're improving as each day goes by, I am glad to see that you're getting better. We all want you back with us.' Cyd smiled as Polly's fingers moved, she had been making more determined movements in the past few days. Seeing Polly moving around and hearing her speak gave everyone hope that she would start to come out of her coma more and more.

Lawrence let himself into Hannah and Dixie's house, they knew that he was coming to visit them, he wanted to see the twins. 'Hi dad,' Hannah said as he came into the lounge. 'Hello.'

'You look tired, has it been a long day?'

'It has, we've had a fair few operations today, a few last minute emergencies too.'

'That's the life we lead when we choose to become medical staff.'

'Indeed it is. How is everything going?'

'The twins have definitely found their feet, they're running about so much more now. They're taking after Dixie a lot more as time goes on. I see it in the way that they act.'

'You wouldn't have them any other way, I see how much love you have for your children.'

'I do love them, they're beautiful.'

'I think so too, my grandchildren are gorgeous little children. You have made me so proud of you Hannah. I remember the day that you married Dixie, you both looked so happy.'

'I remember it too, it is one of my favourite memories. You've always supported my relationship with Dixie, dad. I am so glad that you do.'

'Always, Dixie loves you and you love her. I am proud of you both, you are loyal to each other, you love each other, and you are wonderful parents.' Hannah hugged Lawrence and he hugged her back. ' I want to say hello to the twins, where are they?'

'They're upstairs with Dixie.'

'I'll go and say hello to them.'

'Okay.' Hannah smiled to herself as Lawrence went upstairs to see Dixie and the twins, it meant a lot to Hannah that her dad was proud of her.

Dixie was straightening up some of the things in the nursery, she had just bathed the twins with Hannah and they had changed them together. Hannah had kissed the twins goodnight and then she had gone downstairs to meet Lawrence. She'd had a message from Emilie earlier, she was trying her best to keep hoping that they would be able to help Jeff. There wasn't any question about it, Dixie would not let him go, she wouldn't let him lose the woman that meant so much to him. Dixie turned around when the door opened, she saw Lawrence stood there. 'Hello, it's good to see you.'

'Good to see you too Dixie. How are the twins?'

'They are very well, we've had a busy day playing with toys and reading stories.'

'I can see that.' Thomas and Elizabeth were already settling down to sleep. 'They are beautiful children, I am proud of you Dixie, you are quite the mother.'

'I am glad that you think so. Hannah is a great mummy to our babies.'

'You both are.'

'I am so grateful to Hannah, I think she wants to be a mum too, I think she wants a baby of her own.'

'Have you talked about it with her?'

'A little bit, we've decided to wait until the twins get a little older.'

'That is wise, young children can be exhausting to look after.'

'They are, it is worth every minute though. Having the twins has been worth every minute of waiting, hoping, and wishing during the IVF treatment.' Dixie smiled down at the twins in their cots, she loved them so very much.

The twins slowly fell asleep in front of Dixie and Lawrence. 'Dixie, how are you doing?'

'I'm okay, it has been a tough few weeks.'

'I can see that. Polly being in a coma has been tough on you all.'

'I know that you did your best for our Polly when you were operating on her.'

'Of course I did, sometimes these things just happen, nobody is to blame for Polly getting shot except the boy that did it. I remember when I was in hospital, my thoughts were of Hannah, I wanted to come back for her.'

'I can see that, you love her and she loves you.'

'Polly will feel much the same, she will be fighting to come back for all of you. The friendship that you have will be keeping her going, it will keep her fighting.'

'I hope so, we don't want to lose Polly.'

'You're not going to, the doctors are very happy with her progress. I do not know when she is going to wake up, I do know that she will though.' Lawrence gave Dixie a hug, he thought that she needed one. 'Do you still blame yourself for letting Polly go into the college?'

'Sometimes, I think that I should have refused to let her go in there. If I had sent someone else in then maybe all of this would have ended differently.'

'You can't know that.'

'I know. It scares me that Polly will be paralysed, I am trying to stay hopeful, but it's hard.'

'It is, only time will tell if Polly will be paralysed or not.'

'I don't want her to be, she's too young for that.'

'You won't be at fault though, you did not shoot her.'

'I hope you're right.'

'I am.' Dixie just stood in Lawrence's arms, she took comfort from the hug of the man that had welcomed her with open arms into his family, that loved her as if she was his daughter. Lawrence kept his arms around Dixie, he loved her for making Hannah happy, he wanted to help her feel better. He sent up a quick prayer that everyone would come out of these sad times, that everything would work out in the best possible way for everyone involved.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover, olivia. c. king1 and ****Sparkles and Rainbows** for your reviews. I really do appreciate your support in writing this emotional story, your comments keep me writing :)  


**This was a tough chapter to write, there is some swearing and some people might find it a bit difficult to read due to the subject matter. If you feel the need to stop reading then please do.**

* * *

**Chapter Ten.**

Dixie sat in her office, she had gone through with her plan of telling the other duty managers not to accept Jeff's offer of covering shifts for them. She had let them know a little about what Jeff was currently going through and why she had asked them not to give him any more hours. They had agreed to her request and it was only a matter of time before Jeff found out what she had done. He would be furious, he hated people interfering in his life. Dixie knew that it was likely that Jeff would have a go at her, she wanted him to. If he got angry then she could use it to her advantage, she could use it to get him to open up to her. Dixie remembered when Jeff had pushed her buttons during the IVF treatment, she had crumbled, all of her emotions had come pouring out. She feared losing Jeff to his depression, Emilie feared it too. The poor woman was at the end of her strength, dealing with Jeff had exhausted her. Sophia and John didn't know what their dad was going through, Emilie didn't want them to see him in such a state. Dixie agreed with Emilie, Sophia and John didn't need to see their dad in his current condition, it was better off if they were kept out of it. They were still young people, it would hurt them to see their dad as he was. Dixie sighed to herself, she was gambling a lot on getting Jeff angry, she needed him to open up to her. If he didn't open up soon then she risked losing him completely, it was not an option, she would not lose him.

Emilie was nervous, Dixie had limited Jeff's hours, he would be annoyed, he had already accused her of interfering in his life once before. He hadn't been happy when he found out that she had gone to see Dixie after they had argued. She knew that this was something that Jeff had to go through, he needed to experience all of the hurt and pain. Jeff needed to go through everything, he needed to cry, he needed to break down, and he needed someone to hold him as that happened. Being in denial wasn't helping Jeff, he was holding all of his feelings inside himself. It hurt Emilie to see Jeff in such a state, she wanted to help him through this difficult time. Every time that Jeff pushed Emilie away, every time that he came home drunk from the pub, she lost a little bit more hope. She wanted the man that she had fallen in love with back again, she wanted for him to open up to her, she wanted for him to let her in. Hearing Jeff say that he didn't want to marry her had hurt Emilie the most, she knew that it was because Jeff was struggling to see any sort of future for himself. She suspected that Jeff had post traumatic stress disorder, he was showing plenty of the symptoms that had been listed on the website.

Cyd knocked on Dixie's door, she wanted to talk to her, she had something that she wanted to get off her chest. She went inside when Dixie called out to her that she could come in. 'Hey Dixie, are you busy?'

'No, not at all, sit down.'

'I know that I haven't talked to you about what happened with Polly. Can I talk to you now?'

'Of course you can. I know that you've been seeing the hospital counsellor, how is it going?'

'It is going well, Ben has been helping me a lot.'

'Good, I am glad to hear that. You look a lot happier than you have in the past few weeks.'

'Treating Polly is the hardest thing that I have done. There was barely any time to think, it is like I was on autopilot. I saw how badly injured Polly was, I knew the bullets had done some serious damage to her internal organs. I wonder if I could have done more, if I could have done something different. Could I have been faster in my treatment of her?' Dixie just let Cyd talk, she needed to work through everything that was on her mind. 'I felt like my hands weren't working properly, it was as if the knowledge of what to do had escaped my mind, it was horrible. I stood at the doors of resus and watched everyone as they worked on Polly. I knew that it was bad, the look on Zoe's face said it all. I couldn't watch after that, I didn't want to see Polly in such a vulnerable state.'

'I'm going to say to you what I said to Hannah. What you did at the scene and in the ambulance on the way to Holby saved Polly's life. She is alive because of you, she has a chance at life because of your actions. I am proud of you, I hope that you know it.' Cyd smiled, talking to Ben and to Dixie had made her feel a whole lot better. 'Thanks Dixie.'

'You're welcome, any time you want to talk, come and find me.'

'I will.' Cyd found herself pulled into a hug, it pleased to her to know that Dixie was proud of her, that she hadn't let her down.

Jeff saw Cyd leaving Dixie's office, he started to make his way over there, he wanted some answers as to why everyone was telling him that there weren't any extra hours for him. He had looked at the rota on the wall, there were definitely a few empty spaces. Jeff knew that Dixie had something to do with it, he knew that she had said something. He went into Dixie's office without knocking, he didn't care if she got mad at him or not. 'Jeff, what's the matter?'

'I want to know why I can't have any extra hours.'

'I don't know mate, I think that they must be full on all of the shifts.'

'Come off it Dixie, I saw that they have a few spaces where nobody is working.'

'All right, I've asked for you not to be given any more hours. Jeff, you're exhausted, working all of these hours will lead to you making a mistake. I don't want you ending up in front of a tribunal, I don't want you to end up losing your job.'

'What business is it of yours?'

'I'm your friend, I'm worried about you. I just want to help you.'

'I don't want your help.'

'You might not want it, but you need it. All of this is eating you up from the inside, if you don't get help then you're going to drown under the weight of it all.'

'You think you have all of the answers, don't you? Perfect Dixie, just wants to help everyone.'

'I want to help you, you're my best friend.'

'You're an interfering bitch.' Dixie looked taken aback at Jeff's words, they had obviously shocked her. 'You've always been the same, can't keep your nose out of anything.'

'What did you just say to me?'

'You heard me, you're an interfering cow, stay out of my business.' Jeff saw that he had unsettled Dixie, he was wondering if he had gone too far, if he was about to incur her wrath.

Dixie felt her resolve waver, she hadn't been expecting Jeff to call her a bitch, he hadn't said anything like that to her in all of the time that they had been friends. She slowly curled her fingers into her palm, she had to stay strong, she had provoke Jeff into getting mad at her. Getting him to open up would be hard, Dixie asked for strength to keep her going through this trial. 'Jeff, getting angry at me won't help you. You're angry at yourself, aren't you? You think that you are to blame for what happened to Polly in the college.'

'Why do you have to bring that up?'

'I don't believe that you have dealt with it. I don't believe that you have worked through everything that you're feeling. I know that you're struggling.'

'So, what, you're going to tell me to go and see a counsellor, go and talk about my feelings with some kind of bloody hippy that will want me to look at bloody pointless pictures.'

'It would help you, it helped Cyd.'

'She's a woman.'

'Oh, so a man can't talk about their feelings with someone?'

'What would you know? You're not an expert on men, you're a bloody lesbian, unless you're the man in the relationship that you have with Hannah.'

'I might not be an expert on men, but I am an expert on you though. You're avoiding your feelings, you think that drinking and working yourself into an early grave is the mature way to deal with this.' Dixie chose to ignore Jeff's comment about her relationship with Hannah.

'You're as bad as Emilie, both of you think that you have the answers, you don't.'

'So, how would you deal with this?'

'Why don't you look at yourself Kathleen, you're the one that sent Polly into the college in the first place. You only sent her in there so your precious Hannah wouldn't be in danger, you didn't go in yourself, you sent a young woman in there to do the job that you should have been doing.'

'Are you blaming me?'

'Got it in one, it is your fucking fault that Polly got shot, it is your fucking fault that she is in a coma.' Dixie felt the colour drain from her face, Jeff blamed her for what had happened to Polly. She just let Jeff walk out of her office, him blaming her for Polly getting injured had hurt her more than any of the names that he could have thrown at her.

Jeff knew that he had done wrong in blaming Dixie for Polly getting hurt, it hadn't been her fault. He felt guilty, he hadn't meant to hurt Dixie like that. It felt to Jeff as if all he did was hurt the people that he cared for. He had been responsible for Polly getting shot, he had said some horrible things to Emilie that had made her cry. Dixie was his latest victim, how could he have blamed her for what happened in the college? How could he have said that she was responsible for Polly getting shot. He wanted to go to Dixie and apologise to her, he wanted to try and make it better. Jeff wasn't sure how he could make it better, he couldn't take back the words that he had said to both Emilie and Dixie. The thought that they were better off without him drifted through Jeff's mind, he just wanted to stop hurting the people that he loved. If he wasn't around then he couldn't hurt them. Jeff closed his eyes as memories from the college flashed before them, the flashbacks were happening more frequently now. He saw some of the students from the college, he saw Polly working and he heard her scream. Jeff wanted the flashbacks to stop, he wanted to numb the pain that his memories caused him, he just wanted it all to stop. He didn't want to feel anything, if only for a little while.

Hannah found Dixie in her office, she was sat in her chair and she was crying, her eyes were red from the tears that had escaped them. 'Dixie, what happened?' Dixie just shook her head and she wiped away some of the tears that had gathered in her eyes. 'Come here my love.' Hannah put her arms around Dixie and she let her cry. 'It's okay, let it all out.' Dixie was clearly distraught, something had obviously happened when Jeff had been in the office earlier. 'It's all right Dixie.'

'No it isn't. Jeff blamed me for what happened to Polly, he said it was my fault.'

'It wasn't your fault Dixie, nobody can blame you.'

'Jeff does. I stopped him from working extra shifts, he called me an interfering bitch and a cow and then said that about Polly.'

'Jeff is angry, he blames himself, he is lashing out at the people closest to him. I am certain that he doesn't mean anything that he said to you today.'

'He sounded like he meant it, he was so angry.'

'Come on Dixie, let's go and get the twins and then we can go home, I'll run you a bath and you can unwind and have an early night.'

'I need to talk to Jeff, I need to know that he doesn't blame me for what happened.'

'Okay, come on Dixie, we'll sort all of this out, don't worry.' Dixie gave Hannah a weak smile, she was very upset over the argument that she'd had with Jeff. Hannah knew that Dixie wouldn't relax until she had cleared the air with Jeff, until she knew that he didn't blame her.

Emilie was sat by herself, it was well past the time that Jeff should have come home, he was either working a double shift or he had gone to the pub. There were times when he forgot to call her and let her know what he was doing. She was very worried about Jeff, was it only a matter of time before she got a call telling her that he had been in an accident? Emilie jumped when the doorbell rang, she wondered if it was another taxi driver bringing a very drunk Jeff home. She opened it to see Dixie and Hannah stood there, Dixie looked sad, she had obviously been crying. 'Come in, is Jeff not with you?'

'No,' Hannah said. 'He had a bit of an argument with Dixie and then he left the station, we don't know where he is now.'

'I know where he is, he'll be in the pub.'

'I'm sorry Emilie,' Dixie said quietly.

'It's all right, it's not your fault.'

'Isn't it?'

'No, it isn't.' Emilie closed the door behind Hannah and Dixie. 'You'll have come to pick up the twins, they've had their usual naps and they have been fed. 'Thanks Emilie.'

'You're welcome, I love the twins, they are wonderful children.' Hannah smiled and Emilie helped her to get Thomas and Elizabeth ready to go home.

Dixie sat in the lounge with Emilie, Hannah had taken the twins home to put them to bed. She was going to wait for Jeff until he came home from the pub, she had to talk to him, had to know that he didn't really believe that she was responsible for what had happened to Polly. It hurt Dixie to think that her best friend blamed her for what had happened. Emilie kept looking at her watch, it was obviously something that she did on a frequent basis. Dixie heard the key scraping in the lock, she held her breath as Jeff staggered his way into the lounge, he had obviously had quite a bit to drink. Maybe now wasn't the best time to talk to him. 'Look who it is.'

'Jeff, I just want to talk to you.'

'Save it, I know you want me to forgive you, I won't, it is all your fault.'

'Jeffrey Collier, you stop this behaviour right now,' Emilie said sharply. 'Dixie is not to blame for what happened. You are wrong for talking to her in such a manner.'

'I see, you have poisoned my woman against me. Just what evil thoughts have you been planting in Emilie's head? You're against me, both of you.'

'I have my own mind, I can think for myself, now sit down before you fall down.' Emilie noticed that Jeff had started swaying on his feet, she was surprised when he did as she asked him to.

Emilie noticed that there was something wrong with Jeff, it was as if he had zoned out on both herself and Dixie. She cautiously moved closer and she noted that Jeff had started breathing quickly as if he was having a panic attack. 'Jeff, what's wrong?' He didn't answer her, he just kept staring straight ahead, it was as if he was alone in the room. Dixie moved to Jeff's other side and she put her hand on his shoulder. 'Jeff, mate, you're having a flashback, it's okay, I'm here and so is Emilie. I know that this feels real to you, but it's not. It's okay, we're with you. Take your time, try and breathe deeply.' Emilie took hold of Jeff's hand in her own, she felt his whole body shaking as he relived something that she couldn't see. 'Dixie, what do we do?'

'We just sit with him, he has to go through this. I know that this is distressing for you mate, I know that this is hard, but we're here with you.' Dixie whispered comforting words as she held Jeff's hand, he slowly started to breathe normally again and his body stopped shaking. 'It's over,' Dixie whispered quietly. Jeff still seemed unaware of his surroundings, he looked dazed and his eyes kept closing.

'It should have been me, I should have been the one it happened to.' Emilie was unsure of if Jeff knew what he was saying or not. She helped Dixie to lie Jeff on his side on the sofa, his breathing had returned to normal and it looked as if he had fallen asleep.

Dixie sat by Jeff's side, she checked his pulse and breathing, they had both returned to almost normal. 'Is he all right?'

'Physically, he is fine. Emotionally and mentally I am not so sure. Jeff has been through a lot, whatever he saw in that flashback clearly affected him.'

'What do we do now?

'We be there when he wants to talk to us, I think that he might open up to us now.'

'He said that it should have been him, that he should have been the one it happened to. What did he mean by that?' Emilie asked as she covered Jeff up with a blanket. 'I don't know, survivor's guilt perhaps. Jeff has come out of the college unharmed while Polly got hurt. I do know one thing, he's going to have a headache in the morning. I'll book some time off for him, he won't have to be in work in the morning.'

'Thanks Dixie, what will you tell them?'

'I'll just say that he is ill, that he has a stomach bug or something.'

'I don't think that he would want anyone to know, perhaps that is wise.'

'Keep me informed on how he is and if you need me to talk to him.'

'I will. How are you going to get home?'

'I'll take a taxi, the twins will be in bed, I don't want Hannah to have to come out and get me.'

'Okay, I'll call you one.' Dixie nodded and she looked at Jeff, no matter what he had said to her today, he was still her friend, she still loved him.

While they were waiting for the taxi, Emilie and Dixie gently woke Jeff up and they helped him upstairs and into bed. He fell back to sleep almost as soon as he was under the covers. Emilie had got herself ready for bed, she didn't feel ready to sleep, she just watched Jeff. The flashback had been frightening to watch, she wanted to reassure herself that Jeff was all right. Emilie listened to Jeff's quiet breathing, he was deeply asleep. She hoped that Jeff would open up to her, that he would let her in, she knew that he needed to talk to someone. Emilie got into the bed, she turned onto her side and then she kissed Jeff on the head. 'I love you, I promise you that we're going to get through this. I'm not going to let you go.' She watched Jeff for a few more minutes and then she tried to sleep, she needed to rest as she had work in the morning

Dixie wearily opened the door to the house, Hannah was waiting for her in the lounge, she went over to her and accepted the hug that was offered to her. 'Is everything all right Dixie?'

'Jeff had a flashback while I was there with him. He looked so scared, I was scared too, it was as if he had left this world for another one. The fear in his eyes was real, he was going through it again.'

'He needs to do this, he needs to heal, it is going to take time.'

'I know, I'm so scared for him Hannah. Jeff is my friend, I should be able to help him.'

'You will help him, when the time is right for you to do so.'

'I hope so,' Dixie whispered quietly.

'The only thing you're doing tonight is going to bed, come on Dixie.'

'Okay.' Dixie let Hannah take her upstairs to their bedroom, she was too tired and too emotionally drained to argue. All she wanted was to get into bed with Hannah and be held by her, she wanted the comfort of cuddling up to her wife and sleeping in her arms.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and ****Sparkles and Rainbows** for your reviews. I really do appreciate your support in writing this emotional story, your comments keep me writing :)  


**Another tough chapter for me to write, I have found this one to be highly emotional. This chapter might be difficult for some people to read, especially due to the situation that is detailed here. If you wish to stop reading then you may do so at any time.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven.**

Jeff awoke to a pounding headache, it sat behind his eyes and he closed them for a few moments to try and get rid of it. He remembered having an argument with Dixie and blaming her for letting Polly go into the college. He felt guilty for what he had said to Dixie, she hadn't done anything wrong, Polly had volunteered to go inside the college. Jeff felt that he was to blame for everything that had happened to Polly, he had failed to protect her, he had let everyone down. He didn't want anyone to help him, he lashed out at anyone that tried to talk to him. Dixie and Emile had both been on the end of his temper, he had said some very horrible things to both of them. Jeff thought that it was a miracle that Emilie was still with him, that she hadn't left him to look after himself. He privately thought that it was what he deserved, he wasn't worthy of being her knight, he was a coward. Jeff felt his headache get worse, he put it down to the alcohol that he had drunk and the stress that he was under. Getting drunk had driven back the flashbacks for a short time, it had stopped working, the flashbacks were more vivid than ever. It felt to Jeff as if he was back in the college, as if it was all happening over again. The sounds of the fire alarm and of the students screaming made their way into his waking life whenever they felt like it. Jeff didn't know when he was going to have a flashback, it only took the slightest trigger to set them off.

It was some time before Jeff realised that he was alone in bed, he looked at the clock and realised that it was late morning, he had slept in, Dixie would be furious with him. He noticed that there was a note from Emilie next to a glass of water and some painkillers. Jeff swallowed the tablets down gratefully, he hoped that they would help to get rid of his headache. He was afraid to read Emilie's note, what if it said that she was leaving him? Even though Jeff had tried to push Emilie away, having her at home with him made Jeff feel better. He would wait until she was asleep and then he would cuddle up to her, her warmth comforted Jeff when the nightmares had woken him up. Jeff slowly sat up, he took a deep breath in and then he picked up Emilie's note. It told him that Dixie had given him the day off, that explained why Dixie hadn't called. It also said that she wanted to talk, Jeff wasn't sure what about, would she tell him that she was leaving him? Was it because she had seen him having the flashback last night? He didn't remember if he had said anything to Emilie and Dixie, the flashback had exhausted him. Jeff rubbed his eyes, he might have slept in, but he was still feeling tired. The constant battle with his emotions had exhausted Jeff, he felt as if he could sleep for a very long time.

Emilie's mind was on Jeff, she had watched him sleep before she left the house for work. He had looked as if he was resting, as if he was sleeping properly for the first time in the weeks that had passed since the day that he had been called out to the college. It had been a testing time for Emilie too, she'd had to endure Jeff's moods and the times that he had lost his temper. He had said some very hurtful things, Emilie tried to remember that Jeff didn't mean the things that he said, that he was suffering through a lot of pain. He was feeling guilty over what had happened to Polly, Emilie saw it whenever she looked at him. She wondered what Jeff meant by that it should have been him that had been shot inside the college. He had said it when he had been coming out of the flashback, had he remembered what happened? If he had, would he open up about his experiences? Emilie vowed not to push Jeff into talking to her, he needed to decide when to talk about what he had been through. She wanted him to talk to someone, whether it was herself, or Dixie, or the counsellor at the hospital. It was clear to Emilie that Jeff needed help, that he needed to work through all of his issues. Working through everything was going to take time, there couldn't be any short cuts. If Jeff was going to heal and come through everything that he was currently going through, he needed to do it properly, he needed to talk, to cry, to face up to the pain and the guilt that was inside of him. Jeff needed to allow himself to be vulnerable in front of people, that would be the hardest part of it all for him.

Jeff sat in the lounge, he'd had a shower after his headache had gone, he'd had some breakfast and walked Little Abs. It was quiet in the house without Emilie, he missed her, he knew that he was going to have to apologise for everything that he had said. Jeff wasn't sure if Emilie wanted to marry him, he hoped that she wanted to, he loved her so very much. He would have to apologise to Dixie as well, he had said some very nasty things to her. The comments that he had made about her relationship with Hannah had been uncalled for. Jeff sighed, he was carrying a lot of guilt, he hadn't been to see Polly, he had left her in the hospital when he should have been by her side. He had promised to protect Polly, to care for her, he was failing on everything that he had promised to do for her. Jeff turned on the television, he hoped that watching something would distract him from thinking about everything that he had failed at. He flicked through the channels and stopped when the news came on, the report was just changing over, the woman started talking about a shooting that had occurred at a school in America. Jeff felt his breathing quicken, he heard the sound of the fire alarm in his mind, he knew that a flashback was on it way. He tried to stop it happening, but it was too late, it was as if he was inside the college all over again.

_The fire alarm is the first thing that I hear, the sound doesn't end, it just goes on and on. I wish that someone would shut it up. I try to concentrate on packing up the bags and making sure that everything is together for when we leave the college. I know that Dixie will kill me if I leave anything behind. Polly is collecting up the used bits of equipment and she puts them into the clinical waste bags. I start to put the bags behind Polly and I turn when I hear her scream, there's no time to react, she moves in front of me as the boy with gun fires. He had been aiming for me, Polly got in the way, the bullets hit her in rapid succession. I just about manage to catch her as she falls forward. 'Polly,' I said quietly. 'Why?' It's all I can say, I think I'm in shock._

_'Better you than me, you have Emilie, you have your children, they need you. I don't have anyone that really needs me.'_

_'That's not true, I need you, the twins need you too.' I move my hand from Polly's back, it has her blood on it, she is bleeding badly from her wounds. All of my training leaves my mind, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help her. I can't think, I can't say anything, I can't do anything. I slowly pick Polly up in my arms, I need to get her to Dixie, she will be able to help her. I walk away from the college, from the police that have just shot the boy with the gun, from the equipment bags that I have left behind. I walk away from the carnage, my only focus is the young woman in my arms, the woman that I promised to protect, the woman that ended up protecting me. I failed her, she is hurt, and it is all my fault. I walk out of the college and into the pale sunlight, Polly needs help, the help that I cannot give to her. I have failed everyone, this is all my fault._

Jeff curled himself up in a ball on the floor, he remembered everything, it was all his fault. If he had been paying more attention, if he had looked around then Polly wouldn't have got hurt. 'It should have been me, I was the one that should have been shot.' The memory that Jeff had been burying was no longer hidden. He felt numb, he was a failure, he had let everyone down. What he had actually done was worse than what he had thought he had done. How could he face everyone now? How could he tell them that the only reason he was alive was because Polly had saved him? How could he tell his friends and Emilie that he had let a young woman take a bullet for him? Jeff felt that he deserved to be called a coward, that he deserved to have everyone he cared for hate him. He hated himself, he felt that he didn't deserve to be alive. Jeff wanted the pain of remembering to go away, he wanted it all to end, he didn't want to feel like the failure he was. He slowly got up off the floor, he knew where he had to go, he knew what he had to do.

Dixie's mind wasn't really on the paperwork that she had been completing, it was on Jeff, she just wanted to help him. Seeing him have the flashback had been quite shocking, he had retreated inside his own mind. It was as if Jeff was no longer there, she had tried her best to comfort Jeff and support him through the flashback. It had hurt her to see Jeff in such a bad way, he was struggling with everything that he was going through. It hurt Dixie to see Jeff in so much pain, she wanted him to open up to her, she wanted to help him through this time. Dixie knew that she would give anything just to see Jeff smile again. She wished that he would agree to see a counsellor, to get the help that he so desperately needed. What Jeff had said had hurt Dixie, she had forgotten it all the moment that Jeff had started having his flashback. All mattered was that she was there for her friend, all that mattered was she did her best to help Jeff through what he was seeing. Dixie admired Emilie's strength, someone else might have abandoned Jeff by now. Emilie had proved herself worthy of being Jeff's partner time and time again, Dixie had warmed to her a great deal. Dixie vowed that she would help Jeff through everything that he was going through. She vowed that she would one day see Emilie and Jeff get married, that her best friend would be happy again. She made a silent promise to be by Jeff's side whenever he needed her.

Jeff found himself by Polly's bedside, he wasn't sure how he had made it to the hospital, how he had made it to Polly's bed in the ICU. He just looked at Polly, she looked so small, so fragile. The nurse had informed him that Polly had made a great deal of progress in the past few weeks, he had barely taken in anything that she had said to him. Jeff sat down and he took a deep breath, he wasn't sure what to say to Polly now that he was here with her. He looked at all of the gifts and the get well cards that were next to Polly's bed. Jeff saw Elizabeth's teddy sat in pride of place, Polly had bought it for her just after the twins had been born. 'Polly, I'm sorry it took me so long to come and see you. I was afraid that you wouldn't want to see me, that you would blame me for what happened in the college. I blame myself, you're here because of me, if you had let him shoot me then you would be awake and well. I should be the one lying here, I should be the one that is at risk of being severely hurt.' Jeff blinked back the tears that were forming in his eyes. 'I'm so sorry princess, I've let everyone down. I've hurt Emilie and Dixie, I've said some unforgivable things to them. I think that you would be ashamed of me if you knew about everything that I have done.' He just sat in silence for a few moments, he waited for Polly to open her eyes and speak to him. Jeff sighed again, he wasn't sure what else that he should say to Polly now that he was sat with her.

Time passed and Jeff just watched Polly, he noticed that her fingers and eyelids moved every so often. 'Polly, you look as if you're asleep, I keep expecting you to wake up at any moment. I want you to wake up, I wish that I could see you smile again, I wish that I could hear you laugh.' It took all of Jeff's strength to keep himself from crying in front of Polly. 'Today, I remembered everything that happened, I'm sorry that you're here, I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry that you've lost some of your life to this coma. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have agreed to let you go in the college with me. I should have told you no, I should have done something, I should have protected you.' Jeff looked at Polly again, she was still and quiet, he wished that she would wake up. 'I want you to wake up, I want you to shout at me, I want you to tell me that you hate me. I know that I deserve it, I know that I have let so many people down. I told Emilie that I didn't want to marry her, I blamed Dixie for you getting hurt. I've said so many unforgivable things, how can I look them in the eye now? I don't deserve their help or their friendship.' Jeff stood up and he gently kissed Polly on the head. 'I know that you're going to wake up soon Pol, I don't want you to blame yourself when you find out what I have done. This is for the best, if I do this then I won't be able to hurt the people that I love, they are better off without me, you're better off without me. Goodbye Polly.' Jeff kissed Polly on the head again and he left the ICU, he had to do this before he changed his mind.

Dixie jumped when someone knocked on her door, she had been thinking about Jeff and how she was going to help him. Hannah put her head around the door, Dixie saw that she looked very pale and as if something was bothering her. 'Hannah, what's wrong, is it Polly?'

'It's Jeff.'

'What is it? What's going on?'

'There's no easy way to tell you this, I'd say sit down, but you already are.'

'You're scaring me, Hannah, what's going on?'

'Jeff is on the roof of the hospital, we think that he is going to jump.'

'How did he get up there?'

'We're not sure, the ICU nurse has told us that he went to visit Polly about half an hour ago.'

'What do I do?'

'He needs you Dixie, I think that he has remembered what happened in the college.'

'I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do.'

'Dixie, he is your best friend, he needs someone to talk him down, you can do this.'

'Can I?'

'Yes. I've called Emilie and she is on her way here.'

'Hannah, what if he jumps, what will I tell Sophia and John?'

'He won't, you're going to help Emilie to talk him down. Jeff needs you both now, he needs your help. I know that you can do this Dixie. You are his best friend, he needs you now, go and be with him. I believe in you.' Dixie tried her hardest to smile, Hannah was right, her best friend needed her, she needed to help him. Dixie needed to get Jeff down off the roof for Sophia and John, they loved their dad and would be heartbroken if he died.

Jeff looked out over Holby, it was peaceful up on the roof, he could barely hear the cars and the noise from the people going about their daily business. He was trying his best not to look down, the drop that was below him scared him. If he looked down then he would lose his courage, he would lose his conviction that this was what he had to do. Jeff knew that people had seen him, there were plenty enough of them around the hospital. He couldn't make out who they were, he didn't care who they were, he just wanted all of the pain to end. If he did this then he couldn't hurt Dixie or Emilie again, he hoped that everyone he loved would forgive him. Jeff's mind turned to Sophia and John, he wanted to talk to them, but he didn't want them to find out how much he had messed up. Sophia and John loved Emilie, if they found out how much he had hurt her, they would be disappointed in him. He didn't want his kids to be disappointed in him, he didn't want to cause them more pain. Jeff thought that he had hurt them enough during the divorce from Lucy, he had let them down enough already. Would Emilie be disappointed in him, would she find someone else to love her? He hoped that she would find someone that deserved her, someone that wasn't a coward.

Dixie and Emilie made their way up onto the roof, they hadn't spoke much in the time it had taken them to get up there. Emilie looked very pale and Dixie noted that her hands were shaking as they walked across the roof to where Jeff was stood. 'Emilie, are you all right?'

'I don't like heights, I've always been afraid of them.'

'Do you want me to go on alone?'

'No, I have to do this, Jeff needs us.' Dixie took hold of Emilie's hand and she squeezed it.

'Together, I won't let you fall Emilie, I promise.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'Come on, let's go and rescue your knight.' Dixie squeezed Emilie's hand again, the poor woman looked terrified, but determined to help Jeff. It had obviously taken Emilie a lot of courage to go up on the roof, Dixie appreciated her bravery. She hoped that with Emilie's help they would be able to talk Jeff down and get him to safety. Dixie didn't want her best friend to end his life in this way, he was suffering and he was alone, Jeff needed to know that people cared for him.

Emilie took a few deep breaths, Dixie was holding her hand, she took strength from it. Being so high up was making Emilie nervous, she avoided heights whenever she had the choice. She didn't have a choice now, she had to be up here, she had to get Jeff down. She loved Jeff, she wouldn't let him jump to his death. Emilie looked at Dixie and they slowly walked over to Jeff, now that she was here, she wasn't sure what she should say to him. 'Just speak from your heart Emilie.'

'Okay, I'll do my best.'

'Of course you will, I know that Jeff loves you, reach out to him, you can get him down.'

'I am glad that you believe in me Dixie.' Emilie smiled at Dixie, she hoped that she would be able to talk Jeff down, that she would be able to get through to him. She slowly walked forward with Dixie, she stopped when she was close to Jeff and then she took a deep breath. 'Jeff, I know that you can hear me, you don't have to say anything, I just want you to listen to me. I think that you remembered what happened in the college, I might be just guessing, but I think that Polly protected you in some way. You feel guilty for being alive and healthy when Polly is lying in a hospital bed.' Emilie chose her words carefully as she spoke, she didn't want to push Jeff off the edge. 'That is why you're up here, isn't it? You think that ending your life will somehow put things right. What will the people that love you do when you're gone? You have people that care for you Jeff; Sophia and John, Dixie and Hannah, Thomas and Elizabeth, Polly, Cyd, me. What will we do when you're no longer here?' Emilie felt tears running down her face. 'I love you Jeff, you might not want me to, you might want me to hate you, but I can't. I love you, seeing you like this breaks my heart. I see that you're in pain, that you're hurting, that you need help.' Emilie closed her eyes and tried to compose herself, she was feeling very emotional as she tried to talk the man that she loved out of trying to end his life.

Dixie realised that she was crying, Emilie's love for Jeff came through in her words. 'Jeff, I remember the day that we met. I remember the first time that I saw your face, the first time that I saw your eyes and your cheeky smile. Those same eyes are now filled with pain and regret, I haven't seen your cheeky smile in weeks, I miss it.' Dixie just let Emilie talk, she hoped that she was getting through to Jeff. 'We've had a lot of firsts in our relationship; our first date, I surprised you by telling you that I am a vegetarian. Our first kiss, it was perfect, I can't describe it any other way. Our first night together, you were a perfect gentleman, you just held me and kept me safe in your arms. The first time you told me that you loved me, the first time that we made love. The night that you proposed to me, it was beautiful, I relive that night from time to time. All of these things are in my memories, I don't want to let you go, I don't want to lose you. I love you Jeffrey Collier, you might not want me to, but I do.' Dixie wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, Emilie's speech reminded her of the way that she felt about Hannah, of the way that she loved her wife. Emilie's words were genuine, Dixie was sure of it. 'I love you, please don't leave me.' Emilie's voice faltered on the last words and she walked towards Jeff, he held her hand out to him. 'Take my hand, please come home with me, let me be your knight, let me save you.' Dixie held her breath, she wondered what Jeff would do, would he move away from the edge?

Emilie waited with her hand held out to Jeff, she hoped that her words had got through to him, that he would take her hand and come away from the edge. She was still nervous, she was still waiting for Jeff to make his decision. Jeff slowly turned around and Emilie saw that he was crying, he put his hand in hers and she stepped back from the edge of the roof. Emilie put her arms around Jeff and he cried into her shoulder, she carefully guided Jeff to the ground and she held him close to her as he broke down completely. 'It's okay, it's okay, just let it all out.' Emilie gently kissed Jeff on the head, she felt his arms move around her and he held onto her. 'Don't leave me,' Jeff said quietly, Emilie almost missed him talking to her.

'I won't leave you, I promise.' She kissed him on the head again and she stroked her hand up and down Jeff's back to comfort him. 'I love you, always, we'll get through this, we'll face it together.' Emilie just held Jeff in her arms, he needed to cry, he needed to let out all of the grief that he had kept inside of him.

Dixie watched Emilie and Jeff, she was about to back away when Emilie looked straight at her. 'Dixie, come here.' She went over to where Emilie was holding Jeff in her arms. 'What do you need?'

'He's going to need you too Dixie, he needs us all.' Dixie understood what Emilie was saying, she put her arms around Jeff and hugged him.

'It's okay mate, I'm here.' Jeff was shaking, he was obviously still crying. 'We've got you, you're not alone.' Dixie put her hand on Emilie's arm. 'I knew that you could do it Emilie, you did brilliantly.'

'Thanks Dixie, will you help me get Jeff home?'

'Of course I will.' Dixie and Emilie hugged Jeff between them until he stopped crying, they helped him up and Dixie wrapped her coat around his shoulders. They slowly helped Jeff inside and away from the roof, the coming months would be hard for them all. Dixie and Emilie vowed to get Jeff the help that he needed, to support him through it all, to let him know that he had people around him that loved him and wanted him in their world.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover, olivia. c. king1 and ****Sparkles and Rainbows** for your reviews. I really do appreciate your support in writing this emotional story, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  


**Shall we see what happens to our characters after the events of the last chapter?  
**

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**Chapter Twelve.**

It had been a long night for Emilie, Dixie and Hannah had helped her take Jeff home after he had been up on the roof. Emilie was grateful that she had been given the chance to talk Jeff down, had it been left to someone else then they might have tried to section him. She was certain that Jeff wasn't mad, being up on the roof was a call for help, he needed someone to help him. Emilie knew that Jeff needed someone to look after him. She'd made some soup for Jeff and made sure that he ate it all, he needed something warm inside of him. After Jeff had eaten, Emilie had made some hot chocolate for herself and Jeff. Once he had drank his chocolate, Emilie put Jeff to bed, she had held him in her arms as he fell asleep. Jeff's experiences throughout the day had exhausted him, he needed to rest, he needed to sleep. As Emilie held Jeff in her arms, she hoped that he would have a restful sleep, that the nightmares would leave him alone. Everything that he had experienced in the college had broken Jeff, he wasn't himself, it would be quite some time before he was himself again. Emilie had watched Jeff for quite some time before she went to sleep herself.

Emilie was sat by Jeff's side, morning had arrived and Jeff was still asleep, she hoped that he would stay asleep, he needed the rest. The enormity of what had happened with Jeff on the roof of the hospital had slowly hit Emilie. She had come so close to losing Jeff, he had been ready to jump, Emilie was sure of it. Jeff had just wanted to end his pain, to end his guilt over what had happened to Polly. She was grateful that Jeff had taken her hand and moved away from the edge, that he had changed his mind about ending his life. The very thought of Jeff hurting himself caused Emilie pain, she wanted to help him find his way out from under his guilt. Emilie loved Jeff, she wouldn't stop loving him, he was hurting and she wanted to help him. She knew that Jeff would need some time to find the courage to talk to someone about everything that he had been through. Emilie knew that she wouldn't leave Jeff, she would be by his side for as long as he needed her to be, she would support him. If Jeff needed someone to go to the counselling sessions with someone then she would go with him, she would do whatever it took to help him get well again. Emilie felt a bit tired, she had woken up several times during the night to check on Jeff, she just wanted to make sure that he was still sleeping and getting the rest that he so desperately needed.

Emilie didn't want to leave Jeff's side, she wanted to be there if he needed her, if he had a nightmare and it woke him up. She occasionally got up to get something to eat or drink, to go to the toilet, or to let Little Abs out into the garden. Most of the time she just sat there and watched Jeff as he slept, he looked peaceful, she hoped that he wasn't dreaming about what had happened in the college. Emilie took hold of Jeff's hand in hers, she stroked the back of it and then kissed him on the head. Watching Jeff made Emilie want to be near him, she slowly lay on the bed and she put her head on Jeff's chest. She rested her hand on Jeff's belly and listened to his breathing and his heartbeat. A moment passed and Emilie felt Jeff's arms move around her body, he obviously knew that she was there with him. She still felt safe whenever Jeff held her in his arms. Emilie loved how warm Jeff's skin was, she had missed cuddling up to him. The dark circles that Jeff had under his eyes from lack of sleep had slowly begun to fade. She gently moved her fingers over Jeff's tattoo, she liked it, it was so him. Emilie smiled as she remembered Jeff telling her that his mum had clouted him round the head when she saw it for the first time. A yawn escaped Emilie's lips and she closed her eyes, she needed to sleep, waking up during the night had tired her out. Jeff's quiet breathing and the steady beat of his heart lulled Emilie to sleep. The warmth of Jeff's arms made her feel comfortable and safe.

Seeing Jeff up on the roof and in so much pain had made Dixie cry, Emilie's words had only made her tears fall faster. She had been about to leave Jeff and Emilie alone when Emilie had called her over. It meant a lot to Dixie that Emilie thought that Jeff would need her, that she was still part of Jeff's life. Being in work had given Dixie a chance to book Jeff an appointment with the counsellor. She had made it for in a couple of days time, Dixie thought that Jeff and Emilie would need some time to be with each other and talk. A call to the trust had earned Jeff a few weeks off work, they agreed with her that it sounded as if he had post traumatic stress disorder and had given him three weeks off work at full pay. They would review Jeff's case with feedback from the counsellor and see if he was ready to come back to work when his leave was over. Dixie knew that the time off would help Jeff, he needed time to recover from his experiences. She had called Jeff and Emilie and left a message when they didn't answer, she hoped that they were sleeping, they'd had a tough night. It would do both Jeff and Emilie good to get some rest. The twins were at the nursery and Lawrence would pick them up afterwards, he wasn't working, he had agreed to look after them when he found out what had happened at the hospital. Emilie needed the time to be with Jeff and look after him, she couldn't do that if the twins were there.

Dixie was looking out of the window when Hannah opened the door to the office and she put a cup of coffee down on her desk. 'I thought that you could use this.'

'Do I look that tired?'

'I know that you like a coffee from time to time, I have chocolate for you too.'

'So it's not because I look like I haven't slept?'

'You look beautiful Dixie, you always do, you know that you're beautiful to me.'

'I know, you are beautiful to me too Hannah. Can I have a hug?'

'Of course you can.' Dixie stepped into Hannah's open arms and she rested her head on her wife's shoulder. 'Are you all right Dixie?'

'Could I have done something to help Jeff sooner, could I have stopped him from getting up on the roof? He is my mate, how did I let it get so bad?'

'I don't think that there is anything you could have done Dixie, he was determined to keep everyone away from him. Jeff had a massive brick wall around him, not even Emilie could break through it.'

'I know, I just wish that it hadn't come to Jeff standing on a roof and thinking about ending his life.'

'In all honesty, I don't think that Jeff wanted to end his life, not really anyway, he just wanted someone to help him.'

'I hope that is all it is, if he does it again then Emilie might not be able to talk him down again.'

'Emilie is a good woman, she is strong, just like you.' Hannah smiled at Dixie and she gently brushed some hair behind Dixie's ear. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' Dixie closed her eyes and she leaned into Hannah's embrace.

The only sound in Dixie's office came from the clock as it ticked to mark the passing of another second. Hannah looked at Dixie, at the woman she was in love with. 'You're a special woman, Dixie Dixon, you do your best for everyone that you love.'

'I like it when you call me that, nobody else is allowed to call me that. Am I really that special?'

'You are, everything that we have been through is so worth it. I know that there people that said we wouldn't last, that said two women couldn't possibly fall in love with each other.'

'What do they know?'

'Exactly, I fell in love with you Dixie, I won't let anyone say that I don't love you.'

'I fell in love with you too Hannah, I know my own heart, I know that I love you.'

'I know you do, I also know that you did your very best for Jeff. Did he really ask you if you were the man in our relationship?'

'He did,' Dixie said and laughed quietly. 'I can see the funny side of it now.'

'Of course you can. I know you're not a man Dixie, your curves prove that.'

'I'm glad to hear it.' Dixie lifted her head and she looked into Hannah's eyes, they just looked at each other, the love that they had for each other was clear for anyone to see. Hannah slowly lowered her head until her lips brushed against Dixie's, she gently kissed her and closed her eyes as Dixie kissed her back. The kiss that Hannah and Dixie shared slowly increased in passion and intensity, they lost themselves in each other, taking comfort from the physical contact that they had with each other.

A few moments passed and Dixie softly ended the kiss. 'I remember the first time that I kissed you in this office, my beautiful Hannah.

'I remember it too, our first kiss, look where we are now.'

'I know, married with two beautiful children.'

'Oh, that reminds me. I read something in the paper today, the government have passed a bill to make same sex marriage legal, not just a civil partnership like it is now. If we wanted to then we could convert our civil partnership to marriage.'

'Oh, what would we have to do?'

'I'm not sure, there's plenty of time to find out though.'

'Yeah, once Polly is out of her coma and Jeff is on the mend then we can think about it.'

'I think it would cheer everyone up. I know that we already view ourselves as married, that we promised our lives to each other, it would be nice to be legally married though.'

'I'd like it too, I don't see why we shouldn't do it, I think we've earned it.'

'I do too.' Dixie smiled, being legally married to Hannah would make her happy, it would make all of their friends happy too, she hoped that they would be able to do it as soon as possible.

Jeff slowly opened his eyes, he closed them again when the light streamed into them through the curtains, he remembered everything that had happened yesterday. He opened his eyes again and let them adjust to the daylight. Jeff remembered seeing Polly in the ICU and then going up to the roof. A lot of what had happened then was in a blur for Jeff, he remembered Emilie talking to him and everything that she had said. Jeff saw himself breaking down in Emilie's arms, Dixie hugging him from behind and supporting him as they walked away from the roof. He remembered the comfort that being in Dixie's and Emilie's arms brought him, the realisation that he wasn't alone made Jeff feel a bit better. He still felt guilty, he wondered if he could have done something to stop Polly getting hurt. His emotions had taken a battering, everything had gone so wrong. Jeff felt guilty about everything that he had said to Emilie and Dixie, he had hurt them with his words and they had still helped him out when he needed it the most. Jeff took a deep breath, standing on the roof and looking down at the drop had terrified him. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to jump, if he would have been able to end his life or not.

When Jeff came out of his daydream he looked down and noticed that Emilie was lying on his chest, she was dressed so she had obviously got up earlier on. He wondered what had made her come back to bed and cuddle up to him like she was doing. Looking at Emilie made Jeff notice that she looked as if she hadn't had enough sleep. Emilie's skin was pale, she only ever looked pale when she was tired or a bit under the weather. Jeff didn't want to wake her just yet, she needed to rest, he hoped that sleeping would help Emilie feel better. He gently put one hand on Emilie's head, her skin didn't feel like she had a temperature. Jeff was grateful that Emilie hadn't been crying, he had been the cause of too many of her tears lately. He cradled Emilie close to him, he loved her, needed her, he hoped that he wouldn't lose her. Jeff kissed Emilie's head and he stroked her hair, he had missed being with her. He just watched Emilie as she woke up, he didn't say anything, he just wanted to watch her and reassure himself that she was real, that she was still with him. 'Jeff, how long have you been awake?'

'Not long.'

'Do you want to get up and have something to eat?'

'Can we stay here?'

'Okay.'

'Do you still want to be with me? I know that I've put you through so much. If this was a programme on the television then this would be where you gave me your ring back.'

'Life isn't like it is on television, a relationship is based on more than just physical gratification and hearts and flowers. A relationship in real life can be hard work, it takes two people working together to make the relationship happen, to make it a success.'

'Not every relationship has a person that goes up to a roof and thinks about jumping off.'

'Did you really want to jump?' Jeff stayed silent, he wasn't sure how to answer Emilie's question.

Emilie saw that Jeff was thinking about her question, she wanted to give him some time to work out his answer. She understood that it was important that she didn't push him into talking to her, he needed to talk to her in his own time. 'Honestly, when I got up there, the drop terrified me. I thought about if it went wrong, if I survived, would I be paralysed, would I be left to live as some sort of sick joke? Could I condemn you to a life of looking after me? I thought I was so certain, that I deserved to die, but I was scared, I couldn't do it.'

'It's okay to be scared, we all get scared from time to time. I was scared yesterday, I was afraid of being so high up, I was afraid that I would lose you, that my words wouldn't be able to help you.'

'Thank you for coming to get me, I appreciate it, it means that you love me.'

'Of course I love you, I will always be there when you need me Jeff.'

'Do you want me to talk about what happened in the college?'

'Not unless you want to, if you think you are ready then talk about it.'

'I don't know if I can, I don't know if I'm ready for you to know just yet.'

'Then wait, you will know when you are ready to talk to me about it.'

'Emilie, do you think less of me because of what I did yesterday, because I broke down and cried?'

'Of course not, crying is healthy, we all need to cry from time to time. You've been through a lot. You can cry on my shoulder and in my arms whenever you need to.' Emilie looked into Jeff's eyes, they contained a lot of sadness. 'You've had it tough, don't be so hard on yourself, you need time to heal and get through all of this. I am going to help you. I've organised some time off work so that I can spend some time with you.'

'You don't have to do that.'

'I do, my boss has told me that I have to use up my holidays or I will lose them. I can't think of a more worthy cause than the man I love.'

'I have to go to work though, I have a job to do.'

'Don't worry about it, Dixie will have talked to the trust about getting you some time off.'

'Will she have made me an appointment with the counsellor?'

'She said that she was going to, if you don't want to go then I can get her to postpone it.'

'I think that I need to go, that I need to talk to someone, I need to sort my head out.'

'Okay, I am with you every step of the way. I am proud of you for taking this first step Jeff.'

'What if I have another flashback?'

'Then I will be here, we will work through them together.' Emilie kissed Jeff on the head, she was very proud of him for admitting that he needed help.

Silence descended over Emilie and Jeff's bedroom, it gave Jeff some time to reflect on everything that had just happened. 'Emilie, will you marry me?'

'Haven't you asked me that already?'

'I know, but after what I said to you, I thought that I should ask you again.'

'Oh, I see. Of course I will marry you, my answer hasn't changed.'

'That's good, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me Emilie.'

'That's sweet, am I really?' Jeff nodded and Emilie smiled at him. 'I am glad that I found you Jeff.'

'Emilie, I love you.'

'I love you too.' Jeff stroked his finger down the side of Emilie's face, he gently touched her lips with his thumb and then he kissed her. It was just a gentle push and he pulled back after a few seconds. Emilie smiled, she rested her head against Jeff's chest and she let him hold her close. Emilie knew that Jeff had a long way to go until he was himself again, she was happy that he had taken the first steps on his journey. Talking to the counsellor would be difficult for Jeff, he needed to go through it all, he needed to talk to someone that would be able to help him. Emilie looked up at Jeff, she loved him, she would help him through his difficult time.

Cyd was taking her turn sitting with Polly, Dixie and Hannah had visited her and then they had gone home to put the twins to bed. It was quiet in the ICU, Cyd was holding Polly's hand and she was reading to her from a Harry Potter book. She finished the chapter and then she put the book down on the bed. 'We're almost at the end of the last book Polly, I think I'll start with the first book again. Would you like that? I've enjoyed reading to you Polly.' Cyd looked down when she felt Polly squeeze her hand. 'Polly, can you hear me? If you can hear me then squeeze my hand again.' Cyd felt the same small squeeze on her hand when she used Polly's name. 'I'm just going to tell the nurse what has happened, I'll be back soon.' Cyd got up from her chair and she went over to the nurse that was on duty, she filled her in on what she had just felt Polly do. She hoped that it meant that Polly had begun to wake up from the coma that had kept her asleep for so long. The doctor asked Cyd to wait outside while they checked Polly over, she wasn't going to phone anyone until she knew what was happening with Polly, until she knew that Polly was really waking up. Cyd didn't want to get their hopes only to disappoint them if the doctor said that Polly wasn't waking up. She wondered how long the doctor would take to establish if Polly was coming out of her coma.

The doctor came over to Cyd and she looked up at him. 'How is Polly?'

'We have done some tests on Polly, she has shown reaction to external stimulus. I am certain that she can hear people talking to her and giving her commands.'

'Does that mean she is waking up?'

'Her GCS has increased to 14, I do think that it will only be a matter of time before Polly is fully conscious and back with us.'

'Will Polly be all right when she wakes up, will she be paralysed?'

'We're not sure, we will have to run some more tests when Polly is back with us. She has a long way to go once she wakes up. The developments that we have seen in Polly's condition are positive.'

'Thank you for telling me.'

'You're welcome.' The doctor left Cyd and went back into the ICU. The news that Polly had started to wake up had made Cyd smile, it had been so long since they'd had some good news. Cyd hoped that the news would give everyone a bit of a boost, especially Jeff, he'd had such a rough time. Cyd pulled out her phone, she was pleased that she had some good news to share with all of her friends.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and ****Sparkles and Rainbows** for your reviews. I've had this chapter since yesterday, due to the server being down I haven't been able to post it until now. Thank you for your support, enjoy the chapter and a Merry Christmas to you all :) x  


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**Chapter Thirteen.**

From the moment that Cyd had found out that Polly was waking up, her friends had banded together and created a rota for them all take it in turns to sit with her so that she wouldn't be alone. They all wanted her to have someone familiar by her side when she woke up. It was highly likely that Polly would be a bit disorientated and confused when she first opened her eyes after being in a coma for so long. Having a friend by her side would make the waking up process easier for Polly. Emilie and Dixie had encouraged Jeff to sit with Polly from time to time, they thought that it would help him to see her improving and getting closer to waking up. Dixie had sat with Jeff and Polly whenever she could, Emilie had joined him all of the other times. They thought that it was best if Jeff had someone by his side as he sat with Polly, if he needed to talk about anything then someone was with him. Most of the time Jeff sat by Polly's side and held her hand in his, sometimes he talked and other times he just sat in silence. Emilie was proud of Jeff for having the courage to sit with Polly and work through his demons over what had happened in the college. Jeff had had a flashback or two since he'd ended up on the roof, he was managing to work through them with Emilie's help. His first appointment with the counsellor had been scheduled for in a few days time, Jeff was determined to get himself well again for Emilie's sake. He wanted to be well enough so that he could make her his wife. Jeff wanted to marry Emilie, he wanted to be the man that she deserved.

The day had started in quite an ordinary fashion for Emilie and Jeff, they had taken Little Abs out for a walk through the park. Emilie hoped that the exercise and the fresh air might help Jeff to feel better about things. She took time to listen to Jeff when he needed to talk to her, if he didn't want to talk then she just held him or sat with him as he worked through his thoughts and feelings. Emilie knew that Jeff needed time to deal with the things that he had been through, he needed someone that he could rely on to help him through. She gently stroked the petals of the flowers that Jeff had bought her, it was his way of apologising for his moods and all of the arguments that had happened. Emilie was still stroking the petals and thinking when she felt Jeff's arms snake around her waist. She put her hands on top of Jeff's as he rested his head against her shoulder. 'Emilie?'

'What is it?'

'Come upstairs with me.' Jeff held his hand out to Emilie and she put hers in it, she followed Jeff upstairs and into the bathroom. Emilie saw that Jeff had run a bath for them both, it was obvious that he wanted her company, he wanted her to get in it with him. Jeff closed the door behind them both, he had put two towels to one side ready for when they got out of the bath. Emilie had got used to Jeff asking her to sit with him, it was his way of asking for her help, Jeff found it hard to ask her directly. She was happy that Jeff was coming to her for support, that he had found a way to ask her to be with him when he needed it.

A few moments passed as Emilie and Jeff slowly undressed each other in the quiet of the bathroom. They put their clothes to one side and Emilie looked up at Jeff, he looked as if he had gone into his own little world. Emilie recognised that Jeff had gone into one of his flashbacks, she stayed by his side and whispered comforting words to him until he blinked a few times. 'Jeff, it's okay, I'm here,' Emilie said quietly, and she put her hand on Jeff's arm, he jumped and Emilie stroked her fingers over the skin on his upper arm. 'I was there again, I was back in the college, it was all happening again, I could see and hear it all.'

'It's not happening again, you're here with me, it is just us. We're in our house, okay?' Jeff took a couple deep breaths to calm himself down.

'Yeah, this is our house, I'm not in the college.'

'That's good, you're safe here, you're with me. Your flashback didn't last so long this time.'

'I know, I just want them to stop Emilie, I just want to be myself again.'

'I know you do, that is what the counselling is for, you're doing so well, I am so proud of you.' Emilie pressed a kiss to Jeff's forehead and she put her arms around him. She stroked Jeff's head and held him close to her. 'I love you, come on, come with me.' Emilie got into the bath and she took Jeff with her, she lay back and put her arms around Jeff as he cuddled up to her. It had taken a lot for Jeff to be vulnerable in front of her, she admired his courage and wanted to be there for him. 'Jeff, I will always be there for you, no matter what.'

'I know you will be,' Jeff whispered, Emilie smiled and she traced little patterns over the skin on his back. She knew that Jeff had a long way to go before he was totally better. It was going to be a long journey, Emilie would be there for Jeff when he needed her. She would give him hugs and comfort him whenever he needed her to, she wouldn't let him be alone.

The hot water soothed the tension from Jeff's body, he closed his eyes, the sensation of Emilie's warm skin against his own and her arms around his body gave Jeff comfort. He just wanted to be held, he needed to be held by someone. Being held by Emilie gave him some respite from the flashbacks and the memories of what had happened in the college. The news that Polly was starting to come around made Jeff happy, he was apprehensive too, what if she was paralysed? What if her life had been ruined because of what had happened inside the college? 'Emilie, do you think that Polly will be paralysed?'

'I don't know, I can't say, I am hoping that she won't be.'

'If she is then it will be my fault.'

'Of course it isn't your fault.'

'Polly protected me, she stepped in front of me when she saw the boy going to shoot me.'

'Okay, it doesn't mean that it is your fault.'

'I should have been the one protecting her.'

'I know you Jeff, you're a protective man, you want to look after the people you love. Have you ever considered that Polly felt the same, that she just wanted to protect you?'

'Polly told me that she did it because she doesn't have anyone that needs her.' Emilie just let Jeff talk, he was opening up to her and she wanted him to carry on doing so. 'I forgot how to help Polly, I forgot how to treat her, I let her down, I let you down.' Emilie held Jeff close to her, he needed comfort and love, he needed someone to hold him close. 'You haven't let anyone down Jeff, it was a terrible situation, you're only human. Many people would have reacted the way that you did. I think that I would have reacted the way that you did.'

'How do you know?'

'I don't, not for certain.'

'I should have done something more, I should have helped Polly, I let everyone down.' Emilie hugged Jeff as tears fell silently from his eyes and onto her skin. 'It's okay my love, it's okay, I'm here, I love you.' Emilie let Jeff cry, he needed to cry as part of his healing process, as part of dealing with everything that he had been through.

Hannah sat back in the seat that she had placed by Polly's bed when she first arrived, she had been singing to her and reading to her during the times that she sat with her. The nurses had let her bring her acoustic guitar in and play to Polly once or twice. 'Polly, I think that you can hear me now, I have something to tell you. Dixie and I have decided to convert our civil partnership to marriage when it becomes law in a few months time. I don't know what we're going to do yet, I suppose that we will have a little bit of a party to celebrate.' Hannah smiled at the thought of being able to say that she was married to Dixie. 'I already think of Dixie as my wife, she thinks of me in the same way. It is about time that gay people have the same right to marry the person that they love as straight people. I love Dixie and she loves me, I think that you knew that already though.' It was a few minutes before Hannah spoke again. 'Being with Dixie has made me happy, I don't know how anyone can be against two people loving each other. Is it because we're of the same sex? Should it matter to anyone else? I love Dixie and our children, that is all I need to know.' Hannah gently stroked Polly's hand as she held it. 'The twins miss you Polly, they want their auntie back again.' She felt Polly squeeze her hand, mentioning the twins often got a reaction from Polly, they meant the world to her. 'We all miss you Pol, the station isn't the same without you.' Polly squeezed Hannah's hand again, it gave Hannah hope that Polly was closer to coming around.

Words were beginning to make sense to Polly, she'd been hearing people coming and going from her bedside for a few days. She'd begun to recognise the nurses that checked her over when they worked their shifts. Having her friends coming to visit had been a source of comfort to Polly, they cared about her, she knew it from the way they talked to her. Polly realised that she could squeeze their hands, she used it to let them know that she could hear them. She wished that she could open her eyes, that she could see her friends again. Hannah and Dixie talked about the twins a lot, hearing about how they were growing up had made Polly smile. She wished that she could see the twins again, that she could hold them in her arms. The way that her friends talked confused Polly sometimes, it sounded as if they had been visiting her for weeks, surely she had only been unconscious for a day or so. Polly had heard Hannah perfectly, the news that Hannah and Dixie would be converting their civil partnership to full marriage made Polly happy. She squeezed Hannah's hand to let her know that she could hear her, that she was coming back to them, that she was waking up. Polly wanted to be back with her friends, she wanted to spend time with them all once again. She sensed that they had all been very worried about her.

It was almost the end of Hannah's time with Polly, she made sure that she had put everything away that she had brought with her. 'Polly, it almost time for me to go home, Dixie is coming to get me with the twins. I hope that you wake up soon, then Elizabeth and Thomas can come and see you when you are a bit better. I know that you wouldn't want them to see you like this.' Hannah looked at her watch, Dixie would be waiting for her outside. 'I'll see you soon Pol, the nurses will take good care of you until we can visit you again tomorrow.'

'Hannah.' Polly's voice was quiet, but Hannah had definitely heard her name, she looked at Polly closely and saw her eyes opening and closing rapidly. Polly's eyes stayed open after a few seconds, she looked around at her surroundings. 'Polly, hey, welcome back.'

'What happened to me, why am I in hospital?'

'That's not important right now, I'm just going to let the nurse know that you're awake.'

'Don't leave me.'

'Okay, I won't, I promise.' Polly sounded afraid and confused, Hannah pressed the button by Polly's bed to alert the nurses to the fact that she needed someone to come to her. When the nurse came over to the bed Hannah smiled at her. 'Polly's awake, she woke up a few moments ago.'

'I will inform the doctor that is on duty, I won't be long.' Hannah stroked Polly's hair to calm her down, she was still a bit disorientated and scared.

'It's okay Polly, the nurses and the doctors here have been taking good care of you. Everyone has been visiting you and wanting to know how you are. You have a lot of presents and cards from people in the hospital.'

'How did I get here?' Polly's voice was gaining strength as time went on, she looked up at Hannah. 'Please tell me, I want to know.'

'You were hurt on a shout, you should focus on getting better though.' The doctor came over to the bed and Hannah squeezed Polly's hand before she left the doctor to his work.

Hannah waited in the waiting room outside of the ICU, she was happy that Polly was awake, she hadn't been sure what she should tell Polly about what had happened to her. The thought that Dixie would be waiting for her popped into Hannah's mind again, she took out her phone and called her. Dixie answered the phone almost instantly. 'Hannah, you haven't come out of the hospital yet, what's wrong?' The worry in Dixie's voice was evident for Hannah to hear. 'It's okay, Polly woke up as I was about to leave, the doctor and the nurse are with her now.'

'Really, she's awake, right now? Is she okay?'

'She's disorientated, a bit scared, she wanted to know what happened to her.'

'What did you tell her?'

'That she had been injured on a shout, I didn't go into detail.'

'I think that is a good idea, she has only just woken up after all.'

'I thought that it might have upset Polly if she knew what had happened to her. She has only just woken up after being in her coma, she is going to need time to get better.'

'You're right there.'

'I'll be down as soon as I can.'

'Don't worry, take your time, I'll take Elizabeth and Thomas in to see everyone.'

'All right, see you soon Dixie.'

'See you soon beautiful.' Hannah ended the call and she continued to wait for the doctor to come out and tell her that she could go back in and see Polly.

It was a long twenty minutes before the doctor came out to see Hannah, she wanted to know that Polly was going to be all right, that she would stay awake. 'How is Polly?'

'She is a bit on the disorientated side, that is quite normal for someone that has just come out of a coma. Polly has been made comfortable by the nurses.'

'Does she know what happened to put her in hospital?'

'Not yet, it might be best if it comes from someone that she is close to.'

'Does she know that she might be paralysed?'

'I thought it best that Polly is kept from that knowledge until we know for certain.'

'Okay, when will we know?'

'I have organised an MRI scan for Polly tomorrow morning, that will tell us if there has been any damage to Polly's spine.'

'Thank you, can I see Polly?'

'For a few minutes, she does need to rest.'

'Okay.' Hannah followed the doctor back into the ICU, she really wanted to see Polly.

Polly smiled when she saw Hannah come back in and sit by her bed. 'Hello again Polly, the doctor has said that I can see you for a few minutes before I have to leave you to rest. I am so glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?'

'Tired, it sounds strange to say that. They told me that I have been in a coma for almost a month. I can hardly believe it, it feels as if it has only been days.'

'I will let everyone know that you're awake, everyone will be very pleased.'

'I will be pleased to see everyone too.' Hannah put her hand on top of Polly's.

'We'll come and see you, just as we have been doing all the time that you have been asleep.'

'I heard you all talking to me from time to time, it is nice to know that I am not alone.'

'Of course you're not alone, we are all here with you.'

'I'm tired, will you stay with me until I fall asleep?'

'Of course I will.'

'Thank you Hannah.'

'You're my partner and my friend, I'll always be here when you need me.' Polly smiled and closed her eyes, Hannah stroked her thumb across the back of Polly's hand. 'Goodnight Pol, I'll see you tomorrow,' Hannah said and she quietly left the ICU to go and find Dixie.

Dixie stood up when Hannah came into the rec room in the ambulance station, she went over to Hannah and she hugged her wife. 'Hannah, is Polly all right? What did the doctor say to you?' Hannah filled Dixie in on everything that the doctor had said to her.

'We can see Polly tomorrow once she has had some rest.'

'We will have to hope that she isn't paralysed.'

'I know, I haven't told Polly that she might be paralysed, I thought it best that we wait until we know one way or another once they have done the MRI scan.'

'I agree. We really need some good news on that front, Polly waking up is great news, I just hope that we have been lucky and Polly has escaped any damage to her spine from the bullet.'

'I hope so too.' Hannah sat on the sofa next to Elizabeth, the little girl climbed into her lap and Hannah gave her a hug.

'Mama.'

'I love you, my beautiful little girl.' Hannah put her arm around Thomas and she hugged him. 'Love you too, my little man.'

'Come on beautiful, let's get the twins home and then we can tell everyone the good news.'

'Good idea.' Dixie and Hannah picked up their bags and made sure that they had everything that belonged to the twins. They took the twins to the car and then drove home, Polly was on their mind, they hoped that they would get some more good news tomorrow. Dixie and Hannah were certain that the news of Polly waking up would be welcomed by all of their little family and it would make them all so very happy.

Emilie sat at the table with Jeff, Dixie had just told them the news that Polly had woken up. Jeff had gone very quiet when he found out. 'Jeff, are you okay?'

'I don't know, Polly is awake, what if she hates me? What if she blames me for what happened in the college? What if she doesn't want to see me?'

'Polly isn't going to hate you Jeff, she protected you. I know that Polly loves you like a father, it was the reason that she went into the college with you.'

'They will find out if Polly is paralysed or not tomorrow, I don't know what I will do if she is.'

'She might not be, there is every hope that the bullet didn't do enough damage.'

'What if it did?'

'I know that this worries you Jeff, I know that you are scared that Polly will be paralysed. We have to have faith that everything will turn out for the best.'

'Yeah, I know. I wonder if Polly remembers what I said to her before I went to the roof.'

'Only Polly can answer that, it is possible that she might remember.'

'I hope that she doesn't, I don't want her to know what I almost did.'

'There's no shame in it Jeff, you have been under a lot of stress.'

'Polly needs time to recover, if she doesn't remember then I don't want her to know. I want Polly to focus on herself instead of me.'

'I won't tell Polly, I agree that she needs time to recover. Have you thought what you're going to do if Polly remembers you going to see her?'

'No, I haven't.'

'It's okay, you have time for that.' Emilie saw the worry on Jeff's face, she wished that she could help him stop worrying.

Jeff went into the lounge, his thoughts and feelings were a little bit on the mixed up side, he wasn't sure what to think. He sensed that Emilie had sat next to him and she had rested her head on his chest. Jeff put his arm around Emilie and he looked down at her, she was playing with the gold chain that was around his neck. He watched her fingers moving over the metal, she often played with his chain when they watched films together. It had taken him some time to get used to Emilie playing with his chain, he liked it though, there were times when her fingers would gently brush against his skin. Emilie was watching Beauty and the Beast again, Jeff used the time to just look at her and hold the woman that he was in love with. Jeff was grateful that Emilie was with him, that she hadn't left him by himself. He was happy that Dixie was still friends with him too, her friendship meant everything to him. He closed his arms around Emilie and kissed her head, he hoped that he could get through seeing Polly and finding out if she was paralysed or not with Emilie and Dixie by his side.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and ****Sparkles and Rainbows** for your generous reviews and Christmas wishes. I hope you all enjoyed your celebrations, got lovely presents and ate lots of chocolate :)  


**Are you ready for the results of Polly's scan? I sincerely hope that I have done this chapter justice, I should probably post a squish warning too :)**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen.**

Time passed very slowly as Cyd, Hannah, Dixie, Emilie, and Jeff waited anxiously in the waiting room of the ICU. Dixie had received a call to tell her that the results of Polly's MRI scan were in and being reviewed by the doctor. She had gathered everyone together and brought them all to the waiting room, Emilie had brought Jeff to the hospital, they all waited in silence for the results. The nerves of the people in the room were obvious to anyone that even walked past them for a moment. Dixie looked around at all of her friends; Jeff was staring into space, she saw the worry in his eyes. The waiting was obviously very hard for Jeff, he was worried about what the results would show. If Polly was paralysed then the guilt would be terrible for Jeff, he would blame himself for everything that had happened. Dixie was very worried that it would set Jeff back, he had come very far in the past few days. Emilie was looking at Jeff, she looked worried too, it was clear for anyone to see. Cyd and Hannah both looked as if they were daydreaming, treating Polly had been hard for them both. It was down to them both that Polly had made it to Holby alive with a chance of survival during the operation that she'd needed. Dixie hoped with everything that she had that Polly wouldn't be paralysed, that the result would go their way. Polly would be devastated if she was paralysed, she loved being a paramedic, finding out that she wouldn't be able to do her job would hurt her. Dixie found herself hoping even harder that the results of the MRI scan would be positive, that they would have some happy news and something to smile about for once. She took a deep breath, she hated waiting for anything, especially something as important as this. Dixie hoped that the doctor would come and see them soon.

There were plenty of times when Dixie thought back to the day that she had let Polly go into the college, she felt guilty about the decision that she had made, it may have cost Polly her mobility and the job that she loved to do. That one choice may have changed Polly's life for good, what would she do if she was paralysed and couldn't be a paramedic? Dixie often wished that she had gone in herself, everything would have turned out differently if she had. The trust wanted regular reports on Polly's condition and any improvements that she made. Every time that Dixie had had to tell them that there had been no change had made her very sad. The fact that Polly was awake had given Dixie reason to be happy and sad in the same measure, she needed to know if Polly was paralysed before she celebrated anything. She had filed a report with the trust about Polly's change in condition as soon as she got into work that morning, they had asked for more information as soon as she got it. The waiting was beginning to get to Dixie, it couldn't possibly take so long to look over a report from one scan. She wanted to know one way or the other. Had the doctor already told Polly the result? Did she already know the hand that fate had dealt her? Dixie hoped that if the result was bad that the doctor would let Polly have someone by her side when he told her, she would need a friend with her and holding her hand. She didn't want her to be alone, Polly would need support to deal with the result of the MRI scan if things hadn't gone her way. Dixie sighed, why hadn't anyone come to see them yet?

Hannah reached over and she put her hand on top of Dixie's to stop her fiddling with her nails, it was something that she did when she was nervous. She gave Dixie's hand a quick squeeze and traced little patterns over the skin of palm to calm her down. A lot of their discussions when they had gone to bed had been around Polly, Dixie blamed herself, she sometimes went over everything that she had done the day of the shootings. Their discussion usually came back to decision of letting Polly go into the college, Hannah knew that Dixie needed closure, she needed to know the result of the MRI scan. The only thing that Hannah could do to help Dixie was hold her hand and be there for her. The weight of Dixie's head rested on Hannah's shoulder, they didn't need words, they just needed each other. Hannah looked down at Dixie, she had her eyes closed and looked as if she was trying to relax. Waiting for the result was getting to Dixie, it was obvious in the way that she was trying to distract herself. A quick look around the room told Hannah that her friends weren't doing much better than Dixie was. The tension in the room was rising as time went on, everyone was on edge and very nervous. She wondered how her dad was doing, he would have been with them but he was working, she had left him a message and would do so again once she knew for certain what the result of Polly's scan was.

The temperature in the room seemed to be going up, Jeff wiped his hand across his forehead, the waiting was the worst part. The result from Polly's scan would either say that she was paralysed or that she wasn't. He didn't want her to be paralysed, she was too young for that. Polly had the whole of her life ahead of her. Why had she got in the way, why hadn't she left him to be shot by the boy? He had had most of his life, it wouldn't matter if he had been paralysed by the bullet. Jeff privately wished that Polly had left him to get shot, that she hadn't got in the way. If she had done that then she wouldn't have been shot, wouldn't have nearly died on the operating table, wouldn't have lost weeks of her life to a coma. He wondered if he had been paralysed, would Emilie look after him, would she have stayed with him, would she have still married him? Jeff didn't want to ask her those questions, he was afraid of the answers. He didn't doubt that Emilie loved him, he wondered if her love for him would survive if it was seriously tested. Would she still love him if she'd had to become his carer, if she had to spend every moment of her life caring for his every need? Would she still love him if they could no longer make love to each other, if he couldn't give her children? Jeff looked at Emilie as she sat next to him and at the ring that he had given her, could he ask her the questions that he had in his mind? Jeff decided that he wouldn't ask Emilie those questions right now, he didn't have the confidence, he needed time to prepare himself for her answers. The questions that had crept into his mind weren't going away, he tried to shut them out, there were other things to think about first.

Jeff was the subject of Emilie's scrutiny, she had been watching him since they had arrived at the hospital and joined the others in the waiting room. The look of worry was evident on his face, she knew that he was thinking about Polly and if she had any permanent damage to her spine. Emilie was worried that if the MRI scan showed Polly to be paralysed then it might set Jeff back. She didn't want Jeff to go back to the desperate state of mind that he had been in when he had gone up to the roof of the hospital. Emilie was unsure if she could talk Jeff down again, if she could say the right things to him again. The memories that Emilie had of when she had talked Jeff down were a bit on the fuzzy side, she barely remembered anything that she had said to him. She had spent most of her time trying not to think about how high up she was. Being up on the roof had made her a bit dizzy, she'd had to go up there though, she wouldn't let the man that she loved be alone when he needed her the most. The moment that he took her hand was clear in her memory, so were the tears that had ran down Jeff's face. She remembered Jeff breaking down in her arms and then holding him in her arms, he had needed her then, and he needed her now. Emilie put her arm around Jeff's shoulder, she wanted to be near him, wanted him to know that she was there for him. Being so close to Jeff gave Emilie some comfort too, he was very warm and she closed her eyes, she wished that the doctor would hurry up.

More minutes passed and Cyd sat back in her chair, she wanted to know how Polly was doing. She had questioned the treatment that she had given to Polly on the way to the hospital, had something that she had done caused further damage to Polly's spine? A lot of the discussions with Ben had been about the possibility of Polly being paralysed. Cyd had talked to Hannah about it as well, the early days were the worst, they had gone over every aspect of how they had treated Polly. Hannah needed the closure as well, Cyd noticed that Hannah was quite nervous, she looked around every time someone came near the waiting room. How long could it take for someone to look at the results of a test? Keeping them all waiting for so long was quite cruel, she wished that they would get it over with, that the doctor would come to them with some positive news. Cyd was hoping that Polly would be lucky, that she would have escaped any further damage to her spine. She resisted the urge to start pacing the room, it wouldn't help matters. The clock on the wall was starting to get on Cyd's nerves, she wished that the batteries would stop working. The longing to start biting her nails came to Cyd, she only did it in times of stress. She tried to distract herself from wanting to do it by looking at the pictures that were on the walls of the waiting room.

The whole group looked up suddenly as a doctor came into the room and introduced himself to them, they didn't catch his name as they all knew that the moment had come. The same feeling of apprehension spread through them all and they unconsciously found themselves joining hands with each other. Everyone in the little room needed the support of the person next to them when hearing what the doctor had to say. 'As you all know, Polly had her MRI scan this morning, we looked for damage to her spinal cord from the bullet that hit her T1 vertebrae. This is the area that can cause paralysis from the waist down, we took several images and I have looked at each of them carefully.'

'What did you find out?' Dixie asked, she had taken it on herself to be the person that spoke.

'The bullet penetrated far enough to chip away some of the bone of the vertebrae that protects the spinal cord. From the images that were taken I can confirm that it did not penetrate far enough to damage Polly's spinal cord. The injury to the bone has begun to heal by itself during Polly's time in the coma. Polly has been very lucky, the physical tests that we conducted after the scan showed that she has no paralysis in her lower body despite the injury to her vertebrae.'

'So she will be able to walk and go back to work as a paramedic?'

'All in good time, Polly will need some physiotherapy to help her get used to walking and moving about again. She has had physiotherapy while she was in her comatose state to stop atrophy setting in to her muscles, the physical therapists will build on the work that has already been done and support Polly in her physical rehabilitation.'

'Can I have a copy of your report? As Polly's boss I will need to let the ambulance trust know what I have found out today.'

'Of course you can, I will organise that for you right away.'

'Thank you, how long will it take for Polly to recover?'

'I don't know, every case is different, Polly will be given the best help available. The nurses are making arrangements for Polly to be moved to a ward that will best suit her recovery.'

'Can we see her?'

'Just two of you for now.'

'Okay, does she know the result of the scan?'

'She does, our nurses were with her every step of the way.'

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.' The doctor left them alone and Dixie looked around at her friends, they were still digesting the news that Polly had had a very lucky escape.

Emilie squeezed Jeff's hand, she hoped that hearing Polly would regain her mobility and be able to go back to work as a paramedic had helped him to feel better. He hadn't said anything since the doctor had left the room. Emilie took Dixie to one side, she needed to talk to her. 'Dixie, I know that everyone wants to see Polly, could I take Jeff in to see her? I think it would do him some good.'

'I think you might be right there, are you going to go with him?'

'I will, he needs me right now, I'm not going to leave him alone.' Emilie found herself drawn into a hug by Dixie and she hugged her back after a few seconds. 'Thank you, Emilie.'

'What for?'

'Jeff is my mate, you've been a wonderful support for him during this time. Many a woman would have left when Jeff started with his moods and began to lose his way.'

'I couldn't have left him, my heart wouldn't let me.'

'Once everything is back on track, you're going to make a beautiful bride Emilie.'

'Thank you.'

'I mean it, we'll see you at the altar soon enough. I have a report to collect and file, I'll see you soon.'

'See you soon.' Having Dixie's approval made Emilie feel good, she turned around and walked over to Jeff, it was time to get him and to go to see Polly.

The nurses had made Polly comfortable after she had been checked over, she rested against the pillows that they had put behind her, she still felt a bit weak and in need of their support. Polly tried to make sense of everything that had happened to her, the nurses had told her everything. She looked over at the cards and presents from everyone in the department, they obviously cared about her a lot. The teddy that she had given to Elizabeth was sat on top of the cupboard, how had it got there? She had plenty of questions, her memories were a little bit scrambled. The last thing that she remembered was moving in front of Jeff to stop him being shot. Polly had flashes of memories of people coming in and talking to her, some of it made sense and some of it didn't. She only remembered Jeff coming to visit her once, surely he had been to see her more times than that. He had sounded sad, she couldn't remember what he said, the words were all mixed up. Polly felt as if she had dreamed everything that had happened to her, that it couldn't possibly be real. Weeks had passed, it felt as if it had only been days, how had she been in a coma for that long? Polly wondered what it must have been like for her friends coming to see her, they had to deal with the knowledge that she might not wake up. It must have been an awful time for them all, especially Jeff. Protecting people was something that Jeff did, especially those that he cared about. How had he coped with everything that had gone on? Polly was afraid to ask him, she was afraid that he had gone to pieces, that he had done something, or tried to do something silly to himself. She tried to put it out of her mind, that very thought scared Polly, she needed to know that Jeff was all right.

The relief of finding out that Polly didn't have any paralysis was a source of relief for her friends. Jeff sat still as one by one everyone left the room, Emilie sat back next to him and she put her hand on top of his. 'Come on, we're going to see Polly.'

'What if she remembers what I said to her?'

'You need to do this, you need to see for yourself that Polly is all right, that she is on the mend.'

'You're not going to give up on this, are you?'

'No, I'm not.' Jeff let himself be led to Polly's bed, after everything that he had put Emilie through, he had to grant her this one thing. He knew that he owed her a lot, he owed her his life, had she not been there then he would have jumped. Emilie wouldn't be put off, Jeff knew it, she was determined to see this through. He was willing to bet that she had picked up some of her determination from Dixie, they had been talking a lot during Polly's coma. Jeff knew that he would have to thank Dixie for her help, he wondered what he had done to deserve such a devoted friend in Dixie and partner in Emilie. Jeff saw that Polly was sat up against some pillows as he approached her bed, she looked pale still, but Jeff was glad to see her awake and looking a bit more like her usual self.

Relief flooded through Polly's veins when she saw Jeff and Emilie sit down next to her bed, obviously Emilie had been there for Jeff during the time that she had been in a coma. She saw that Emilie and Jeff looked as if they had both struggled for sleep a few times in the past few weeks. Hannah had looked the same when she had been by her bed yesterday, it must have been a very tough time for all off her friends. 'Princess Polly.'

'Jeff, are you okay?'

'You're asking me if I'm all right?'

'I am, my memories are a little bit messed up.'

'I am not surprised, you have been asleep for weeks.'

'So they tell me, I wish that I could get up and start working with you all again.'

'Don't be in too much of a hurry, you need time to recover properly.'

'What have I missed?'

'Nothing much really.' Polly sensed the lie in Jeff's words, he always looked away from the person that he was talking to when he wasn't being totally truthful. 'Same old stuff.'

'Oh, okay.'

'How are you feeling Pol?'

'Tired, weak, I am glad that I will be able to go back to work though. When is the wedding?'

'We want you to get well first,' Emilie said. 'Actually, I was hoping that you would do something for me Polly, I need your help.'

'Anything.'

'Once you're better, I want you to be my bridesmaid.'

'Seriously? Me, a bridesmaid?'

'If you want to.'

'I do, I really do.'

'Good, then it is settled.'

'I am going to work really hard to get better so I can walk you down the aisle.' Polly was very happy that Emilie had asked her to be her bridesmaid, she would work hard at her physiotherapy so that she could walk again in time for Emilie and Jeff's wedding.

After they had said goodbye to Polly, Jeff and Emilie left the hospital together, the ambulance bay was empty, it looked as if the team had gone on a shout. Jeff looked longingly at the station, he wanted to be back at work. Emilie saw where Jeff was looking and she took hold of his hand. 'You'll be back at work in no time, come with me.' Jeff followed Emilie into the garden at the back of the hospital, it was quiet, they were alone. 'How are you feeling?'

'I don't know, Polly is awake, what if she remembers what I said to her before I went to the roof?'

'She won't blame you, she'll understand that you were in a bad place.'

'I wanted to say more to Polly, but I was afraid that I would blurt out everything. I don't want Polly to know what I almost did, I don't want her to blame herself.'

'Okay, I won't tell her anything, you have my word.'

'Thank you Emilie.'

'We have a wedding to plan, I promised Polly that she could be a bridesmaid. I hoped that it would make her happy, give her something to look forward to.'

'It made her happy, you could see it in her smile.'

'You have your first appointment with the counsellor tomorrow, are you prepared?'

'I think so, I hope so.'

'Everything will be fine, just let them help you, that is what they are there for.'

'Emilie, I need to ask you something.'

'What is it?'

'If it was me that had been shot, would you have sat with me until I woke up from my coma? If I had been paralysed would you have looked after me?'

'Of course I would, love doesn't just go away.'

'What if I was unable to make love to you ever again, unable to make you a mother? I know that you want children, wouldn't you want to find someone else that could give you that?' Jeff looked at Emilie, he had to know her answer.

Emilie was stunned by Jeff's questions, she hadn't been aware that he had been thinking about anything like that. 'Jeff, love doesn't go away because of adversity. The people that love each other continue to do so for life. If any of what you said came to pass then I would take care of you.'

'I couldn't condemn you to that life, you deserve better.'

'It is not up for discussion, you won't get rid of me that easily Jeffrey Collier.'

'What have I done to deserve you?'

'You must have done something good in this life or one before it.'

'I want to move on, I want to get better, I want to be the man that I was.'

'You will be, you've already taken the first steps.' Emilie followed the line of Jeff's cheek with her finger, she rested her hand above Jeff's heart. 'You're a good man and I love you.'

'I love you too.' Jeff's words were so quiet the Emilie barely heard them, she looked up into his eyes and saw traces of the man that he used to be in them. 'My knight, you're in there, I know that you are.' Emilie felt Jeff's arms move around her, he pulled her close and traced his finger over her jaw and her lips. 'Emilie, can I kiss you?' She nodded and closed her eyes as Jeff's lips gently touched her own, she kissed Jeff back with a gentle passion and cuddled herself into his arms. 'I remember the first time that you asked me if you could kiss me.'

'In the park, underneath the tree.'

'You remember too.'

'Of course I do.' Emilie cuddled herself into Jeff's arms, she had seen some of the man that Jeff used to be in his eyes, it proved to her that he was still in there. Seeing Jeff be more like his old self made Emilie even more determined to help him, to get her knight back again.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and ****Sparkles and Rainbows for your constant reviews and support. Welcome to casualtyfanforever and thank you for your lovely review, I am pleased that you are enjoying the story.**  


******I know there has been a bit of a delay between chapters, I have had a cold and a fuzzy head is not good for writing updates.**

******Happy new year to you all, I hope you enjoy this chapter, more squish coming :)**

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**Chapter Fifteen.**

Jeff was sat in the waiting room of the counsellor's office, he had just finished filling in his forms and had given them to the receptionist, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now. There were plenty of leaflets in stands and posters on the wall that he could read, he didn't want to read them, he wanted to leave, he wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. The impending meeting with the counsellor was making Jeff nervous, he wasn't sure what to expect, what he would end up talking about with him. Emilie had dropped him off at the office and she would pick him up again after the appointment. Jeff wished that he had asked Emilie to come in with him, he hoped that he had convinced her that he was okay, that he didn't need her to come in with him. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, what questions he would be asked or anything like that. The thought of telling a complete stranger everything about what he was going through seemed completely alien to Jeff. He was still thinking about what he was going to say when the receptionist called his name, he stood up and followed her into the counsellor's office. The man was already sat down and Jeff took the chair in front of his desk. 'I'm Ben, as you already know I'm your counsellor, you are?'

'Jeff Collier.'

'Okay, why are you here?'

'Because Dixie made the appointment for me.'

'Why are you here?'

'Emilie thought that I should talk to someone.'

'Why are you here?'

'I just told you why I am here, what do you want from me?'

'I want to know what the real reason is that you're here.' Jeff sighed, he folded his arms, it looked like it was going to be a very long session. It was hard for him to talk about why he had agreed to the counselling sessions, he didn't want everyone finding out that he was responsible for a young woman almost losing her life.

Minutes passed and Jeff looked at Ben, he wasn't sure if he could trust him or not. 'Anything that you say in this room is totally confidential, it won't go any further than here.'

'I saw a colleague get shot right in front of me.'

'Okay, you mentioned Dixie and Emilie, who are they?'

'Dixie is my best friend and my boss, Emilie is my fiancé.'

'Do you have any children?'

'Sophia and John, they're from my previous marriage to Lucy.'

'So, you don't have any children with Emilie?'

'Not yet. Why all of the questions about Emilie and everyone?'

'I am trying to work out what your personal circumstances are. Your family and friends are an important part of your life. Aren't they the ones that persuaded you to come here?'

'No, not really, I would have come here by myself.'

'Dixie made the appointment for you though, Emilie thought that you needed to speak to someone, isn't that what you said when I asked you why you were here?'

'So, what does that have to do with anything?'

'Would you have made the appointment yourself if they hadn't encouraged you?'

'Of course I would have.'

'Are you sure about that?'

'Don't judge me, you don't know me.'

'I don't know you, that is why I am trying to get to know you. Dixie warned me that you would be a hard nut to crack, that you would be very stubborn.' Jeff clammed up, he wasn't sure what to say to that. 'She's right, you are stubborn, these sessions are for your benefit, I am here to help you deal with your feelings.' The statement confused Jeff, he wasn't really sure what to say now that he had the time to talk about his experiences.

Ben looked over the notes that he had taken so far, Jeff wasn't making his job easy, Dixie hadn't been lying when she'd said that Jeff would be a hard nut to crack. He decided to head in a different direction for now. 'What was your childhood like?'

'Do you really need to know?'

'The more I know about you the easier it will be for me to help you.'

'My dad was hard on me, he didn't show any affection to any of his children, it just wasn't his style. I don't see him now, I don't see any of my family or speak to them that much.'

'Why not?'

'They didn't approve of me getting divorced from Lucy.'

'Do they know about the fact that you're engaged again?'

'My sister, Margaret, she knows.' Ben wrote down everything that Jeff had just told him.

'Emilie, what's she like?'

'She's beautiful, strong, sometimes I think that she is too good for me.'

'She has stuck with you throughout everything that has been happening?'

'Yeah, I got drunk more than once, I lost my temper with her, said some horrible things to her and still she stuck with me. I don't know why she is still with me.'

'Have you ever considered that she loves you?'

'I suppose she does.'

'Do you love her?'

I do, a lot, I am grateful that she still wants to be with me.'

'What about Dixie?'

'I said some horrible things to her too, I blamed her for Polly going into the college.'

'Polly?'

'I promised to protect her, she ended up protecting me, she got shot because of me.'

'Polly is the colleague that got shot?'

'She's more than my colleague, she's like my daughter.'

'Do you feel guilty?'

'All the time.' Ben made some more notes on the paper in front of him, Jeff's need for counselling was becoming clearer to him now that Jeff had started talking properly.

There were a lot of things that didn't add up for Jeff, he didn't get why Ben was asking him all sorts of questions that didn't seem to have anything to do with what had happened to Polly. 'Do you have any questions for me?'

'Why are you asking me about my family, what does that have to do with anything?'

'Your past and your family have had a helping hand in making you the man that you are today.'

'Can't we just skip all that?'

'Do you think that you can click your fingers and be magically healed?'

'I just want to get this over with,' Jeff stood up, admitting to feeling guilty about what had happened to Polly had made him feel vulnerable. 'I don't think that this is going to help me.'

'So you're just going to walk out before you've even properly tried to help yourself?'

'Isn't it your job to help me?'

'I can't do that unless you help yourself too. Okay, if I am wrong about everything that I am about to say then you can leave this office, if I'm right then you sit down, deal?'

'Deal.'

'You have flashbacks about what happened to Polly, you lie awake at night after having nightmares, you fear that the people you love will leave you because of what happened. You're scared that you'll never be the man that you used to be, that your kids will be disappointed in you, that you'll be never be able to look Polly, Emilie, or Dixie in the eye ever again. You drink alcohol to avoid the pain, you think that you have let everyone down, you think that you're a coward. How am I doing?' Jeff slowly turned around, he walked back to the chair and he sat down again.

Watching Jeff walk into the counsellor's office alone had been hard for Emilie, she had offered to go with him as moral support, she appreciated that Jeff had said no, that he needed to do this by himself. Emilie had been going to go home and pick Jeff up afterwards, something had stopped her from leaving though. She wanted to support Jeff in some small way, even if she couldn't be in the room with him. Jeff's nerves were plainly obvious, Emilie hadn't seen him so nervous since he had asked her to marry him. A smile played across Emilie's lips as she remembered the night that Jeff proposed to her, it was still her favourite memory. There had been some bad times lately, she still thought that the good times in their relationship outweighed the bad ones though. Emilie had started working on a plan to take Jeff away for a few days so they could just be together. Once Jeff was well on the way to recovery then she would surprise him with a trip away somewhere. A quick look at her watch told Emilie that Jeff would be with Ben for quite some time, she relaxed in her seat and let her memories of the good times wash over her.

Thinking about the good times made Emilie smile, she remembered all of the times that she'd shared a bath with Jeff, having his arms around her made Emilie feel safe. She'd had to hold Jeff the past few times that they'd shared the bath, she wondered if he felt safe in her arms. Whenever Jeff was home in time then he would share the duty of cooking the evening meal, Emilie liked sharing the time with him, it made her happy. Remembering the good times gave Emilie solace from the thoughts that she might not have been able to save Jeff, from the thoughts that she might have said the wrong things to him. She hoped that it was her love for Jeff that had made him think twice about ending his life. Emilie had moments where she admitted to herself that it had been close, that Jeff could have easily jumped off the edge and she could have lost him forever. The very thought of having to live her life without Jeff scared Emilie, she didn't want to have to live without him, she loved him. She hoped that the counselling worked, that Ben could help Jeff through his problems, that Jeff could be the man he was once again.

The wedding entered Emilie's mind, she had started preparing for it before Polly had been shot, it had been put on hold not long afterwards. For a time she had wondered if she would be able to get married to Jeff, or if it would end up a dream that she would visit on the dark nights when she was by herself. Emilie closed her eyes, if the wedding had been called off and her relationship with Jeff had ended then she wouldn't have married anyone else. She knew that she loved Jeff, her life had been so different since he had been in it. Emilie knew that she couldn't love anyone else, it wouldn't have been the same. She hadn't told Jeff about her feelings and her fears, she didn't want to put any pressure on him, he was having a hard enough time with his own battle. Now that Jeff was getting the help that he needed, Emilie had started thinking about the wedding again, she had spent a few days looking at dresses. There was one dress in particular that she had been looking at, it was ivory in colour and she thought that it was beautiful. A few days ago she had given into temptation and she had put a deposit down on the dress, the shop had taken her measurements so that they could start making it for her. Emilie wondered if she was being foolish for putting down money on a dress when she wasn't even sure when the wedding was going to be. Nobody knew that she had started putting money towards a dress, she didn't want them to think that she was stupid.

Emilie looked at her watch again, Jeff was still in with Ben, she hoped that he was talking through his issues and letting Ben help him. She was proud of Jeff for having the strength to go to the counselling session, it was a big step for him and must have taken a lot of courage. Emilie wanted Jeff back again, she wanted to see him smile, seeing Jeff sad made Emilie sad too. She wondered what was going on in Jeff's session, had he made any progress? Would Jeff want to talk about what had happened during the counselling session? Emilie hoped that Jeff was behaving himself, that he was co-operating with Ben. It was well known to everyone that Jeff had trouble talking about his feelings and could be very stubborn when he wanted to be. Dixie had warned Ben about just how stubborn Jeff could be, Emilie wondered if he had to stop Jeff trying to leave yet. Having the counselling was a very big step for Jeff, it would take lots of little steps forwards and probably a few back before he was totally back to how he used to be. Emilie wanted Jeff to know that she was there for him every step of the way.

Having sat back down, Jeff looked at Ben, he wondered what he was going to ask him next. 'You mentioned your children, Sophia and John, what are they like?'

'They're not children now, John is an adult, Sophia is almost an adult. I don't see them as often as I want to, as often as I should.'

'What do they think of Emilie?'

'They love her, she loves them too. I know that I'm lucky, it could be very different.'

'So, they supported you when you asked Emilie to marry you?'

'Yeah, they did.'

'Do they know about what has been going on?'

'No, I don't want them to know.'

'Why not?'

'They might think that I am a coward.'

'Does it bother you that people will think that you're a coward?'

'I let a young woman take a bullet for me, doesn't that make me a coward?'

'Does Polly think that?'

'I don't know, I haven't asked her.'

'What about Emilie?'

'I don't know, I'm not sure that I want to know.'

'Do you think that you're a coward?'

'Yeah, I do.' Jeff watched Ben make some more notes on the pad of paper, he wondered what he was writing, had he come to a conclusion about what was wrong with him?

A few moments passed and Ben spoke again. 'You mentioned that Emilie is your fiancé, when did you ask her to marry you?'

'It was a while ago now, long before all of this happened.'

'Do you have a date?'

'No, the planning for the wedding got left behind when all of this happened.'

'I see. Do you still want to marry Emilie?'

'What kind of a question is that?'

'Sometimes situations like the one you have been through make people change their mind.'

'I still want to marry her, if anything I want to marry her even more now.'

'Okay. What are your personal relations with Emilie like?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Spending time with her, you know, being together as a couple.'

'We haven't, not properly for some time.'

'I see, why not?'

'I started working double shifts and drinking a lot, we argued sometimes, mainly over the drinking. Emilie would often go to bed by herself, I would go up after her. There have been plenty of times that she cried herself to sleep, because of me.'

'You blame yourself.'

'I do, I've been neglecting her and I've been neglecting our relationship.'

'In what way?

'In every way; physically, emotionally, romantically. I am surprised that she hasn't left me.'

'You said something similar to that when you first came in here, do you think that she should leave you, that she should find someone else that can look after her?'

'Yeah, I think so, I haven't been there for her. She was there for me and I rejected her help, I've hurt her in so many ways.'

'How so? Physically?'

'No, I'd never raise my hand to a woman. It was a lot worse than that, I told her that I didn't want to marry her. I don't know why she still loves me.'

'Do you want her to leave you?'

'No, I love her, I don't want to be without her.' Jeff took a deep breath, his emotions were beginning to get the better of him.

Ben gave Jeff a few moments to collect his thoughts, he saw that Jeff was beginning to struggle with his emotions and his thoughts. 'Love is a strange thing, sometimes we love the people that hurt us, there is no way of changing how you feel for someone.'

'Emilie hasn't given up on me, even after everything that I put her through she still loves me. Why?'

'Only she can answer that. Do you believe that Emilie shouldn't love you?'

'I've put her through so much, she should hate me.'

'It is the guilt that is making you feel this way.'

'How do I get over it?'

'Time, you should talk to Emilie too.'

'I can't, I don't know how, the words won't come out properly.'

'Write her a letter, then you can make sure you have everything written down properly before you give it to her.'

'How can I apologise for scaring her the way that I did?'

'Scaring her?'

'I remembered everything that happened one day, I went up to the roof of the hospital after seeing Polly in the ICU, I nearly...' Jeff's words trailed off, he couldn't finish the sentence. 'Did Emilie go after you?'

'She did, she hates heights, she still came after me, it is because of her that I am still here.'

'She talked you down off the ledge?'

'Yeah, Dixie was there too, they both just held me.'

'Did you really want to kill yourself?'

'I just wanted the pain to stop. I just want to be myself again, I want to feel normal again.'

'Do you feel normal now?'

'I don't know, not quite.'

'Would you get up on the roof again?'

'No, the drop scared me.'

'Okay, I think we have come far enough for today. I want you to come and see me again at the end of this week, we can pick up from where we finished today.' Ben wrote down the date and time of Jeff's next appointment on a card and handed it to him. 'My number is on the card, if you need to call me then do so. I want to write your feelings down in a diary, if you have a flashback then write that down too. We will review what happens in our next session.'

'All right, thank you.'

'You're welcome.' Jeff picked up his jacket and he put the card securely in the pocket, he felt exhausted, he just wanted to go home.

Emilie was still thinking when Jeff got into the car, she snapped out of her daydreaming when he shut the car door. Jeff looked tired, the session had obviously been hard on him. Emilie put her hand on Jeff's shoulder. 'How did it go?'

'He wanted to know everything about me.'

'Did you tell Ben what he wanted to know?'

'Mostly, I think, he wants to see me again, I have another appointment.'

'Okay, you are doing the right thing, you need to do this.'

'I'm not used to talking to someone.'

'I know. Do you want to go for something to eat?'

'No, I just want to go home, I'm tired.'

'Okay, I'll make you something when we get home.' Jeff nodded, he looked as if he was still in a world of his own, talking about his experiences must have been hard work. Emilie started the car and drove Jeff back home, he looked in need of rest and food.

Once Emilie got Jeff home, she sat him down and made them both something to eat and she sat with Jeff as he ate it. She discreetly watched Jeff as he ate, she wanted to make sure that he was eating properly, he needed his strength to get through the tough days. Jeff hadn't said much about what had happened during the appointment, Emilie trusted him to open up in his own time. He seemed to want to be close to someone, to need physical comfort. After Jeff had eaten, Emilie took hold of his hand and she sat on the sofa with him. 'Do you want to talk about anything that went on at the appointment today?'

'No, I've done enough talking for one day.'

'Okay, we don't have to talk.' Little Abs stretched himself out on the floor and Emilie stroked his head, she loved the dog, he was always pleased to see her. Emilie turned around to see Jeff lost in his own thoughts, she smiled at Jeff and then she tucked her legs up under herself. Once she was comfortable, she cuddled up to Jeff and rested her head on his chest.

The sensation of Emilie's head resting on his chest surprised Jeff, he had been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed her moving. Jeff carefully put his arms around her and rested his arms near to Emilie's waist. He looked at Emilie properly for the first time in what felt like a long time; her dark hair had grown longer and he found himself wanting to touch it. Jeff stroked his hand over the natural wave in Emilie's hair and rested his head on top of hers for a few seconds. He looked at Emilie's face, her hazel eyes and her lips, it amazed him how long her eyelashes were. He took in Emilie's gently rounded face, her light-pink coloured skin, and her soft lips. Jeff found himself thinking about how simply and naturally beautiful Emilie was. He thought himself very lucky to have Emilie. Looking at Emile reminded Jeff how lucky he was to have her, she reminded him of why he was going to the couselling. He was doing it for her, he loved her, he wanted to make her proud of him. Jeff pressed a kiss to Emilie's forehead, he saw a smile appear on her lips. He moved until Emilie was cocooned in his arms, he hoped that she would stay there for a while, he liked having her so close to him. Going to the counselling session had been hard, having Emilie in his arms made it all worth it, he was doing it for her, he would be the man that she deserved, he would be her knight once again.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover, casualtyfanforever and ****Sparkles and Rainbows for your reviews and support. I hope you all enjoy the chapter :)  
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**Chapter Sixteen.**

As soon as a bed had been prepared for Polly on her new ward, she was moved there so that she could work towards recovering her strength and starting to walk again. The nurses had brought Polly breakfast that morning and she had eaten it all, it felt good to be hungry and able to eat by herself. There was a feeling inside Polly that she was grateful to be alive, she knew that she had been very lucky to escape serious injury. She wondered how her friends had dealt with having to see her in a coma, knowing that everyone had had to go through that made Polly feel a bit on the guilty side. The memories from inside the college were quite clear for Polly; she remembered seeing the boy pointing the gun at Jeff, the thought that she had to do something to stop him. She remembered the pain as the bullets hit her, the sensation of Jeff holding her, the look on his face as he talked to her. Polly knew that Jeff would have felt guilty about not being able to protect her, he probably still felt that way. She thought about Jeff and Emilie coming to see her the day after she had come out of the coma, Jeff had been lying about something, she was certain of it. What could be so bad that he had to lie about it? Polly made up her mind to ask Dixie about it when she saw her today.

Polly had watched some television and she had read the newspapers to try and catch up on everything that she had missed out on while she had been in the coma. She was sat propped up against the pillows in her bed, all of the gifts and cards from her friends and colleagues were at the side of her bed. Polly started looking through the cards, it made her smile to read all of their get well wishes and notes of support. All of the staff from the ambulance crew and the ED had written something in the cards, it made Polly feel loved and cared for. There was a card from the twins, Hannah and Dixie had obviously written it for them, the sentiment of it meant a lot to Polly all the same. She picked up the teddy that she had bought for Elizabeth, she hugged it close to her, the card said that the little girl wanted her to have it while she was unwell. Polly looked out of the window near to her bed, she really wanted to see the twins, she missed them an awful lot. It was almost time for the visiting hours to begin, she couldn't wait to see Dixie and Hannah, they were bringing her some of her clothes and personal items. Polly wanted to be properly dressed, she was fed up of wearing the hospital gowns. She hoped that being able to wear her own clothes would help her to feel more like herself again. She wondered why Jeff wasn't bringing her things to her, Emilie had told her that he had an appointment, she wouldn't say what for though. The very fact that Emilie had avoided the question made Polly suspicious, something was definitely going on with Jeff. Worry began to set in, had the incident in the college really upset Jeff, had it made him ill in some way? Jeff was very protective of the people closest to him, Polly wondered if Jeff thought that he had failed her in some way. She wondered if it was why Jeff had sounded so sad when he had visited her while she was still in the coma. She hoped that he hadn't done anything to hurt himself.

There were some things that were still muddled in Polly's head, she had heard bits of the things that her friends had talked about when they had visited her. She remembered Cyd reading to her, Tess and Zoe had visited a few times and had told her everything that had gone on in the hospital. There were some blanks in her memory, she sometimes had a hard time remembering who had been talking to her. She remembered Emilie visiting her and telling her stories about the children in the nursery. Polly was confused, there was only the one memory of Jeff coming to see her, she couldn't remember what he had said to her, only the sadness in his voice. The more that she thought about Jeff coming to see her, the more it troubled her, there was something not right about the whole thing. Emilie had often sounded as if she was sad too, as if there was a lot on her mind, she hoped that Jeff and Emilie would get married, they deserved to be happy. She was determined to get better and be a bridesmaid for Emilie. Polly tried to piece together the clues that she had, it was frustrating as she didn't have all of the pieces that she needed to make the whole picture. She remembered Jeff carrying her out of the college, the relief that Jeff hadn't been hurt, that her attempt at protecting him had been successful. Polly thought of Jeff as her father, she knew that she had to protect him, that she had to stop him getting hurt no matter what it took.

The visitors started to file into the ward, Polly kept a look out for Hannah and Dixie, she smiled when they came over to her bed and sat down beside it after they had both given her a hug. 'Hey Polly, we brought the stuff that you asked for,' Hannah said.

'Thank you, I can't wait to be in my own clothes.'

'You look a lot happier today Pol, how are you feeling?'

'I am still a bit confused from time to time, I remember little bits of people talking to me, some of it does get mixed up together from time to time though. It doesn't feel real, I can't believe that I was in a coma for so long.'

'That's to be expected, I am looking forward to having you back in the ambulance with me Pol, I have missed you a lot.'

'I miss you too Hannah, I miss everyone. I want them all to come and see me whenever they can.'

'You can count on it, you have a very long list of people wanting to see you.'

'Oh good, it's not so bad here. I can watch the television when I want to, there is a library that I can get books from when I want to read too. They have a volunteer that comes around with the books for those that can't get to the library.'

'That's good, I know how much you like your reading.'

'I do, it will keep me occupied in between visiting times.'

'We'll keep you occupied when we are here.'

'Hannah, can I see the twins? I really want to.'

'I don't think that it will be a problem, I will check with the sister to make sure though.'

'Thank you, I bet they have grown bigger.'

'A little bit, they miss their auntie Polly.'

'I miss them too.' Hannah heard Polly's voice go quiet when she talked about seeing the twins, it was obvious that she missed them. Surely the sister of the ward would grant Polly's wish of being able to see the little ones, Hannah hoped that she would, it would do Polly a lot of good.

Dixie moved closer to Polly now that Hannah had gone to see the sister about letting the twins visit Polly at the hospital. 'Dixie, I will be back at work as soon as I can, I promise.'

'Pol, you should get yourself better properly first. The trust have granted you leave with full pay because you were injured on a shout. Don't worry about hurrying back.'

'I know, I'm just not very good at lying down in bed all day. The physiotherapist, Jess, came to see me earlier on. She says that she will work with me so that I can get walking again.'

'What else did she say?'

'My muscles aren't that bad, the work that was done on them when I was in the coma means that they're still quite strong. I need to do some exercises every day to get back to how I was.'

'Okay. Pol, how do you feel about what happened in the college?'

'You mean with Jeff, when I jumped in front of him to save him?'

'Yeah, that's what I mean.'

'I had to do it, if I hadn't then he could have been killed.'

'So could you.'

'I know. Is Jeff mad at me?'

'No sweetheart, of course he isn't.'

'I just wanted to protect him. I sort of remember him coming to visit me, he sounded sad.'

'He was just afraid that he would lose you, that you wouldn't wake up. We were all afraid of that happening, you are very loved Polly, I hope you know it.'

'I do know it.'

'Is Jeff all right? I know that he can react badly to those he loves getting hurt. I just wanted to protect him, I don't want him to blame himself for the decision that I made.'

'He has had some difficult times along the way, but we've got him through it.'

'Oh, I see, I am sorry that my actions caused that.' Dixie reached over and squeezed Polly's hand, the young woman was obviously feeling bad about everything that had happened.

There was something that Dixie wasn't saying, Polly saw it in her eyes. 'Dixie, are you all right? You look a little bit lost in thought.'

'I'm sorry Polly, I sent you into the college, if I had said no to you then you wouldn't be in this hospital bed, you would be at work right now.'

'We all know the risks of our job, I went in there knowing the risks that I faced.'

'I could have gone in, I am supposed to look after you all.'

'Dixie, it wasn't your fault, I made my own decision, you can't look after us all of the time.'

'Even so, I blame myself.'

'Does Hannah know how you are feeling?'

'She does, I shouted at her, I lost my temper with her when she tried to help me.'

'We all lose our temper from time to time, Hannah doesn't love you any less because you shouted at her. It must have been hard for you all. I'm sorry.'

'You're apologising to me, what for?'

'I just got in the way of the bullet, I didn't think that my actions would lead to all of this.'

'Polly, don't apologise, you were very brave, I don't think that I could have done what you did. I want you to do something for me though.'

'What is it?'

'Don't make a habit of jumping in front of bullets.'

'I won't, I promise.' Dixie smiled and Polly smiled back at her, she was happy to know that Dixie wasn't mad at her for risking her life to protect Jeff.

Polly looked at Hannah expectantly when she came back from talking to the ward sister, she wanted to see the twins, she hoped that she would be able to see them soon. 'Hannah, what did the sister say, can you bring Elizabeth and Thomas in with you the next time that you come to see me?'

'We can, though it will have to be away from the ward, she thinks that it might be a little frightening for them to see people that are ill as they are so young. Arrangements will be made so that you can see the twins in one of the family rooms near to the ward.'

'Oh good, I am glad that I can see them, it has been so long.'

'It has, I know that they will be happy to see you.'

'I have to thank Elizabeth for giving me her teddy.'

'She wanted you to have it, she loves you a lot, so does Thomas.'

'I love them too.' Polly was happy, the news that she would be able to see the twins had given her a boost. She didn't like being in hospital, she wanted to get better as soon as possible so that she could be back at work with all of her friends. Polly knew that the visiting time was almost at an end, she would have to say goodbye to Hannah and Polly, the thought of it made her sad.

Seeing Polly being more like herself and smiling made Hannah very happy, she had been worried that Polly wouldn't wake up, that she wouldn't get her friend back again. 'Hannah, I remember you helping me just after I was brought out of the college by Jeff. Cyd was there too, you both helped me when we were on the way to Holby.'

'We weren't the only ones that helped you Polly; Zoe, Tess, and Dylan treated you in the ED, then there was the theatre team, and the staff that looked after you in the ICU. I was just one part of a large team that brought you to this point.'

'You're being modest, I made it to the hospital because of you and Cyd, I am grateful to you both. I will tell Cyd that too when she comes to visit me.'

'You're welcome, I would do it again if I had to.'

'I wish that I could thank the people that operated on me.' Polly noticed the look that passed between Hannah and Dixie. 'What is it?'

'My dad operated on you Polly.'

'Really? I didn't know, can you ask him to come and see me?'

'Of course I will, he was very happy when he learned that you had woken up.'

'I want to see him, I want to say thank you.'

'I'll let him know, though I think you might find that he is quite the modest man when it comes to being praised for his actions.'

'I think that is where his daughter gets it from.'

'You're probably right.' Hannah smiled, she liked it when people compared her to her father.

The visiting time for the ward came to an end, Polly was sad to see Hannah and Dixie go, she had been very happy to see them. 'Hannah, Dixie, will you give the twins a kiss for me?'

'We will,' Dixie said, she carefully hugged Polly. 'Take care of yourself sweetheart.'

'I will, I can't wait to see you again soon, maybe we can talk about you two getting married properly. We can have a party to celebrate.'

'How do you know about that?' Dixie sounded shocked.

'I talked about it to Polly just before she woke up,' Hannah said with a smile. 'We need to complete the paperwork and send it off to convert our partnership into marriage. Once we do that then we will be legally married.'

'You should do it as soon as possible, if anyone deserves to be married then it is you two.' Dixie chuckled at Polly's enthusiasm. 'I mean it, you love each other, please do it.'

'We will, I promise, get some rest Polly,' Dixie hugged Polly again and she stepped back so that Hannah could take her place to say goodbye.

Hannah gave Polly a hug, she loved her best friend dearly. 'We will see you again soon Polly, we'll bring the twins with us, it is all arranged.'

'I am looking forward to it.'

'I am too, I know that the twins love you a lot.'

'Give them a hug for me.'

'I will. See you soon Polly.'

'See you soon, thank you for bringing my stuff for me.'

'You are welcome, if you need anything else then we are only a call away.'

'I know, I am very lucky to have you all. Say hello to everyone for me, tell them that I miss them.'

'I will.' Hannah reluctantly let go of Polly, to leave her by herself on the ward. 'See you soon Pol.'

'Count on it.' Hannah and Dixie waved at Polly as they left the ward, they hoped that she would be all right by herself, that she wouldn't be too lonely without them.

Polly had waved at Hannah and Dixie until they were out of sight, she found that she was missing their company already. She rested her head on the pillows, it would be time for the evening meal soon, then she would have some time to herself before it was time to sleep. Polly hadn't told Dixie and Hannah that she had been offered counselling, she wasn't sure if she was going to agree to it or not. There might come a time when she would want to talk over what had happened in the college. Polly knew that she had to talk to Jeff, there was something at the back of her mind from when he had visited her. The sadness in his voice, the fear, the loathing, the idea that he had been about to do something very stupid. She remembered him saying that he wouldn't be able to hurt the people he loved, that she wasn't to blame herself for what he had done. Polly hoped that she was remembering the conversation wrong, that it was just muddled up in her head. Dixie had said that Jeff had been through some tough times, what did she mean by they had got him through it? Polly did not like the conclusion that she was coming to, she didn't like the thought that Jeff might have tried to hurt himself. She had to know, she had to ask Jeff about it when he visited her, if she had driven him to that then she had to apologise. Polly sighed, Jeff meant a lot to her, she had to tell him the reason why she had protected him in the college. She wanted him to know that she loved him, that she thought of him as her dad, that he was very important to her.

The journey home was a silent one for Dixie and Hannah, visiting Polly had made them happy, leaving her at the end had been hard for them both. Hannah held Dixie's hand in her own as they walked into the house, she squeezed it gently and smiled at Dixie. Lawrence was sat on the sofa, the twins were crawling around on the floor and playing with some of their toys. 'Hi dad, has everything been all right?'

'Yes, the twins have had their lunch and we've been playing games.'

'Good, I am glad to hear it.'

'How is Polly?'

'She's impatient to get out of hospital, I think that she wants to get better.' Lawrence stood up and he gave Hannah and then Dixie a hug.

'She is on the mend though?'

'Yes, very much so.'

'I am pleased to hear it.'

'Polly wants to see you, she wants to say thank you.'

'Oh, does she know that I operated on her then?'

'I told her, you should go and see her, I know that it would mean a lot to her.'

'I will do.'

'Good. I am proud of you dad, operating on Polly must have been very hard for you.'

'It was, I tried my best for her.'

'Of course you did, she is alive because of what you did for her.' Hannah hugged her dad again, she wanted him to know that she would always be proud of him. 'You should be proud too Hannah, you did a brilliant job under such difficult circumstances.'

'I am glad that you think so.'

'I do, you make me proud of you each and every day. It is good to know that you are not too old for a hug from your dad.'

'Never, I'll always be your little girl.' Hannah closed her eyes as her dad hugged her, it was comforting to her that he hadn't changed much since she had been a little girl.

Dixie watched Hannah and Lawrence hugging each other, there was one time when she would have left them alone, that was a long time ago though, she knew that they wanted her around though. It made her happy to know that she was part of a family that wanted her, loved her, and accepted her for who she was. Elizabeth was curled up to one side of her, Thomas had his head in her lap and was almost asleep. Dixie stroked Elizabeth's hair and she rested her other hand on Thomas' back. She was happy that the twins were growing by the day, she loved to watch them playing with each other and being kids. Lawrence went over to Dixie, she smiled at him. 'Thank you for helping Polly, she means a lot to us.'

'I know, she is a lovely young woman and I wasn't about to give up on her.'

'You will go and see her, won't you?'

'I will.'

'Good, I think it is good for her to have visitors. Thank you for looking after the twins for us.'

'It's a pleasure, I will look after them whenever you need me to. I will see you soon Dixie.'

'See you soon Lawrence.' Dixie waved at Lawrence as he left the lounge, she loved him for the constant support that he had given to her and Hannah in their relationship.

Hannah and Dixie put the twins into their cots so that they could have a nap, they stood together and quietly watched them as they slept. 'They're getting big, I remember when they were first born, the first time that I got to hold our children in my arms.'

'I remember that day too, the happiness of seeing our children born into the world. I don't remember the pain of giving birth, I just remember being happy and complete.'

'I do too.' Hannah took hold of Dixie's hand and she quietly left the nursery with her, she led her into the bedroom and then shut the door behind them. 'Hannah, what are we doing in here?' She slowly put her arms around Dixie and settled her head on Dixie's shoulder. 'Hannah?'

'I just want to be with you, just us, everything has been so stressful lately. We've all been through a lot in the weeks that have gone by. I just need to be with you, my Dixie.' Hannah moved her hand up to Dixie's face, she brushed the hair back from her face and looked into her eyes. 'My Dixie,' Hannah quietly whispered as she lost herself in Dixie's eyes. 'Hannah, my beautiful wife, lie down with me.' Hannah let herself be led to the bed, she cuddled up to Dixie and smiled to herself.

A few moments passed and Dixie kissed Hannah on the head. 'Beautiful.'

'Yes, Dixie.'

'Do you want to make our partnership into a marriage?'

'I do, I promised you that I would be with you for life.'

'Until death do us part?'

'I don't think even that will part us.'

'I like that idea, you are my life Hannah.'

'You're mine too Dixie.'

'Love you, my sweetheart.'

'Love you, my Dixie.'

'I am glad you love me.'

'Always.'

'Always.' Dixie wrapped her arms around Hannah, she held her close and stroked her hair, she wanted her to know just how much she loved her. She was very excited about the idea of being properly married to the woman that was lying in her arms.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, cenalover and ****Sparkles and Rainbows for your reviews, I love reading them all, you keep me writing, especially through tough chapters such as this one :)  
**

******Okay, this chapter is quite emotional, you might want to grab a tissue or two. It does talk through some sensitive issues so if you need to take a break then please do.**

******The italics are Jeff's letter to Emilie and it is in his viewpoint.**

******I hope you enjoy the chapter and that you don't cry too much. I would have posted this yesterday, but this website saw fit to be down again though... :(  
**

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**Chapter Seventeen.**

A few days had passed since Jeff's second counselling session, he was due to go to the next one in a few days. Emilie had noticed that Jeff had been writing a lot in a book that he had bought for himself. She didn't pry, if Jeff wanted her to see it then she would look at it when he asked her to. Emilie was happy that Jeff had found a way to work through his feelings about everything that he had been through. He looked as if he was dealing with things a lot better than he had been doing. Jeff still had his moments where he would experience a flashback or have a bad dream about the college, Emilie would stay with him for as long as he needed her to afterwards. Jeff still had moments where he needed her to hold him and to tell him that everything was going to be fine, that he wasn't alone. The counselling seemed to be helping Jeff, Emilie had noticed that he was starting to smile again. She was pleased that talking to Ben was having a positive effect on Jeff's mood. Emilie encouraged him to take Little Abs out for a walk, the exercise helped to lift Jeff's mood when he was having one of his tougher days. She often went with him and listened to him if he ever wanted to talk about anything with her. Most of the time they just walked quietly together, Emilie hoped that her being there was helping Jeff. She wanted to help Jeff get through everything, she loved him dearly, that was all she needed to know.

Jeff sat in the bedroom that he share with Emilie, he had written her the letter that Ben had talked about, he wondered if he should give it to her or not. He had written it in the first few days after his first counselling session, he had been trying to find the courage to give it to Emilie ever since. Jeff turned the envelope over in his hands, all he had to do was give it to Emilie. It was hard to do, he had written everything down in the letter, he had bared his soul to her. He was a bit worried that the letter might upset Emilie, he didn't really want to make her cry again, she had cried so much already. Jeff tried to get up the courage that he needed to give Emilie the letter, he had to do it, he wanted her to know how he felt. There were times when he wondered if Emilie thought that he didn't love her, it couldn't be further from the truth, he loved her so very much. Jeff turned the envelope over again, he stroked his finger over Emilie's name, he was trying to find the courage to give her the letter. He was certain that he loved Emilie, that he wanted to spend his life with her. Jeff knew that he had to be honest with Emilie, he had to tell her everything before she married him. He took a deep breath and stood up, he had to give Emilie the letter before he changed his mind.

The door to the lounge was already open, Jeff stepped inside and he watched Emilie as she tidied up. He liked that she was unaware of his presence, it gave him a few moments to calm his nerves about giving her the letter that he had written for her. Emilie moved the cushions on the sofa back into their rightful place and then she turned around. 'Jeff, when did you come in?'

'A few minutes ago.' Emilie spotted the envelope that Jeff held in his hands.

'What's that?'

'A letter, Ben told me that I should write one to you.'

'Okay, do you want me to read it?'

'Yeah, I'm going to take Little Abs out into the garden while you read it.' Emilie nodded and she took the letter when Jeff held it out to her. Jeff whistled to Little Abs and took him out into the garden, he wanted to give Emilie some space while she read the letter. He hoped that Emilie wouldn't cry too much when she read it, he wanted her to know the true depths of his feelings for her. He wanted her to know how sorry he was for putting her through so much. Jeff closed the door to the garden behind him, all he could do was wait until Emilie had finished reading his letter.

The letter that Jeff had given to Emilie was sat on the table in front of her, she was trying to summon the courage to read it. Jeff had obviously had to work hard to find the courage to give it to her, she wanted to show as much bravery as it had taken Jeff to give it to her. There had been a moment when Emilie had thought that Jeff was giving her the letter to tell her that their relationship was over. She breathed a sigh of relief, Jeff wasn't leaving her, he still wanted to be with her and marry her. Emilie leaned forward and she picked up the envelope in her hands, she saw that it had been handled a lot. Jeff had obviously held the letter for some time before he had given it to her. She turned the envelope over in her hands and slowly undid the flap at the back, she carefully took the sheets of paper out from inside and began to read the words that Jeff had written.

_Emilie,_

_I'm not very good at telling people how I feel, it is hard for me to find the words sometimes. I think you know that by now, you have been with me for long enough after all. I have tried to put my thoughts into order before I wrote them down, it might not have worked though, so I might ramble quite a bit. There's plenty that I want to say to you, I have tried quite a few times to put my thoughts into words. This is the only letter that I haven't given up on and started again from the beginning. I have tried to start at the beginning of our relationship and end up at the present day. I am trying to be totally honest with you Emilie, I want you to know everything, I know that I owe you that after everything that I have put you through in the past month or so._

_ I remember the day that we met, I had been worried that I wouldn't meet someone that would fall in love with me, as if I was going to be on my own forever. I had been married before, I'd already had kids, and I have a lot of baggage. I didn't think that any woman would want to be with me once she found out about my past. Dixie had been seeing Hannah for a long time, they had got married and were on the way to having the twins. I was happy for them, but I wanted what they had too. I was fed up of going to bed alone, of not having anyone to hold at night. I wanted someone to hold me too, I know it isn't very manly of me to like being hugged, but, I like it when you hold me. Anyway, when the radio went off, I thought that it was just going to be another shout, how wrong I was. Usually, the person that has been injured is focused on themselves and the pain that they're in, a normal reaction to being in an accident, of course. You weren't like that, you were worried about the little girl that had run out in front of your car, you were worried that you had hit her. It was a nice change to see someone that was worried about another person. I know that you were in pain, I could hear it in your voice. I wanted to ease your pain and help you._

_ I have to admit, I liked you from the start, mainly because of the way that you talked to me and Dixie, you were grateful for our help. A lot of the time we get abuse from people and shouted at by our patients, not by you though. I thought about you a lot during the rest of the day, I think Dixie noticed and that is why she gave me the push to go and talk to you. I will admit to dithering outside of the cubicle, I was scared that you would turn me down. I bet I looked like a right idiot outside your cubicle that day. I hadn't been on a date with a woman in the longest time, I honestly didn't think that you would say yes, that you would want to meet with me. I was happy that you agreed to go for a coffee with me, it made me feel good about myself. It took me a long time to send you a message, I wanted to give you some time to heal after your accident. I wondered if you still wanted to meet with me, if you might have changed your mind. It made me happy that you wanted to see me still. I had a lot to think about before our date though._

_ The decision to be honest with you about my past with Lucy was a hard one to make, it was our first date, I thought that you knowing about what I did might have frightened you off, but I had to tell you, I had to be honest about it. I messed up with Lucy, I know it, she cheated on me first, that much is true. I shouldn't have lowered myself to her level, I should have been the bigger person. You could have walked away from me when you found out what I'd done, but you didn't, you stayed. I am grateful that you stayed with me and gave us a chance. The more that we went out and spent time with each other, the more I realised that I had fallen in love with you. I was afraid of not being good enough for you, afraid of losing you, afraid of you not loving me. All of my fears came out when we made love for the first time. I was afraid that you would leave me afterwards, just as some women had done in the past. You stayed, you were still with me in the morning. It meant everything to me, it meant that you loved me, that you wanted to be with me._

_ I have many good memories of our relationship, of holding you in my arms as we watched films. You met Sophia and John, they loved you and you loved them too. I am proud of my children, I love them so very much. I am glad that you have welcomed my children into your life, they often tell me how much they like you. I know that you like them too, I have watched you with them both, we are lucky to have someone like you in our lives. I don't want them to know what happened, I don't want them to be disappointed in me. I don't want them to know about the day that I went up to the roof of the hospital, it would break their heart if they knew that their dad had thought about ending his life. I love John and Sophia, I know that you love them too. Please keep what happened a secret, please don't tell them. I know I am asking a lot of you, I just need this one favour, I don't want my children to think of me as a coward that tried to take the easy way out. I am sorry that I have to ask this of you, that I have to put you in such an awkward position._

_ Asking you to marry me and you saying yes is one of the best memories of our relationship that I have, I still remember it all. I was very nervous, I wanted to make you happy, I wanted you to be my wife. I am so pleased that you said yes, that you still want to be my wife. I have watched you sleep more times than I can count. I like watching you sleep, I like holding you as you sleep too. There are many memories from when we have gone away together too, almost too many to count. I've seen you smiling and laughing at the little things that make you happy. You have this infectious laugh, it makes everyone that hears it want to join in with you. I haven't seen you smile or heard you laugh in what feels like a very long time. The contented look that you used to have when sleeping has disappeared, it has been replaced by a look of sadness and worry. I know that I am behind the look on your face, I know that I have caused you pain, that I have said some horrible things to you. I know that there are some horrible memories from the past few weeks. I am trying to be honest about everything that has happened, I am worried that it will make you cry. I think that I have been the cause of too many of your tears lately._

_ It was a normal day when I went into the college with Polly, it turned to be one of the worst days that I have ever faced. Polly got in the way when I was about to be shot, she protected me. I was supposed to be the one protecting her. I felt as if I had failed Polly, I felt as if I had failed you. How was I supposed to protect you when I couldn't protect Polly? I pushed you away, I was trying to protect you. I thought that if you weren't near me then you would be safe, Polly was near me and she got hurt. I started having flashbacks, I started drinking to avoid them, but they got worse. I worked double shifts too, anything to try and keep the flashbacks away. I missed you during those long shifts, I wanted to be with you, but I thought that I was keeping you safe by not being there._

_ The times that I went to bed late and saw that you had cried yourself to sleep made me sad, I had caused those tears, I had hurt you by pushing you away. I would cuddle up to you when I was sure that you were asleep, it comforted me. I wish that I could have comforted you in the same way. Seeing you cry when I said that I didn't want to marry you was the worst time, you looked heartbroken, I knew that I had gone too far. I thought that you had left me for good when you walked out on me. I'm sorry, I know that saying sorry isn't enough. I didn't mean those words, they were mean, they were hurtful, and I shouldn't have said them to you. I don't know why you came back, I am glad that you did though, this life doesn't mean anything without you in it._

_ Now comes the difficult part, one day I remembered everything that had happened in the college, it was worse than I thought. I felt as if I was a coward, everything that I had done, everything that I had said to you and to Dixie came back to me. I went to see Polly, I apologised to her and then I went up to the roof of the hospital. I hope she doesn't remember what I said to her, I don't want her to blame herself for any of it. I remember looking over the edge, the drop terrified me, I just wanted everything that I was feeling to stop. I wanted to stop hurting the people that mean the most to me. I heard everything that you said to me. I remember you saying that you loved me. I heard you ask me not to leave you, it almost broke my heart. I heard the pain and the sorrow in your voice. I came back for everyone that I love; for my friends, my children, the twins, Polly, who I love like a daughter. Most of all I came back for you, for the woman that never gave up on me, who didn't stop loving me. You saved me, you pulled me back from the edge during the worst time of my life. You just held me as I cried, without judging me or having a go at me. You came for me when I needed you the most, even though you really hate heights. I am grateful that you came for me, I needed you so much. One day I will tell Dixie something similar, I know that she was there too, just as she has been when I have needed her in the past._

_ Emilie, I love you, I'm sorry for everything that I've said and done to hurt you. I wish that I could take it all back, that I could change all of the bad times. I'm going to the counselling sessions because I want to be the man that you deserve. I want to marry you, I want to make you happy. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to love you as you deserve to be loved. I want to give you the life that you deserve. I hope that this letter hasn't made you cry too much, I know that I have cried a few times as I've been writing it. I hope you know that I love you and that I care for you, and that I always will._

_All my love,_

_Jeff._

Emilie put the last sheet of paper down onto the table, reading Jeff's letter had made her feel very emotional. She had started crying part way through reading the letter and now the tears wouldn't stop falling down her face. Some of the words that Jeff had written had made her feel sad, he had suffered so much, it hurt her to think of the man that she loved in so much pain. She was proud of Jeff for having the courage to be so honest about his feelings. Emilie knew that it must have been very hard for Jeff to write it all down for her to read. She slowly wiped away the tears that were still blurring her vision, it had been a difficult time for Emilie and she was crying out everything that she had kept inside of her. Grief, fear, pain, despair, and sadness were all represented by the tears that left little trails down Emilie's face. Emilie tried to regain her composure, her emotions had got the better of her, she wanted to try and get some control over them before Jeff came back into the house.

It had only been a few moments since Jeff had looked at his watch, he was trying to give Emilie some time by herself to read his letter. He wondered if it had made her cry, did she want some company, or did she want to be alone? Little Abs was happily chewing on the rope that he had been playing with not long ago. Jeff wondered what he should do, should he go in, or should he stay outside? 'What would you do?' Little Abs looked up from his rope, he then went back to chewing it again. 'Is that your way of telling me that I have to make my own decision?' Jeff sighed, he realised that he was talking to a dog, that he wasn't going to get an answer from him. 'Come on then mate.' He stood up and slowly went inside the house, he thought that Emilie might need him. Jeff made sure that Little Abs had come into the house and then he closed the door.

Jeff took a few minutes to find enough courage to go through into the lounge, he saw Emilie sat on the sofa, she had definitely been crying for some time. Her eyes were red, she was using a tissue to wipe away the tears that were rapidly falling down her face. Jeff felt his heart beat painfully in his chest, seeing Emilie upset always hurt him. He watched her for a few more moments and then he went and sat next to her. 'Emilie,' he said quietly. Jeff heard his voice falter when he spoke, seeing Emilie crying and looking so upset had triggered his own emotions. He felt his eyes watering, it was hard for him to focus, tears were beginning to blur his vision. Jeff slowly put his arms around Emilie, he felt her arms wrap themselves around his body and her head rest against his shoulder as she cried. He felt Emilie's body shaking with the force of her crying, she was clearly very emotional and needed someone to hold her and be there for her. Jeff stroked Emilie's hair, he knew that he was crying, he just let the tears fall down his face. He kissed Emilie's head and buried his head in her hair, he hoped that Emilie knew that he was there for her.

It was some time before Emilie stopped crying, she used the tissue to wipe away the last of the tears from her eyes. She felt some of Jeff's tears dripping into her hair and onto her skin, she slowly moved her hand up to Jeff's head and she let it rest there. 'Jeff,' Emilie whispered, he lifted his head and she wiped the tears from his eyes. A few moments passed as Emilie studied Jeff's face, she smiled at him and then she kissed him on the head. 'I love you.'

'I love you too princess.'

'Will you hold me?' Jeff nodded and Emilie found herself enveloped in a warm hug, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, she felt safe and warm in Jeff's arms. 'Emilie, did you read the letter?' Emilie nodded and she snuggled herself into Jeff's arms. 'I'm sorry that it made you cry.'

'You are very brave Jeff.'

'I don't feel it sometimes.'

'You have been through so much.'

'So have you, it is all my doing. I have hurt you, I'm so sorry princess.'

'It is forgiven and forgotten, I want us to start again. I want us to rebuild our relationship.'

'I do too princess. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you.'

'You're not going to lose me.'

'I am glad to hear it.' Emilie smiled, being in Jeff's arms made her feel happy, she had missed him holding her, she was going to make up for all of the lost time.

The tiny diamond of Emilie's ring caught Jeff's eye as her hand rested on his arm, she hadn't taken it off, not even when he had said that he didn't want to marry her. 'Emilie, you know that I want to marry you, right?'

'I know, of course I do.'

'Do you still want to marry me and have children with me?'

'Yes, very much so.' Emilie heard Jeff give a sigh of relief. 'I won't say anything about what happened to Sophia and John, you have my word.'

'Thank you, I don't want them to know how much of a coward I am.'

'You're not a coward, you're human.'

'I don't feel like a human sometimes, my feelings almost got the better of me. I almost...'

'I know, but you didn't.'

'I could have though.'

'It's okay to be human Jeff, it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to feel as though everything is against you. You have me, I'm not going to let you fall.'

'You promise?'

'I promise.' Jeff nodded and Emilie smiled at him, she put her arms around him and held him close to her. Emilie vowed that she would keep her promise to Jeff no matter what.

Jeff just let Emilie hold him, he knew that he loved her, that he wanted to be with her. 'Emilie, I want you, nobody else. I want to marry you.'

'I want to marry you too. As soon as Polly is back on her feet then we'll do it.'

'Really, do you mean it?

'I do. I think it will give you something to look forward to, something to work towards. The counselling is helping you, our wedding will motivate you to keep going with it.'

'I'm doing it for myself and everyone that I love.'

'Of course you are, we are very proud of you.'

'Emilie, you should think about getting a dress, I am sure they take a long time to make.'

'Oh, I sort of put a deposit on a dress already, I saw it and fell in love with it.'

'Can I see it?'

'No, not until the day, you know the rules.'

'Please.'

'No amount of begging will work Mr Collier.'

'What about puppy dog eyes?'

'Not even those.'

'Okay, can't blame a man for trying. I bet that you will look beautiful in it though.'

'I hope so.'

'You will, you are beautiful princess.' Jeff held Emilie close to him, he kissed her head, he promised himself that he would work hard to get better. He wanted to marry Emilie, he wanted to be the man that she deserved. Jeff looked at the woman in his arms, he loved her, he vowed that he would make her proud of him, that he would love her and protect her for the rest of her life.

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**Awww, squishy :)**


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, sarah4steve,**** Sparkles and Rainbows, and the guest reviewer for taking the time to review my story :)  
**

******I hope that everyone who is reading enjoys this chapter. Thank you all for your patience in waiting for the update. I have had an emotional couple of days so I have only just been in the right frame of mind for updating.  
**

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**Chapter Eighteen.**

Polly rested her hands on the parallel bars, she took it slowly as she made her way along the bars, each step that she took made Polly smile. She sometimes found the physiotherapy sessions difficult and tiring, there were times when her muscles hurt after they had worked hard during the sessions. Polly liked the times when Jess massaged her legs, it made her feel comfortable and she often had a good night of sleep afterwards. 'Jess, how am I doing, will I be able to leave the hospital soon?'

'I think that you need to have another week here, after that someone will come out to visit you at home. You will need to work on climbing the stairs and getting back into your normal routine.'

'Okay, do you know when I will be able to go back to work?'

'I don't, not yet, we will get you fit to work again though.'

'How am I doing?'

'You are doing very well, you have improved a lot since I have started working with you.'

'That's good to know.' Polly smiled, she was pleased to know that she would be able to go back to work. She wanted to be back at work with all of her friends, she missed doing the job that she loved. All of the work and the exercises would be worth it when she would be able to put her uniform on again and help those that needed her.

After the physiotherapy session, Polly let the nurses help her to sit down on her bed, she made herself comfortable and she picked up the tea that they had brought her. The nurses on the ward had looked after her well, she was grateful to them for helping her when she needed them to. Polly often wondered how they coped with taking care of the patients that needed to be washed and dressed. She had seen some of the patients get a bit angry when they couldn't do things for themselves. Polly understood their frustration, she wished that she could do things for herself, that she could be back to how she used to be. She tried to look at each little bit of progress that she made as a positive step in the right direction. There were times when she got frustrated, when she got bored of being in bed all of the time. Being able to read books from the little library at the hospital made Polly happy, it made the spaces between visiting times more bearable for her. Having her friends around made Polly happy, seeing them each day encouraged her to keep trying with the physiotherapy. She knew that the people she loved were behind her every step of the way, she wanted to make them proud of her, she was determined to get better for them.

A look at her watch told Polly that the first round of visiting hours would be starting soon, Cyd was due at any minute, she was looking forward to seeing her. Having her friends visiting her every day gave Polly something to look forward to, it helped to keep her spirits up. Polly waved at Cyd when she saw her walking in, Cyd sat down next to the bed and Polly smiled at her. 'Hey Cyd, how is everything going at work?'

'I am just on my break right now, we've had a quiet morning so far.'

'Is that good?'

'Sometimes, it means that people aren't being hurt or getting ill. Are you all right Polly?'

'I have just had a session with Jess, and with her help I managed to walk all the way along the bars and then back again a few times.'

'Good for you, everyone will be so proud of you.'

'It felt good to be on my feet again.'

'I bet it did. You will be back with us before you know it.'

'I will need a few more weeks off work when I am allowed to go home.'

'Do you know when that will be?'

'I'm not sure, the doctor says that my wounds have healed well. It all depends on how much progress I make in my physiotherapy sessions. Once Jess is happy then she will clear me to go home, she thinks that it will be in about a week.'

'Don't be in too much of a hurry, you need to make sure that you're properly well.'

'I will do, Dixie won't let me back on the team until I am well, I know it.'

'Of course she won't, she cares about us all.' Polly smiled at Cyd, she knew that Dixie cared about her, that she wanted her to be fully recovered before going back to work.

Seeing Polly well on her way to recovering made Cyd happy, she was relieved that the treatment she had given to Polly with Hannah had worked. She remembered all too well the feeling of hopelessness that she had felt when watching the team treat Polly. 'Cyd, are you all right?'

'Yeah, I was just thinking back to the day of the shootings at the college.'

'Do you think about them often?'

'Sometimes, it is hard to let go of something like that.'

'I know, so many of the young people and staff of the college got hurt or killed on that day. I am lucky to be alive. If it wasn't for what you did then I wouldn't be here now.'

'It means a lot to me to hear you say that. I doubted myself for some time, I wondered if I had done enough to help you. I couldn't remember what I had done for you at all.'

'I know that it must have been stressful for you, we've all had our shouts that stay with us forever.'

'I know that it is going to take a while for me to forget that one.'

'Does everyone feel the same?'

'Yeah, they do, we've got through it though.'

'Even Jeff, I know that he must have had it tough.'

'He did, he has Emilie and Dixie looking out for him though.'

'He is all right though, isn't he?'

'You don't need to worry about Jeff, he is all right.' Cyd tried her best to sound convincing about Jeff being all right, Jeff had asked everyone not to tell Polly anything. He had told them that he was going to talk to Polly in private one day soon.

There was something in Cyd's voice that made Polly think that everything wasn't quite right with Jeff, she was certain that her friends were keeping things from her. Polly came to the conclusion that they must be doing it for a reason, she wondered if it had something to do with the memories that were coming back to her. It was the quiet moments before she went to sleep when she remembered bits of the conversations from during her coma. It was the memory of Jeff that confused Polly, he sounded so tired and down. Polly didn't remember many of the words that Jeff had said to her, a few of them came through to her occasionally. Every word was spoken in the same tone, so very sad and depressed. She wondered if it was because of her, because she had protected him from being shot by the boy. Polly sighed quietly, she was worried about Jeff, something wasn't right about everything, she was sure of it. She wondered what could be so bad that everyone was keeping it from her. 'Cyd, can you promise me that Jeff is all right?'

'Jeff is fine, he is coming to see you soon.'

'I know, I am looking forward to it.'

'He is too.'

'I miss everyone, will you tell them that for me?'

'Of course I will.'

'Thank you.'

'You're very welcome. I have to get back to work now, I will come and see you again soon.'

'Please do, it is nice to know everything that has been going on in the world.'

'Bye Polly.'

'Bye Cyd.' Polly watched Cyd leave the ward, she still wasn't totally convinced that Jeff was all right, she hoped that seeing him would shed some light on what people were hiding from her.

A lot of thoughts were going through Cyd's mind as she went back down to the ambulance station. Polly had asked a lot of questions about Jeff, had she remembered something from when he had been to visit her? Cyd was torn between telling Dixie what she had found out and not telling her. Would it be wise to tell Jeff that Polly was asking questions about him? She wasn't sure what to do for the best, Cyd sighed to herself and then went over to the rec room where Dixie and Hannah were having a coffee. 'Hey Cyd,' Dixie called out as she walked in. 'How is Polly?'

'She's all right, she's making progress, she misses us though.'

'I miss her too.'

'Dixie, I think Polly might have remembered something about Jeff going to see her.'

'What makes you think that?'

'She asked me about him today, she asked if he is all right.'

'Oh, I see. What do we do if she is remembering things?'

'We can't stop her from remembering things, all we can do is warn Jeff.'

'I think he needs to see her as soon as possible,' Hannah said. Dixie nodded her agreement and Cyd took a deep breath.

'She might be angry with him, it might upset her.'

'It might well do,' Dixie said with a sigh. 'They have to talk though, if Jeff keeps everything from Polly and she remembers what he said to her, it will be worse in the long run.' Cyd looked at Hannah and Dixie, she knew that they shared her worries about Polly and Jeff. Jeff was going to have to talk to Polly; would she be angry or upset at him, or both? It all had to be brought out into the open though, Polly and Jeff needed to talk honestly about what had happened, however hard that might be for them.

Lawrence found a moment in his schedule to go down to the ward where Polly was currently staying, he knew that she wasn't expecting him, he hoped that she wouldn't mind him dropping in to see her. He went over to Polly's bed and he stopped in front of it. 'Polly.'

'Mr Darbyshire, what are you doing here?'

'I just wanted to drop in to see you, I hope that's all right.'

'Of course it is, Hannah told me that you were the one that operated on me.'

'I was.'

'Thank you, you saved my life.'

'It wasn't just me, my team should take just as much of the credit for saving your life.'

'Hannah said that you would be modest about it, but I am very grateful to you.'

'Polly, you have been a good friend to my daughter.'

'I love Hannah, she is like a sister to me, she has been good to me too.'

'I know that Hannah thinks of you as family, that is good enough for me. If you need anything then don't hesitate to ask for it.'

'You don't need to do that, you've already done enough for me.'

'I mean it, anything you need then you just have to say the word.'

'Okay, thank you.'

'You're welcome.' Lawrence saw the smile that Polly gave him, it pleased him to see her awake and looking in better health than she had the last time that he had seen her.

Knowing that Lawrence thought of her as family gave Polly a warm glow, she liked having people around that cared for her. 'I saw the twins yesterday, they have grown so big. I have missed them a lot, I wish that I could see them more often.'

'They have got big, they're very healthy babies. I always knew that Hannah wanted to be a mother.'

'She was born for that role, so was Dixie.'

'It makes me happy to see my daughter with a family of her own.'

'Hannah is lucky to have you as a father. I don't think that I've ever seen someone so happy for their daughter as you are for Hannah.'

'How could I not be? She is in love, she has a loyal partner in Dixie, they have two beautiful children too. I couldn't be happier with how things have turned out.'

'That is nice to hear. So many young people have been abandoned by their family for being gay.'

'I could never do that to my daughter. When she told me about her feelings for women, my opinion of her did not change. I thought that she did a brave thing in telling me about herself, it must have taken a lot of courage. I just wanted her loved and cared for, Dixie gives Hannah all the love that she needs. I am so proud of Hannah, I always will be, she is the best daughter a father could ask for.' Polly smiled, Lawrence's words had made her feel very happy, she was so pleased that he had come to see her, that she had been able to thank him for helping her.

Lawrence said goodbye to Polly and he left her to rest, he had the nurses keeping him informed on the progress that she made. It wasn't often that he took a personal interest in the recovery of one of his patients. Polly was different, she was family, he'd wanted to check on her recovery personally. He remembered the moment that Polly had been brought into the theatre, she had been very badly injured, he hadn't been sure if she would survive her injuries or not. The few moments that it had taken for Lawrence to get over the shock made him determined to save Polly's life. He refused to let her go, her heart stopped twice when she was on the table, he refused to give up on her, he would not let her down. The operation had been a difficult one, he had seen the damage to Polly's vertebrae when he removed the bullet from her back. It still chilled him to the bone to think that Polly could have been paralysed when she woke up. It had taken him some time to work out how to break the news that Polly was in a coma to Hannah and all of her friends. Lawrence was thankful that he hadn't had to deliver the news of Polly's death, that he had managed to save her life when she needed him to. He had tried his best to save the life of the young woman that had been on his table, he wished that he could have done something to stop her going into a coma. He was grateful that Polly had come out of it, that she hadn't been paralysed by the bullet that had chipped the vertebrae in her lower spine, she was too young for such a fate.

Dixie stared at her phone as if it was going to come to life and bite her. Jeff's number was on the screen, all she had to do was call it. Jeff had to know that Polly had some memories of when he had visited her, it was best that it came from her. She wasn't sure how he would react to that knowledge, would it stop him from seeing Polly. The counselling that Jeff was having was working, he was looking a lot better than he had done. The reports that she had received from Ben indicated that Jeff was on the road to recovery. Reading each report gave Dixie hope that Jeff could make it out of his depression, she didn't want to see her friend so upset ever again.

Dixie took a deep breath in and she slowly let it go, she had to call Jeff, she had to let him know what was happening. She pressed the call button on her phone and let it ring until Jeff answered it. 'Hi princess.'

'Hi Jeff, I need to talk to you about something.'

'That sounds serious, is something wrong?'

'Cyd went to see Polly today, we think that Polly has some memories of you going to see her and talking to her when she was in her coma.' Dixie heard the silence at the other end of the phone, it worried her when Jeff went quiet. 'Jeff, mate, talk to me.'

Does she remember what I said?'

'I don't think so, not yet anyway.'

'What do I do?'

'Be honest with her.'

'What if Polly hates me because of what I tried to do?'

'She won't hate you, she might get angry and shout a little bit though.'

'She has every right to be angry at me.'

'Jeff, you were suffering, you were in pain, it was a cry for help.'

'Even so, I should have handled it better.'

'Everyone can say that after they have done something. Don't beat yourself up about this mate.'

'Easier said than done. I am going to have to talk to Polly, aren't I?'

'Yeah, I think you are.' Dixie heard Jeff take a deep breath. 'It will be all right.'

'I hope you're right Dixie.'

'I am, just be honest with her.'

'I will.'

'Good, don't worry mate, it will be okay. If you need to talk to me then you can call me or come round to see me. See you soon mate.'

'Yeah, see you soon.' Dixie put the phone down, she really felt for Jeff, he was going through a very bad time right now. She hoped that Jeff would appreciate what Emilie had planned for him, that her plan would help to restore the closeness that they once shared. Emilie was doing her best to look after Jeff and help him to heal his emotional pain over what happened in the college. Dixie was glad that her friend had someone like Emilie, someone that loved him unconditionally.

Jeff put down his phone and he just stared at the wall, he didn't want Polly to remember anything about what he had said to her. How much did she remember? Had she come to the conclusion that he had thought about ending his life? 'Emilie,' Jeff called out, he found himself wanting her to be near to him, he needed her right now. 'Is everything all right?'

'Can you just come and sit with me?'

'Of course I can.' Jeff waited until Emilie had sat down next to him before he spoke.

'Dixie thinks that Polly remembers some of what I said to her when I went to see her.'

'Okay, what are you going to do about it?'

'I have to talk to her, it is only fair, I have to tell her that it isn't her fault.'

'It will be difficult, I know that you can do this though.'

'Can I?'

'Of course you can.'

'I am glad that you have faith in me.'

'I do, I always have, you're my knight, that is all that I need to know.'

'Your knight disappeared for a while.'

'No, he didn't, he was just having a tough time.'

'Do you think that I can talk to Polly?'

'No, I know that you can talk to Polly, you are a brave man Jeff.'

'Am I?'

'Yes, you are.' Jeff felt Emilie's arm move around his shoulder and she gently squeezed it. Knowing that Emilie was with him made Jeff feel good, he let her hold him close and he took comfort from her warmth. Jeff still felt a bit uneasy about talking to Polly, he hoped that he would be able to live up to the faith that Emilie had in him, he didn't want to let her down again.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, sarah4steve**** and Sparkles and Rainbows for your ever lovely reviews :)  
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******I wonder how Jeff and Polly will get on in their little chat... will she be angry? Enjoy the chapter :)  
**

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**Chapter Nineteen.**

Jeff sat outside the hospital in the car, it was almost visiting time on the ward that Polly was on, he had to go and see her, it was his turn. He was trying to find the courage to get out of the car and go to the ward. Jeff had tried to go through what he was going to say to Polly. Every time he tried to remember what to say it slipped his mind, he was nervous about seeing Polly. Would she get mad if he told her everything about what had happened while she was in the coma? He had worked out from the time that he had spent talking to Dixie that Polly remembered him coming to see her. Jeff couldn't say for sure how much she remembered, he thought that it was best if he told her everything. He tried his best to find the courage that he would need to be honest with Polly. It worried Jeff that Polly might change her opinion of him, that she might be upset at what he had been about to do. Would she still want him to be a father to her if she knew everything? Jeff undid his seat belt and he locked the car door, he turned the alarm on and then he made his way inside the hospital, it was now or never.

He walked slowly towards the ward, his nerves about seeing Polly and telling her everything were close to getting the better of him, he wanted to run away from it all. Jeff was barely aware of talking to the ward sister and getting permission to take Polly into the gardens outside the hospital. He had decided that he would need some privacy to talk to Polly, he didn't want to talk on the ward where people were listening in to their private conversation. Jeff closed his eyes and he took a couple of deep breaths, he tried his best to calm himself down before he approached Polly's bed. She was listening to some music and she was reading. Jeff gave himself a few moments to just watch Polly, she almost looked like she had before she had been shot. He smiled as Polly nodded her head in time to the music, she looked quite happy, he wondered what it was that had made her smile. Jeff took another deep breath and then he walked over to Polly's bed, he had to talk to her before he talked himself out of it. It was time to be honest with her, he had to tell her everything.

Jeff gently touched Polly's leg, she took her headphones off and she put the book down on the cabinet at the side of her bed. 'Jeff, I got lost in the book and didn't realise what time it was.'

'So, you didn't forget that I was coming to see you then?'

'Of course not, I've been looking forward to seeing you.' Jeff tried to smile, he hoped that Polly would be convinced by it.

'Jeff, is something wrong?'

'No, everything is fine.'

'You seem different, not like your usual self.'

'I'm okay, you should be focusing on yourself and getting better.'

'I am doing, I am trying my best.'

'Of course you are. Pol, do you want to go down to the gardens with me?'

'You mean go outside, can I do that?'

'Yeah, the ward sister has given me permission to take you there for a little while.'

'A change of scenery would do me good, I have been getting fed up of seeing the same walls.'

'Come on then princess Polly, let's go downstairs.' Jeff helped Polly to dress warmly, he didn't want her to be cold when she was outside, he put an extra blanket on the arm of the wheelchair. 'Here we go Polly,' Jeff said and he helped her into the chair, he started to wheel Polly towards the lifts, he hoped that his conversation with Polly wouldn't end badly.

Polly snuggled into the blanket that Jeff had given her, it wasn't too cold outside and she was glad that she had been able to have a change of scenery. She was a bit worried about Jeff, he looked as if he had a lot on his mind, he hadn't said anything since they had left the ward. Jeff eventually stopped by the back wall of the garden, he sat on the bench and just stared into space. It gave Polly a few moments to look at him, she wondered what he was thinking about. 'Jeff, are you going to talk to me? I know that you will say that you're fine, but I don't think that you are.' Polly heard Jeff take a deep breath, she saw that he was struggling with what he had to say. 'You can talk to me, I know that is why you came here, you have something on your mind. I think that it has something to do with why you were so sad when you came to see me.'

'Do you remember what I said to you?'

'No, I don't remember your words, only that you sounded sad.'

'Polly, the day that I was sat by your side, I remembered everything that happened in the college, you got in the way when I was about to get shot. I should have been the one protecting you and yet you protected me. Why did you do it?'

'You're like a father to me Jeff, do you think that I could just stand by and let him shoot you?'

'You ended up hurt though, it left you in a coma, you could have died.'

'I know, I didn't think that it would end up like that, I'm sorry for putting you through all of that.'

'Don't do it again princess, I don't want anything to happen to you.' Polly put her hand on top of Jeff's and she squeezed it, she wanted him to talk to her.

It took a few moments for Jeff to compose himself, he was almost ready to back out of telling her everything. 'Polly, do you promise me that you won't hate me?'

'I promise.'

'I was upset when I visited you, I had remembered everything, I blamed myself for you getting hurt. If I had been paying attention then you wouldn't have been in a coma. In the weeks after the shootings, I lashed out at everyone that tried to get close to me. Dixie and Emilie got the worst of it; I blamed Dixie for sending you into the college, I told Emilie that I didn't want to marry her. I hurt them both, I wanted to stop hurting the people that I love.'

'Go on, it's okay, say what you need to.'

'I wasn't thinking straight, I visited you in the ICU and then I went up to the roof of the hospital. I stood up there for a long time, I looked out over Holby and wondered if everyone that I love and care for would be better off without me.'

'You thought about ending your life?'

'I did, I know it was selfish of me.'

'Selfish, I would say that it is. Had you done it, what would I have done when I woke up? I risked my life to save yours and you would have thrown it away, just like that? What about Emilie, you promised to marry her, would you have left her alone, condemned her to a life of blaming herself for your death? What about Sophia and John, your children, how could you think of leaving them? Dixie and Hannah, Cyd, what about the twins? How could you even think of doing something like that to yourself Jeff? I can't believe that you could ever be so damn stupid.'

'You have every right to be angry Pol.'

'You're damn right I do, you selfish bloody man, you have people that love you. I don't think that you know how bloody fortunate you are.' Jeff let Polly shout at him, he knew that he deserved it, he knew that he deserved Polly's anger. He tried to keep his eyes on Polly's, it was hard for him, he saw the disappointment in her eyes, it made him sad. Jeff lowered his head, the last thing that he had wanted to do was disappoint Polly or hurt her in any way.

The look on Jeff's face made Polly stop shouting at him, the thought of Jeff hurting himself made Polly scared of losing him. She lowered her voice before she started speaking again. 'Jeff, how could you even think of doing that to yourself?'

'I'm sorry princess, I know that I was stupid.'

'Who talked you down?'

'Emilie, she told me that she loved me.'

'Awww, did she?'

'Yeah, a few other things too, I owe her a lot.'

'You do, she hates heights.'

'I know, I have a lot to do to make it up to everyone. I am going to counselling now.'

'I'm proud of you Jeff.'

'Are you still mad at me?'

'Maybe a little bit, you have to promise me that you won't do it again.'

'I promise, I'm sorry Polly, I won't let you down again.'

'You better not Jeffrey Collier or there will be trouble.'

'Come here princess.' Polly let Jeff hug her, it had been a long time since someone had hugged her.

'I've missed your hugs Jeff.'

'You can have as many of them as you like princess Polly.'

'I'm glad.' Polly snuggled as close as she could to Jeff, she really had missed him.

Jeff kissed Polly's head, he was glad that she wasn't mad at him now. 'Polly, I'm sorry for everything that has happened. You're like a daughter to me, I don't want to let you down.'

'Don't do it again.'

'I won't, I promise. Are you all right Polly?'

'I'm okay, I'm making progress, I should be able to come home at the end of next week.'

'That's good news, though you're not going back to work until you're well Pol.'

'Yes dad, I just knew that you would say that to me.'

'I mean it, I am going to take care of you, I won't let anything happen to you.'

'I know you won't. Is Emilie all right?'

'She is, things were difficult for a while, we're getting there though.'

'I'm glad to hear it, I know that you two love each other.'

'I think Emilie has something planned for me later on, she denied it though.'

'You should enjoy it, I think you two need some time together.'

'It makes me nervous, I don't know what she is up to.'

'Don't be nervous, Emilie will look after you, she cares for you.'

'I know she will.' Jeff smiled, he was glad that Polly still loved him as if he was her father.

Polly let Jeff help her back onto the bed, she picked up the book that she had been reading and she settled it on her lap. 'I will see you soon Polly.'

'I'm looking forward to it, don't be too long, give me a hug Jeff.' Polly saw Jeff smile and she hugged him close. 'Thank you for being honest with me, you will keep your promise, won't you?'

'I will, you can count on it.'

'Good, now go and be with your lady.' She waved at Jeff and she watched him leave the ward, she was going to miss him until his next visit. Polly thought over everything that Jeff had said, it made her sad that he had been through so much, she was glad that he had been honest with her though. She was so glad that Jeff had Emilie and Dixie looking out for him, he really needed someone to look after him. Polly was very proud of Jeff for going to counselling, she knew how hard it was for him to talk to people about his feelings. She wondered if she had been a bit hard on Jeff, admitting to what he had done must have been very hard for him. Polly promised herself that she would go easier on Jeff the next time that he came to visit her. She had something that she wanted to tell him too, she knew that he would start acting like her father when he found out that one of the hospital volunteers had asked her out for a drink. Polly smiled, Owen had been lovely to her, he brought her whichever book she wanted to her bed. Seeing Owen made Polly smile, she had given him her number and she hoped to meet him for a drink when she was properly better. She wondered how she was going to tell Jeff that she could be about to start seeing someone, he would no doubt give Owen a massive lecture about looking after her properly. Polly wondered how Owen would deal with meeting the friends that were so protective of her.

Emilie was waiting for Jeff when he came home, she looked up at him when he came into the room, he looked as if he had had a very tough time. She went over to him and she gave him a hug. 'How did it go?'

'Polly was mad at me when I told her about what happened, she has every right to be though.'

'She's just worried about you, Polly loves you like a father, she doesn't want anything to happen to you, that is why she is angry.'

'I know.' Emilie put her arms around Jeff and she hugged him again. 'I have let her down.'

'It's going to be all right.'

'I wish I could believe that.' Emilie wanted to comfort Jeff and help him feel better.

'Come with me.'

'Where?'

'You'll see.' Emilie took Jeff's hand and she led him up to their bedroom.

'Emilie, what are you planning?'

'Just a massage, you've had a tough day, it'll help you to relax.'

'I don't know if I can relax, I am usually the one that gives you the massage.'

'Do you trust me?'

'I do.'

'Good, I won't do anything that you don't want me to do.' She slowly unbuttoned Jeff's shirt and she gently moved it down his arms. Emilie hoped that she would be able to help Jeff relax, he looked very tense and she felt sorry for him.

Being in front of Emilie without his shirt made Jeff feel a bit vulnerable, he felt Emilie's hand on his arm and he saw her smile at him. 'It's okay Jeff, you're with me, nothing bad will happen to you, I won't let it.'

'I know, it has been a while since you've seen me like this. I think that I have gained some weight around my belly, I think it might have been the stress.'

'I haven't noticed, you're my cuddly teddy and I love you.'

'I love you too.' Emilie saw Jeff smile and she took her shirt off. 'Emilie, what are you doing?'

'Putting us in the same position,' she said with a smile. She helped Jeff out of his clothes and let him remove her clothes until they were stood naked in front of each other. 'This isn't about sex, it is about comfort, it is just us, nobody will disturb us.'

'Okay,' Jeff said quietly, Emilie sensed that he was feeling quite vulnerable.

'You don't have to worry about anything, I will take care of you.' Jeff nodded and Emilie took hold of his hand, she sat on the bed and then she lay back on it. 'Come here my love, give me a cuddle.' Emilie wrapped her arms around Jeff as he settled his head on her chest, she could feel the tension and the stress that he was holding in his body.

The warmth of Emilie's skin started to calm Jeff down, he tried to relax even though he was nervous about her touching him. He knew that his body had changed, the stress and drinking had caused him to put on some weight. His body had changed, he wondered if Emilie was just being nice, if she was put off by his now bigger frame. 'Emilie, I know that I have gained weight, I will lose it, I promise.'

'Hush, I love you because you are you. If you want to lose it then I will support you, I just want you to do it for the right reasons. Now that you have eased off on the drinking it will drop off anyway.'

'So you don't mind that I am bigger now?'

'Not at all.' Jeff could tell that Emilie wasn't lying to him, he heard the truth in her words. 'I just want to be with you, to help you relax. Lie on your front for me.'

'On my front, why?' Jeff felt nervous, he wouldn't be able to see Emilie if he was on his front.

'I want to start with your back and shoulders.'

'I won't be able to see you.'

'I know, I won't hurt you, trust me.' Jeff nodded and Emilie kissed his head, he slowly lay down on his front and he felt Emilie's weight settle just above his hips. He felt her naked skin against his own and then her lips press a kiss to his back.

Emilie moved her hands up the middle of Jeff's back and then down his arms, she moved her hands back up and she gently manipulated the muscles in his left shoulder. 'You're very tense, I can feel it in your muscles, you carry all of your tension in your shoulders.' Emilie used her fingers and her hand to release all of the knots and stress that Jeff was storing in his muscles. She heard Jeff take a deep breath and slowly release it. 'It's okay my love, just relax.' Emilie just let her hands work where Jeff's muscles needed the most care. It was the first time that he had let her massage him, she took advantage of it and used the time to learn more about his body. Once she had released the tension in Jeff's shoulders, she let her hands just drift over Jeff's skin. Emilie started to use more calming strokes to help him to relax even more. She let her hands rest at the bottom of Jeff's back and she kissed his shoulder. 'Jeff, how do you feel?' Emilie asked quietly.

'It feels nice.'

'Good, I'm going to move now, sit up whenever you are ready.' Emilie carefully moved off Jeff's body and she sat to one side of him, she hoped that the massage had helped him.

Jeff turned onto his back, Emilie had moved so that she was lying on her side, he took a few moments to just look at her. He moved closer to her and stroked his finger down her naked arm. 'Emilie, thank you.'

'You're welcome.'

'I mean it, nobody has ever done anything like that for me.'

'Really?'

'Really.' Jeff gently encouraged Emilie to lie on her back, he traced the outline of her face and he tilted her chin so that he could kiss her. He gently moved his lips over Emilie's until she opened her mouth beneath his kiss. Jeff felt Emilie's hand rest on his arm as they kissed, he slowed it down and then he kissed Emilie's forehead. 'You are so beautiful, I am lucky to have you princess.'

'I'm lucky to have you too, my knight.' He ran his fingers through Emilie's hair and he rested his head against her chest, he just wanted to be close to her right now.

All was quiet in the bedroom as Emilie watched Jeff slowly start to fall asleep in her arms, he had struggled to sleep as he had been very nervous about seeing Polly. 'I'm proud of you Jeff, I always want you to know that. You have come so far, I love you.'

'Love you princess.' Emilie smiled, the fact that he was almost asleep was evident in Jeff's voice. She adjusted the quilt so that Jeff would be warm enough, she hoped that getting some sleep would help him. Going to see Polly had been a huge challenge for Jeff, Emilie admired him for his courage, it took a brave person to admit that they had done wrong. She kissed Jeff's head and she held him close to her. 'My brave knight, I want you to know how proud I am of you, I love you and I always will.' Emilie rested her head against Jeff's, it made her happy that massaging him had done the trick and helped him to relax. She hoped that he would like the surprise trip that she had booked for them, Dixie had helped her to decide where to take Jeff. She wanted them to have some time to themselves, she just wanted to be close to Jeff and work towards rekindling their physical relationship. Emilie stroked her fingers over Jeff's back, for now she would content herself with watching him sleeping in her arms.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP, DixieandJeff forever, sarah4steve**** and Sparkles and Rainbows for your support and your reviews, I do appreciate you all taking the time to read my story.  
**

******I think this definitely has some squishy moments in, squish warning :)  
**

******A/N2: A little warning that there is some female/female adult material later on in the chapter, if you do not wish to read it then you may stop whenever you wish. If you continue with the chapter and don't like what you read then I take no responsibility for that as I have warned you about the content.**

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**Chapter Twenty.**

The paperwork from the day was fanned out in front of Dixie on her desk, she was checking it over and making sure that it was all in order as she filed it away into the correct file. She was quite impatient to finish her work so that she could go home, she had organised a date night for Hannah to celebrate their marriage license coming through. Dixie smiled, she was officially married to Hannah now, they had the certificate to prove it. It had been a while since she'd been able to spend some time with Hannah, looking after two young children kept them both busy. She looked at the picture of the twins, Dixie smiled, she loved them so very much. Dixie had asked Emilie and Jeff to look after the twins for the evening so that she could be alone with Hannah. Another smile crossed Dixie's face, she had planned the evening in secret, she wanted to treat Hannah to a nice night in. Dixie wasn't sure where the night would lead, she just wanted to spend some quality time with her wife. Dixie knew that she had spent most of the day smiling, Hannah had asked her what she was smiling about a couple of times during their shift. She wanted to keep the night a secret from Hannah, she wanted to do something nice for her and surprise her. Dixie looked at her watch, her first surprise for Hannah would be arriving soon, she hoped that she would like it.

Hannah was in the changing room when Cyd came in, she smiled at her and folded up her uniform, she put it into her bag and closed her locker. She had been to visit Polly during the day, the young woman looked very happy. It pleased Hannah to hear that Polly was well on her way to being out of hospital. She had started to put together a plan for a welcome home party for Polly, she hoped that her friend would like it. 'Hey Cyd.'

'Hannah, there's a man outside, he says that he has a delivery for you.'

'Oh, what is it?'

'Just come and see.' Hannah was curious, Cyd sounded quite excited about the delivery that was waiting for her, she wondered what it was. She followed Cyd out into the garage and she found a man waiting for her, he had hold of a large bunch of flowers. 'I believe that these are for you, could you sign this for me?'

'Of course I can.' Hannah signed the form that the man held out to her, he gave her the flowers and a copy of the form that she had signed.

'Thank you,' Hannah said.

'You're welcome.' The delivery man left the garage and Hannah looked at the flowers, there was a little card attached to them, she picked up the card and looked at it. _'To my beautiful Hannah, I love you more with every day that passes. You mean everything to me, all my love, Dixie xx.' _Hannah smiled at the words on the card, she was touched by the thought that had gone into them. The roses and tulips were all different shades of purple and Hannah loved them, she was beginning to wonder why Dixie had bought her the flowers, something was definitely going on. Hannah turned to look at Cyd, the woman was smiling at her, she knew something about what was happening. Dixie's behaviour throughout the day had made Hannah suspect that she was up to something. Seeing Dixie smiling and happy had given Hannah something to smile about. It had made her curious about what Dixie was planning, she clearly had some sort of romantic evening in mind.

The flowers caught Hannah's attention again, they smelled lovely and she was so very happy with them. 'Cyd, what's going on? Why am I getting flowers when I am at work?'

'I do know something, though I'm not allowed to tell you what it is, you should go and see Dixie.'

'So Dixie is behind all of this? I thought that she might be, it appears that she has been a very sneaky woman in the past couple of days.'

'Yeah, she has been. You are a lucky woman Hannah, Dixie is lucky to have you too.'

'I am glad that you think so.'

'You have made Dixie happy, she was looking for someone to love her for such a long time. Dixie has always wanted marriage and children, she just needed to find someone that would stick with her. I am glad that she found you.'

'I am glad that I found Dixie too.'

'Go and see her, I know that she will be waiting for you.'

'Thanks Cyd, you've supported us and been there for us and I appreciate it.'

'Any time that you need me then I'm here.' Hannah smiled at Cyd and she went to find Dixie in her office, she wondered what was going on, she wondered what Dixie had planned for her.

It was a tense time for Dixie, she was waiting in her office for Hannah, she knew that Cyd would have told Hannah to go and find her by now. She wondered what Hannah thought of the flowers that she had picked out for her. Dixie smiled as she remembered looking up flowers and the meaning of the colours for the ones that she wanted to send to Hannah. The door opened and Dixie saw Hannah stood there with the flowers in her arms. 'Come in beautiful.' Hannah shut the door behind her and she turned around. 'I see that you got my little present.'

'I did, when did you organise these?'

'I popped out during lunch yesterday. Purple represents a sense of enchantment, the lighter purple ones show the love that I felt for you when we first met, and the darker purple ones show how our love has developed and grown over the years that we've been together.'

'Dixie, that's beautiful.'

'Does that mean you like them? I tried to find you something that showed you the depth of my feelings for you.'

'I do like them, thank you.' Dixie watched Hannah put the flowers down on her desk and then she smiled. 'Come here Dixie, come and give me a hug.' Hannah held her arms out to Dixie and she stepped into them. 'I love you Dixie.'

'I love you too.' Dixie held Hannah close to her and she kissed her forehead. 'My beautiful wife,' she whispered quietly to Hannah and then she traced a finger down her face. 'Come home with me Hannah, I want to spend the evening with you. Emilie and Jeff are looking after the twins for us, we have the whole night to ourselves.'

'You've given this a lot of thought, haven't you?'

'I have, I want to romance my wife.' Dixie saw Hannah smile at her suggestion.

'Take me home Dixie.'

'With pleasure,' Dixie said, she smiled and she picked up her things so that she could go and get changed. She was looking forward to going home with Hannah.

Emilie watched Jeff as he played with Elizabeth and Thomas, the twins gave him something to think about other than his problems. He didn't know that she was watching him, Emilie smiled as Jeff tickled Elizabeth's belly to make her giggle. She had noticed a great improvement in Jeff's mood over the time that he had been going to the counselling sessions with Ben. He had showed her a few of the things that he had been writing in his book. Emilie appreciated Jeff's bravery, it had taken him a lot of courage to show her the things that he had been writing. She was pleased that Jeff was doing a lot better, she had seen some of the man that she had fallen in love with coming back again. The twins were toddling around the floor and playing with their toys, Jeff was a natural with the children, they loved him. Emilie noticed that Jeff was in a world of his own as he played with the twins, he looked happy, it made Emilie smile. Elizabeth put down her teddy, she crawled into Jeff's lap and she put her arms around his neck. Jeff hugged the little girl and he stroked her hair, Elizabeth looked content to be held by Jeff. Thomas was lying with his head on Jeff's knee and he looked as if he was starting to fall asleep on him. The scene that was playing out in front of Emilie made her smile, watching Jeff with the twins made her think of having a child with him. She had started thinking about children a bit more lately, she hadn't brought it up with Jeff as she didn't want to stress him out. Jeff was going through a lot, she didn't want to put any pressure on him, he had enough to think about already.

Jeff gently held Elizabeth close to him, it reminded him of when Sophia had been a little girl, Elizabeth was just as loving as Sophia had been. Having the little girl in his arms reminded him of happier times, of a time when being married to Lucy had made him happy. Jeff sighed, the memories of his marriage weren't all fond ones, the best memories he had of that time all involved the children. 'Jeff, are you okay?' Emilie asked, Jeff saw that she had a concerned look in her eyes. 'Elizabeth reminds me of Sophia when she was a child.'

'Does she? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?'

'I don't know, a lot happened in my marriage to Lucy, some of it good and some of it bad.'

'You haven't really talked about your marriage before.'

'I know, it has always been difficult for me to talk about it, it makes me think of how much I messed up during it. The best thing to come out of the marriage was Sophia and John.'

'Go on.'

'I used to be a decorator, I trained to be a paramedic when I decided that I wanted to do something better with my life. By this point my marriage was already falling apart, Lucy had been cheating on me with my friend for some time. I knew about it, they weren't as discreet as they thought. I tried to make myself feel better by doing the same to Lucy, it didn't work, I felt awful about it.'

'It shows that you have a conscience.'

'I kept doing it though, there was a part of me that wanted to hurt her as much as she had hurt me.'

'She hurt you?'

'Yeah, I still loved her at the time. It hurt because she didn't love me, she loved him, she wanted to be with him, she didn't want me. She hurt me more by asking for a divorce, I found out that she was already engaged to someone else. Lucy hit me right where it hurt, she took Sophia and John to London to live with another man.'

'That's not going to happen again, I promise you, I love you, I want to be with you.'

'You make me happy Emilie, I love you, sometimes that makes me feel vulnerable. The more that I fall in love with you, the more that I fear losing you.'

'I know how you feel Jeff, love makes us vulnerable, it is because we have someone we care about. You fear something happening that means you will end up alone.'

'I do, being in love hurt the last time.'

'No, love doesn't hurt, cheating and betrayal is what hurts. Love is what makes life better, a person that really loves you won't hurt you. I won't hurt you. I will always be here when you need me.' Jeff felt Emilie put her hand on top of his, she gave it a gentle squeeze and then she smiled, he remembered how much he loved her smile.

A few quiet moments passed and Emilie squeezed Jeff's hand again, she wanted to give him the happiness that he hadn't found with Lucy. 'Jeff, this is your chance for a new start, this is your chance to begin again.'

'What if it is me, what if I am the one that made my previous marriage end?'

'It wasn't just you, Lucy had her part to play too. I am not Lucy, I love you, I don't want anyone else, I just want you.'

'Emilie, you are an amazing woman. I know that you have had a lot to deal with, that we've been through some hard times. I don't know how you have stayed so strong.'

'I haven't been strong all of the time, there were moments when I've cried, when I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to keep going.'

'I'm sorry, I've said some horrible things to you, things that you didn't deserve.'

'Jeff, it's all in the past, I want to start again with you. You have come so far, that is something to be proud of. I want to be with you, I want to marry you and have a child with you.'

'You want to have a baby with me?'

'I do, look at Elizabeth and Thomas, they love you, you are a natural father Jeff.'

'So, you want to have a child, when do you want to start trying?'

'I'm going to have to come off the pill first, after we get married is probably the best time for us to start trying for a child.'

'We could always start trying on the honeymoon, I believe that it involves a lot of practising to make a baby.'

'Does it now? Come on Jeff, we should put the twins to bed.'

'If I'm good do I get a cuddle?'

'Of course you do.' Emilie smiled, she had seen a lot of Jeff's old self during the evening, it pleased her to see Jeff looking a lot happier than he had been before. She understood his fear of losing love, it pleased Emilie that he could talk to her about his fears. Emilie gave Jeff a kiss on the head, she was determined to show him that real love didn't hurt.

Hannah and Dixie curled up on the sofa together under a blanket, they'd picked up their favourite take away on the way home and they'd had a little bit of wine during the meal. The radio was on low in the background, Hannah had turned the lights down to make the room a bit more intimate. Dixie had received a call from Emilie to let her know that the twins were in bed and sleeping after playing with their toys with Jeff. Emilie had sounded very happy during the call, Dixie hoped that it meant things were starting to go better for her and Jeff. 'Hannah, are you okay with me organising this evening for us?'

'I am, it was a nice surprise. Thank you for my flowers, they are lovely.'

'I am glad that you like them, I just want to treat you.'

'You are a sweet woman, Dixie Dixon.'

'Only for you, my beautiful wife. Emilie and Jeff will be going away soon, I really hope that they get to spend some proper time together.'

'They do need it, they have been through some very testing times.'

'Jeff is lucky to have Emilie, she truly loves him, it is all that I have ever wanted for him.'

'He has love in his life, Emilie is a good woman, she will look after Jeff.'

'I know she will.' Hannah rested her head against Dixie's shoulder, she loved spending time with her. She knew that the twins were safe in the hands of Jeff and Emilie, they would be well looked after. Dixie was very warm, Hannah snuggled up to her, she liked being with Dixie.

The quiet music coming from the radio filled in the moments when Hannah and Dixie weren't talking to each other. Dixie ran her fingers up Hannah's arm and she just looked at her wife, she felt lucky to have Hannah in her life. 'Dixie, will you dance with me?'

'Do you mean like we did at our wedding?'

'Yes, that is what I mean.' Hannah stood up and she held out her hand to Dixie, she moved into the middle of the lounge when Dixie stood up. They slowly moved together until their bodies touched and Dixie felt Hannah's arms wrap around her. The close contact with Hannah felt good to Dixie, she moved as close as she could to Hannah's warm body. Dixie sighed in pleasure at being so close to her wife, she closed her eyes and let her head settle against Hannah's shoulder. The slow movement in time to the music relaxed Hannah and Dixie, it was just the two of them. Hannah moved their interlocked hands until they were resting against Dixie's chest, she gently nudged at Dixie's head until she was looking at her. A smile passed between the two women and then Hannah touched her lips to Dixie's, she let her free hand rest at Dixie's waist as they kissed. 'Dixie, my Dixie,' Hannah whispered, she looked into the eyes of the woman she loved. 'Hannah, come upstairs with me.' Dixie turned out the lights and she held hands with Hannah as they walked up stairs to their bedroom.

The small lamp by Hannah and Dixie's bed cast a glow over the room, Hannah moved her hands up and down Dixie's arms. She gently kissed Dixie's neck and ran her hand under Dixie's top, Hannah heard Dixie moan quietly. 'Hannah,' Dixie gasped as Hannah's fingers brushed over her breast. 'I want you.'

'All in good time Dixie.' Hannah lifted Dixie's top over her head, she lifted her arms up and let Dixie remove her own top. Dixie and Hannah slowly removed all of their clothing and they lay down on the bed together. 'You're beautiful Hannah, my gorgeous wife.'

'Dixie, I love you, my sweetheart.' Hannah gently touched Dixie's skin, she kissed her and lay her back in the covers.

'Hannah, I like it when you take the lead. I like it when you touch me.' She kissed Dixie's neck and Dixie moaned when Hannah suckled at the sensitive part of her throat. 'I want to touch you Hannah, I need to touch you.' Hannah nodded her agreement and she watched Dixie's hands move over her shoulders and down to her breasts, she bit her lip when she felt Dixie's fingers stroking her nipples. 'My Dixie, don't stop.'

'I have no intention of stopping, I love you, I just want to show you that.' Hannah let Dixie kiss her neck and a moan escaped her mouth when Dixie's lips closed over her nipple. She ran her fingers up and down Dixie's naked back, she shivered with pleasure when she felt Dixie moan against her breast. Hannah closed her eyes, she wanted Dixie, she needed her, she wanted to make love to her.

Dixie and Hannah caressed each other as they lay together amongst the covers, they shared small kisses and took comfort from being so close to each other. Taking her time over touching Hannah gave Dixie pleasure, she looked into her eyes and she stroked her fingers over Hannah's face. 'Beautiful, I want to feel you inside me, I want you to make love to me.'

'I want to make love to you too.' Dixie smiled, she pulled out the strap on that she had bought with Hannah, she helped her into the harness and then did it up. She gently pushed Hannah onto her back and straddled her hips, she lowered herself onto the toy until it was buried inside her body. Hannah sat up and Dixie wrapped her legs around Hannah's waist. She captured Hannah's lips with her own and kissed her deeply, she gently pushed her tongue inside her mouth and she stroked her skin until Hannah moaned against her lips. 'My Hannah, make love to me.' Dixie slowly started moving against the strap on that was inside her body, she heard Hannah moan, she was obviously enjoying herself too. She had bought the toy because it fit inside Hannah too, it gave her pleasure at the same time. 'Hannah, my Hannah, I love you,' Dixie moaned.

'Love you Dixie.' Dixie watched Hannah as they made love to each other, Hannah's eyes showed the pleasure that was running through her body.

Hannah moved her hips to match Dixie's movements, she wrapped her arms around Dixie and buried her head into Dixie's neck as her orgasm started. She moaned into Dixie's neck and she held her close, she felt Dixie pull her closer and moan her name. Dixie's movements became uncontrolled and Hannah supported her body as she came, she kissed Dixie's hair and stroked her naked skin. Dixie's breathing was erratic and Hannah felt her body shaking, her skin had a glow and her eyes were closed. 'Dixie, are you all right?' Hannah asked quietly, Dixie nodded and she slowly moved away from Hannah so that she could slip the harness off and put it to one side. Once Hannah was back in bed, Dixie cuddled up to her, Hannah's skin was cooling down. 'Hannah, pull the covers up, you'll get chilly if you don't.' Dixie felt the soft quilt settle over her shoulders and she snuggled closer to Hannah, she loved the moments that followed after she had made love to her wife. 'You're sweet Dixie, you always love a cuddle when we have made love to each other.'

'I love to cuddle with you at any time.' Hannah smiled, Dixie loved to cuddle, she was a soft and loving person at heart. Spending time with Dixie had made Hannah very happy.

Dixie and Hannah talked quietly together as they lay together in their bed, they shared some kisses and held each other close. 'Dixie, I love you and our children.'

'I love you too sweetheart. I hope you know how much you and the twins mean to me.'

'I know, you are a beautiful person Dixie.'

'My beautiful Hannah. One day we're going to have to sit the twins down and tell them all about us, I don't want them to find out from someone else.'

'I know, I have seen the way that some of the other mums at the nursery look at us.'

'I want to raise our children to respect everyone regardless of their differences.'

'We will do our best for them.'

'Of course we will.' Dixie settled herself down in Hannah's arms, she wasn't quite ready to go to sleep just yet, she was content to lie in the arms of her wife and just be with her. She heard Hannah give a contented sigh, it sounded relaxed and happy. Dixie smiled, she loved being married to Hannah and she knew that Hannah felt the same way about her too.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: To Catch a Falling Star**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?**

**Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.**

**A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)**

**Thank you to BeethovenRIP (especially for being there to bounce ideas off and for listening to me rambling on), DixieandJeff forever, sarah4steve**** and Sparkles and Rainbows for your lovely reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter, more squish for you all :)  
**

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**Chapter Twenty-One.**

The sound of running water came from the bathroom, it let Emilie know that Jeff was still using the shower, she had taken the opportunity to pack some of her things for the weekend away that she had planned for herself and Jeff. She wanted to have some time alone with him, his last session of counselling was coming up, and Emilie knew that there was every chance that Ben would send Jeff back to work. Emilie knew that she would have to return to work soon too, she wanted to spend some time with Jeff before that happened. Dixie had helped Emilie to pick a beautiful cottage just outside of Holby, it was far enough away that it would be just the two of them, without any interruptions or distractions. Emilie had booked the cottage when Jeff was at his counselling session, she had talked to Ben about it first and he had agreed that it would be a good idea. Taking Jeff away for a few days would enable him to get away from it all, it would lower his stress levels and give him a chance to relax. Dixie and Hannah had picked up Little Abs not long ago, they would look after him for the weekend. Cyd and Polly had agreed that it was a good idea to take Jeff away, they had come up with some suggestions of where to take him. They had also helped Emilie come up with a list of activities for the weekend. Emilie was grateful to all of the people that had helped her to find the courage to do all of this as a surprise for Jeff. She was pleased to have the support of the people that loved Jeff, they had all helped her when she needed them to. She wasn't sure how Jeff would react to the knowledge that he would be going somewhere that didn't have a television or internet access. It was important to Emilie that this weekend was free from distractions, that she got to spend some time with Jeff and get close to him again. She hoped that Jeff would talk about anything that was worrying him too, going back to work would be a big challenge for Jeff. Emilie knew that Dixie would look after him, that she wouldn't push him to do too much. She hoped that Jeff would be all right, he loved his job, he loved helping people. She was hoping with everything that she had that Jeff would be able to be a paramedic once again.

Emilie hoped that the weekend would give her a chance to work on the relationship that she had with Jeff. It had been a long time since they'd made love to each other, she wanted to feel his arms around her, she wanted to feel him kissing her and touching her. She had wanted to feel him inside her and making love to her for quite some time, she had kept those thoughts and feelings to herself though. Emilie missed the close contact that she used to have with Jeff, she hoped that he felt the same, she hoped that he didn't think that she was pushing him into anything. She didn't want to make Jeff think that he had to do anything before he was ready, it was why she had kept her feelings to herself. She wanted to put Jeff first, her own needs and desires could wait, it was important to her that Jeff was totally better before they made love to each other again. If he wasn't ready then she would wait until he was, she wouldn't force him into anything. Emilie had promised that she would look after Jeff, he needed her to support him, she had promised to be there for him. She had contented herself with cuddling up to Jeff, he needed her to be his rock, she wouldn't let him down. She knew that the last thing he needed was the extra pressure of knowing how she felt about their physical relationship. Emilie decided that she would see how the weekend went, she would let Jeff make the decision about if they should try to make love or not. She vowed that she would accept Jeff's decision and support him in it.

Jeff turned the shower off, he wrapped a towel around his waist and he went into the bedroom. Emilie was sat on the bed, he noticed that there was a bag at her feet, he felt his heart skip a beat, why did she have a bag packed? 'Emilie,' he said, he wasn't sure what else to say to her, he was worried that she was leaving him. 'Don't panic, I can see it in your eyes that you're worried. It's okay my love. I have booked us a little cottage for the weekend, no distractions, no people, just the two of us. Dixie and Hannah are looking after Little Abs for us when we are away, we can go when we're ready. I just wanted to do something nice for you.'

'I thought that you were going to...' Jeff trailed off, he couldn't say the words.

'Never, come here love.' Emilie held out her arms to Jeff.

'But I'm all wet from the shower.'

'It doesn't matter, come here love.' Jeff let Emilie hold him, he still worried that she would get fed up and leave him from time to time.

'Emilie, don't leave me princess.'

'I won't, I love you, my knight.' Jeff's heartbeat calmed as Emilie held him, he felt reassured that she wasn't going to leave him. 'I'm sorry if I scared you, I meant to move the bag and then I started thinking and I lost track of time. Get dressed and then pack some things for the weekend, the only way I'm going anywhere is if you come with me.'

'All right, I will.' Jeff moved out of Emilie's arms and he quickly dried himself off and then he got dressed, he was relieved that Emilie wasn't leaving him. 'I'll put some breakfast on for us, come and join me when you're done.'

'All right princess.' Jeff felt a kiss on his cheek, Emilie left the room and he turned his attention to packing for the weekend away that Emilie had planned for them.

The idea of going away for the weekend with Emilie made Jeff happy, he was surprised that she had been able to organise the whole thing without him finding out about it. He put some of his clothes and things into a bag. Jeff checked that he had the essentials and he closed the bag, he sat down on the bed. He wasn't sure what Emilie wanted from this weekend, did she want to start making love again? There were times when Jeff thought about making love to Emilie, he wasn't sure if he deserved her in that way. He felt as if he had a lot of making up to do before he was worthy of touching Emilie. Jeff took a deep breath, would Emilie leave if he didn't make love to her soon? There was a lot that he wanted to talk to Emilie about, he wondered if he should write it all down so that he didn't forget anything. He felt stupid, the sight of one bag had scared him, it had made him think that Emilie was leaving. The memories of the horrible things that had been said during the bad times all came back to Jeff. All of the things that had been said had come from him, not once had Emilie retaliated with any hurtful words of her own. There were times when he wished that she had said something to him, that she had given him the retaliation that he had deserved. Emilie wasn't the type of person to hit someone or say mean things just to make someone suffer, he knew it. Jeff knew that he was lucky that Emilie still loved him, that she still cared for him, anyone else would have given up a long time ago. There were times when he wondered if Emilie had ever thought of giving up and leaving him, he was too afraid to ask her the question though. He stood up and left the bedroom, he could smell bacon cooking and it was making him feel hungry.

While Jeff was packing, Emilie put some eggs into a pan for herself and some bacon on the grill for Jeff, she started the coffee and then sat down at the table. She wished that she hadn't started daydreaming, that she had moved her bag before Jeff had been able to see it. Emilie sighed, she hadn't meant to scare him, she knew that he was still feeling vulnerable from time to time. The worries in Jeff's mind were real, she knew that he was afraid of her leaving him. She wasn't really sure what she was planning for this weekend, she didn't want to push Jeff into anything that he wasn't ready for. Emilie wasn't sure what Jeff would think of the fact that she had been hiding things from him. She didn't want him to think that she was deliberately keeping things from him or that she didn't trust him. Getting the breakfast ready distracted Emilie from her thoughts for a little while, she put Jeff's bacon on a muffin and her eggs on a plate with some toast. Jeff came in and he sat at the table, she smiled at him and put the muffin in front of him with a mug of coffee. 'There you go, just how you like it, it has just come off the grill.'

'Cheers princess.' Emilie watched Jeff eat as she ate her own breakfast, she could tell that he was enjoying his food. She liked cooking for Jeff and making sure that he ate properly. It pleased Emilie to see that Jeff was eating, she wanted to look after him and care for him.

After breakfast Jeff and Emilie did the washing up together and they checked the house to make sure that everything had been switched off that needed to be. They checked that they had everything they needed for their weekend away, they put the alarm on the house and locked the doors. Jeff put the bags in the boot of the car, he opened the door for Emilie and then he got in the car himself. 'Emilie, where are we going?'

'I've put the postcode in the satnav, you just have to follow the directions.'

'Okay, I just hope that it isn't going to get us lost again.'

'Jeff, if you follow the directions and don't try to take any short cuts then you will be fine.'

'It was a good short cut, it is the stupid machine, it doesn't understand that I know best.'

'Of course you know best love.'

'You don't sound too convinced.' Jeff heard Emilie chuckle and he looked at her. 'Are you laughing at me? I have local knowledge that this thing doesn't.'

'Come on Jeff, let's show the machine that you know best.' Jeff started the car and he drove onto the road, he was determined to show the satnav that he could make it to the cottage without any drama. Emilie smiled to herself, Jeff was always determined to outdo the satnav and prove that he knew best. She decided that she would humour Jeff, watching him argue with the satnav always made her smile. It was at times like this that she saw the man she loved coming through once more.

The journey to the cottage didn't take Emilie and Jeff long, there were moments when Jeff would mutter something that sounded like a curse at the satnav. Emilie spent a lot of the journey looking out of the window as the city disappeared and the countryside slowly took its place. There was a part of Emilie that was happy when she was surrounded by fields and trees. The peace of the countryside was just what she needed to rest and recover after the emotional challenges of the weeks that had passed. She hoped that Jeff would find some peace and some rest here. The tall trees met in the middle and they blocked out most of the light, some of the sunlight came through the trees here and there. Emilie looked around curiously as the cottage appeared at the end of the long road. The small garden in front of the cottage was beginning to show the signs of spring flowers; there were violets, crocuses, snowdrops, and daffodils all growing and giving the surroundings colour. The sight of the flowers made Emilie smile, she was glad that she had booked this cottage, it was beautiful. Emilie couldn't wait to go inside the cottage and have a good look around, she wanted to see everything that it had to offer. She really hoped that Jeff would like spending time here with her, she hoped that he would get something from it.

Emilie and Jeff picked up the key from the owner, they let themselves into the cottage and they shut the door behind them. The cottage felt warm and welcoming; the large sofa was covered in comfortable throws, there were thick curtains up at the windows too. The lights around the room would cast a soft glow once the curtains were closed. 'Jeff, what do you think?'

'It looks really nice, I have noticed that there isn't a television here though.'

'I know, I thought that we could use this chance to talk to each other.'

'Just to talk?'

'I don't know, I think that we should start with talking and then see where we end up.'

'Okay, I know that I have some things that I would like to say, that I need to say.'

'I will listen to you. I am going to put the milk and things away, we can have a look around after that if you like.'

'I'd like that.' Emilie smiled and she picked up the bag that had the staple items in it that would be needed to keep them going for the weekend. She took everything into the kitchen and she put everything in its rightful place. Emilie put the potatoes into the oven and she set the timer so that she knew when they would be done. She was just going to do something simple for this evening, she didn't want to make things too difficult. Spending some time with Jeff was her main goal for the night, she wanted to try and talk to him.

While the potatoes were cooking Emilie and Jeff went upstairs to explore the rest of the cottage. There were a few doors that led off the main hall, one of them was the bathroom. Emilie pushed the door open and she noticed that there was a hot tub in the middle of the room. 'Have you ever been in a hot tub before Jeff?'

'Only the once, it was a long time ago though. Have you?'

'By myself, I'd quite like to share this one with you.'

'I'd like that too.' Emilie smiled at Jeff and she walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom that was on the other side of the hall. She wanted to know what the bedroom looked like, she hoped that it would provide some refuge from the world for both herself and Jeff.

The bedroom filled Emilie with a sense of awe, the pictures on the website hadn't done it justice. There was a large bed in the middle, it had plenty of comfortable cushions and quilts on it. 'Now that looks like a very inviting bed, I can't wait to try it out later on.'

'It does look very comfortable,' Jeff said.

'I am glad that I picked this place, with Dixie's help anyway.'

'Dixie helped you?'

'She did.'

'Now I know why she gave me her knowing look when we saw her the other day.'

'She just wants you to be happy, Dixie has been brilliant, you are lucky to have a friend like her.'

'I am, I can't imagine my life without her in it.'

'You won't have to, I know that Dixie feels the same way that you do.' Emilie went over to the window, she looked out into the garden and she noticed that there was a small seat under the trees. It looked like it would be a good place to sit and look at the stars. She made a little note to take Jeff outside so that they could sit together for a little while after they had eaten.

The evening meal passed quietly for Jeff and Emilie, they ate their jacket potatoes with some salad and the tuna mix that Emilie had put together. After the meal Emilie put some hot chocolate onto the stove and she poured it into the mugs that she had prepared. She put a few marshmallows into each mug and then she gave Jeff one of them. 'Get the throws off the sofa and come with me.'

'Where are we going?' Jeff asked curiously.

'You'll see.' Emilie went outside and she arranged the throws on the seat under the trees so that herself and Jeff would be warm enough.

'What are we doing?'

'We're spending some time together, that's all. Come and sit with me.' Jeff joined Emilie on the seat, they wrapped themselves up in the throws and they cuddled up to each other. A few minutes of silence passed and Emilie stroked her fingers over the chain that hung around Jeff's neck. 'Emilie, why do you do that?'

'Do what?'

'Play with my chain.'

'I like doing it, I can stop if you want me to.'

'No, I like you doing it too.' Emilie smiled and she drank some of her chocolate, she looked up at the stars that had appeared in the sky, she could see them all as it was so dark.

Jeff watched Emilie, she was looking up at the stars in the sky, she looked peaceful. 'Emilie, what are you thinking?'

'I used to wish upon stars when I was a child, I carried on when I was a teenager, I used to do it when I became an adult from time to time as well.'

'What did you wish for?'

'To be happy, to meet someone that I could fall in love with. When my last relationship ended I wished for the stars to take my pain away, for them to heal my heart. I wished again for someone that I could fall in love with, for someone that would love me back. I think the stars sent you to me.'

'Do you think so?'

'I do. If you could wish on the stars for anything, what would you wish for?'

'I think I would wish for the chance to take back all of the hurtful words that I said to you. I wish that I could change everything that happened, all of the times that I scared you, that I pushed you away from me. I was just trying to protect you, I thought that if I wasn't near you then I wouldn't be able to hurt you.' Jeff took a deep breath, he needed a moment to gather his thoughts.

'It's okay, go on.'

'During every extra shift I took, I wanted to be near you, I missed you.'

'I missed you too.'

'I'm sorry for all of the times that I made you cry. I wish that I could take them back, I wish that I could change everything that happened.'

'It's okay.'

'It's not, I love you and yet I hurt you, how is that right?' Jeff sighed, now that he had started talking he wasn't sure how to stop.

Emilie was pleased that Jeff was talking to her, it was why she had brought him to the cottage after all, she wanted to help him. 'All of these things are in the past, we can choose to start again or we can hold on to the past.'

'All of the times that I said things to you, you didn't retaliate with anything hurtful, why?'

'Would it make you feel better if I had said something nasty to you?'

'Maybe.'

'You were going through a bad enough time, I wasn't going to make it worse for you.'

'Emilie, I don't feel worthy of you, I don't feel worthy of touching you, of making love to you.'

'How long have you felt like this?'

'A long time.'

'Jeff, you are a good man, you just lost your way. Something terrible happened to you, you saw Polly shot right in front of you.'

'That is no excuse for the way that I treated you.'

'Do you want to beat yourself up about this Jeff?'

'Don't I deserve it?'

'Do you know what I wish for right now?'

'No, I don't.' Emilie looked up at the stars, she looked as if she was picking one out.

'I wish for the man I love to stop punishing himself for the things that happened in the past.' Jeff looked down at Emilie, he didn't know what to say to what he had just heard.

A few minutes passed and Emilie looked up into Jeff's eyes, she caressed his face and she gently kissed his lips. 'I don't want you to keep beating yourself up over what happened. I know that you feel guilty over what you said and did. I know that is why we haven't made love for a while.'

'I need time, I'm not ready.'

'It's okay Jeff, our relationship is based on more than sex. When the time is right we will make love to each other again. I will wait until you are ready.'

'You're not disappointed?'

'No, I love you, that is all I need to know.'

'I love you too princess.'

'We have to focus on the future, if we keep looking to the past then nothing will change.'

'Focus on the future, how?'

'We have a wedding to set a date for, we've been engaged for over a year, I think it is time to set a date for our wedding. We will have to give notice of our wedding to the registrar at Holby.'

'I know, they will need ten weeks notice of our wedding. When should we do this?'

'I was thinking June, that gives us over three months to get everything ready.'

'Okay, a summer wedding, will your dress be ready in time?'

'I think that it will be.'

'Good, I bet you will look beautiful in it.'

'We have a lot of work to do.'

'I know, we have friends that will help us though.'

'We do.' Emilie cuddled herself close to Jeff, she was happy that they had cleared the air a little bit. She was pleased that they had roughly planned a date for the wedding, it was happening, she would be able to marry the man that she was in love with.

Jeff wrapped his arms around Emilie, he kissed her head as he held her close. He looked down at Emilie, he knew that he was lucky to have her. 'Princess, are you sure that you don't mind that I am not ready for us to get back into making love?'

'I am sure, you mean everything to me Jeff, I want you to be ready before we do anything.'

'So us making love wasn't the reason that you brought me here?'

'No, I just want to be with you. We need some time together, just us, to work on things.'

'Okay, what are we going to do?'

'Personally I would like to cuddle up in that big bed with you. We can share the hot tub and go for a walk in the surrounding area, we can do anything that we want to.'

'Sounds good to me princess.'

'For now, we can just look at the stars together.' Jeff rested his head against Emilie's, he vowed to protect her and love her for all of the days that they were together. He watched her as her fingers moved over his chain and she looked up at the stars. Jeff kissed Emilie's head again and he thought about the upcoming wedding, this time he was going to do it right. He promised himself that he would be faithful to Emilie, he would treat her as she deserved to be treated.


End file.
